Here we are, on the eve of Christmas. So much to celebrate, so little time.
Slowly, I have come to understand that Christmas is not just about celebrating the birth of Jesus, but to celebrate the joy of anticipation of his second coming. Maybe you already knew that - but I'm a little new at this, and the discoveries of God's miracles are still popping up everywhere.
And with that group of people trying to take "Christ" out of Christmas - well, it's not working! I've heard more "Merry Christmas" wishes when I'm out and about than ever before. I've seen polite drivers and patient people at the stores. I've seen smiles on the faces of people who don't have much to celebrate, and I've seen our Angel Tree at church stripped of the cards with present ideas and the space under the tree stuffed.
And isn't that just like God? to take a bad situation and turn it around?
My prayer for today...
Lord Jesus, Happy Birthday! Your life and your devotion to your Father have turned the world upside down. I praise you for your love you have gifted us with, for the sacraments, and for the church. I pray that you bless all who believe in you with a special Christmas blessing; whether it be a feeling of joy, contact from distant family, or a fresh blanket of snow; may all those gifts be recognized as coming from you.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Prayer Power, Activate!
Do you remember watching Super Friends on Saturday morning? I'm probably aging myself here, but there were twin super heroes who had rings, and would call out, "Wonder twin powers, Activate!" and their super powers would...well, activate.
I had an experience that reminded me of that, but this time, I felt the power of Christ shun the nettling efforts of Satan.
I lead a bible study for post-abortive women. That first phone call they make to me is never easy, so I enter those conversations gently. Last week, a woman called and as I tried to encourage her, the phone dropped the call. I was so worried that she would take that as a 'sign' that she didn't need to attend the bible study, so I called her back quickly. Four times the phone dropped our call. The fifth time I called her back, she wisely said, "I know what's happening. We need to renounce Satan right now. He's trying to trick me into not attending this study." She prayed to God to take away Satan's influence over our conversation, gave God the glory, and thanked Him for our conversation.
And guess what?...the phone never dropped the call again.
The power of prayer! Amazing!
I had an experience that reminded me of that, but this time, I felt the power of Christ shun the nettling efforts of Satan.
I lead a bible study for post-abortive women. That first phone call they make to me is never easy, so I enter those conversations gently. Last week, a woman called and as I tried to encourage her, the phone dropped the call. I was so worried that she would take that as a 'sign' that she didn't need to attend the bible study, so I called her back quickly. Four times the phone dropped our call. The fifth time I called her back, she wisely said, "I know what's happening. We need to renounce Satan right now. He's trying to trick me into not attending this study." She prayed to God to take away Satan's influence over our conversation, gave God the glory, and thanked Him for our conversation.
And guess what?...the phone never dropped the call again.
The power of prayer! Amazing!
Friday, December 18, 2009
The Importance of Accountability
With Christmas approaching, all of my bible studies are suspended until January. At first that seemed like a good idea. For months now, I've been reading the bible, attending mass a few times a week, praying the roasary...you know, being a good Catholic.
Well...it seems that without my bible studies, I'm lost once again to the pressures of commercial holiday fever. I've fretted over Christmas presents yet to purchase, my bible is collecting dust, my rosary has made itself comfortable at the bottom of my purse, and worst of all, I haven't prayed like I should - like I want to.
And all this goes to prove that I need my Christian friends to keep my accountable. Without their prayers and presence in my life, I fall to the dark side.
In a previous post, I mentioned that I was attending daily mass throughout Advent as a means to prepare for the coming of the Lord. I lied! I haven't gone - whether because of colds, being out of town, or just plain laziness, I've neglected mass.
Sigh.
So, Lord, I pray that today my actions please you. I pray for you to be kind when you think of me and hear my prayer for forgiveness for the promises I made and did not keep. You are perfect in your Word, and I am flawed. Your Son came to us to bring us salvation, to save us from our sins - and while I have accepted Your Son as my Saviour, I continue to fail in my faith. I am reminded how easy it is to slip beneath the waters of this culture, to swallow toxic holiday stress and find myself dying a commerical death.
And I pray for all those who read this, that they find You in their day and take time today to be with You. And I ask that you watch over my sisters, keep them safe and encourage them to spend time with you in Your Word until we can meet again in the new year.
Amen!
Well...it seems that without my bible studies, I'm lost once again to the pressures of commercial holiday fever. I've fretted over Christmas presents yet to purchase, my bible is collecting dust, my rosary has made itself comfortable at the bottom of my purse, and worst of all, I haven't prayed like I should - like I want to.
And all this goes to prove that I need my Christian friends to keep my accountable. Without their prayers and presence in my life, I fall to the dark side.
In a previous post, I mentioned that I was attending daily mass throughout Advent as a means to prepare for the coming of the Lord. I lied! I haven't gone - whether because of colds, being out of town, or just plain laziness, I've neglected mass.
Sigh.
So, Lord, I pray that today my actions please you. I pray for you to be kind when you think of me and hear my prayer for forgiveness for the promises I made and did not keep. You are perfect in your Word, and I am flawed. Your Son came to us to bring us salvation, to save us from our sins - and while I have accepted Your Son as my Saviour, I continue to fail in my faith. I am reminded how easy it is to slip beneath the waters of this culture, to swallow toxic holiday stress and find myself dying a commerical death.
And I pray for all those who read this, that they find You in their day and take time today to be with You. And I ask that you watch over my sisters, keep them safe and encourage them to spend time with you in Your Word until we can meet again in the new year.
Amen!
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Writing for a Purpose
Where does my desire to write come from? (Or, more grammatically, “From where does my desire to write come?) There is something romantic about writing; something permanent about putting words to paper. There are stories in my head that scream to be formed with ink, journals that call to be filled with the moments of my day, papers that are sadly blank unless I fill them with words. There is something in the formation of sentences that fills a need within me, as though I’m making beauty out of words, pulling emotions from minds and setting them on paper.
It’s been almost ten years since I started writing. It’s a choice – to be a writer. But for me, it wasn’t a huge step. I love to read, I love to watch people, I love poetry. Picking up a pen and giving writing a try was a natural step. It also gave me excuses to read everything I could – it’s research; excuses to buy bigger purses – I need to always have a notebook with me; reasons to find quiet places and time alone to ponder, pray, and explore.
There is a strong tendency to mark the success of a writer with publication; good writers are successful and rich, right? I strongly disagree! Good writers don’t give up. Good writers continually have a need to discover the world through literature, through words, through ink. Good writers write bad sentences – and then play with the words until they sound right, until the emotion we want to evoke is standing right there on the page. Good writers write every day, write when it hurts, write before the sun comes up and long after it goes down, and every possible moment in between.
The only difference between a good writer and a published writer? Luck. It’s the old “right place at the right time” story.
That luck has happened in small ways for me – little stories that my mom loves, stories that appear in local Catholic newspapers, one poem in an online magazine. But I’m oozing with luck when it comes to what writing offers me. I have time alone to study my world and life, to dissect it and understand the workings of people. How is that lucky? People don’t scare me. Emotions I experience are more easily understood as I study them through writing. Life isn’t as scary as it used to be.
For example, a few months ago I hit a wall with my writing. I tend to work on several projects at once, and all of them stalled for me. I would sit with my notebook or computer and nothing would come. I referred to my notes, and still, the words for the scenes I knew I had to write avoided me. My husband suffered through this with me and finally came up with the idea that I should go back and check my research.
It worked.
Now, when I’m frustrated, when I’ve hit a wall with my writing, with my faith walk, or with homeschooling, he reminds me to “Go back to my research”. For writing, that may mean mythology books or research on Alzheimer’s; but mostly I’m drawn to the Bible.
And when I think about it, it’s the perfect “research foundation” for all of us. The Bible, with its stories and poetry and history, is a literary masterpiece. There is always something God wants to say to us – the Bible is our direct line to Him. Sometimes it’s the Magic 8 Ball – we pray a question to God, open the bible and receive our answer.
The romantic life of being a writer isn’t all ink-stained fingers and frazzled hair. For me, I want it to be a peaceful life, a table with my Bible and a notebook, quiet time with the Lord, and stories that might strengthen faith for others. I’m not concerned with publication success, for I don’t want that to pull me away from my faith walk, but I do hope that my writing will serve a purpose.
It’s been almost ten years since I started writing. It’s a choice – to be a writer. But for me, it wasn’t a huge step. I love to read, I love to watch people, I love poetry. Picking up a pen and giving writing a try was a natural step. It also gave me excuses to read everything I could – it’s research; excuses to buy bigger purses – I need to always have a notebook with me; reasons to find quiet places and time alone to ponder, pray, and explore.
There is a strong tendency to mark the success of a writer with publication; good writers are successful and rich, right? I strongly disagree! Good writers don’t give up. Good writers continually have a need to discover the world through literature, through words, through ink. Good writers write bad sentences – and then play with the words until they sound right, until the emotion we want to evoke is standing right there on the page. Good writers write every day, write when it hurts, write before the sun comes up and long after it goes down, and every possible moment in between.
The only difference between a good writer and a published writer? Luck. It’s the old “right place at the right time” story.
That luck has happened in small ways for me – little stories that my mom loves, stories that appear in local Catholic newspapers, one poem in an online magazine. But I’m oozing with luck when it comes to what writing offers me. I have time alone to study my world and life, to dissect it and understand the workings of people. How is that lucky? People don’t scare me. Emotions I experience are more easily understood as I study them through writing. Life isn’t as scary as it used to be.
For example, a few months ago I hit a wall with my writing. I tend to work on several projects at once, and all of them stalled for me. I would sit with my notebook or computer and nothing would come. I referred to my notes, and still, the words for the scenes I knew I had to write avoided me. My husband suffered through this with me and finally came up with the idea that I should go back and check my research.
It worked.
Now, when I’m frustrated, when I’ve hit a wall with my writing, with my faith walk, or with homeschooling, he reminds me to “Go back to my research”. For writing, that may mean mythology books or research on Alzheimer’s; but mostly I’m drawn to the Bible.
And when I think about it, it’s the perfect “research foundation” for all of us. The Bible, with its stories and poetry and history, is a literary masterpiece. There is always something God wants to say to us – the Bible is our direct line to Him. Sometimes it’s the Magic 8 Ball – we pray a question to God, open the bible and receive our answer.
The romantic life of being a writer isn’t all ink-stained fingers and frazzled hair. For me, I want it to be a peaceful life, a table with my Bible and a notebook, quiet time with the Lord, and stories that might strengthen faith for others. I’m not concerned with publication success, for I don’t want that to pull me away from my faith walk, but I do hope that my writing will serve a purpose.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Walking the Walk
It’s nearly official…Bill and I are going to be foster parents! There is a story here about listening to God, following His will, and altering the course of those plans. Bear with me.
After my second daughter was born, my doctor suggested I not have more children. I am diabetic (type 1) and pregnancy is very hard on my body. But, me being me, I didn’t listen. After delivering my third daughter (who weighed in at 10 lbs. 4 oz.) my doctor said, “Really, Jessica. Another baby might be your death.”
Even I can’t ignore that.
For a few years, I was content with three children. I’m blessed to have children, blessed to have healthy children, and further blessed to have the opportunity to homeschool them. But I always thought I would have more children. Five was the magic number for my husband and I. Five children, a house full of noise and toys and boys. What do I have? Neat little girls and giggling noises. I prayed to God, asking Him to take away the desire for more children. I figured that I shouldn’t feel that need if there was nothing I could do to have more children.
God spoke. Loudly! Later, when I turned on the TV, the very first thing was a commercial about adoption – a commercial I had never seen before, or since.
Yes, Lord. I’m listening!
I shared this with my husband and after much prayer, we decided that we needed to follow God’s plan for us. As we discussed this, the desire for more children grew stronger, but not a need for biological children, but for an adopted child; not a child of my flesh, but a child of my heart. I realized that I had prayed the wrong prayer – He didn’t take away my desire at all. He just presented a solution.
As we began the adoption process, I learned that our name doesn’t go on a list and when we are at the top of that list, we receive a child. Now, a vast majority of all adoptions are Open Adoptions – agreements in which the birth mother selects the family for her child, has options to remain in contact with that family, and receive monthly or annual letters and photos from the family.
No problem! I thought. We are a great family. Not too wealthy, not too poor. Just right. Well, it’s been a year and a half and we still haven’t been chosen. Physically, we don’t appeal to birthmothers. Our skin in too pale, our eyes too blue, our hair too blonde. Mothers of color don’t want their child to grow up the odd one out. And who can blame them? I would feel the same way.
After more prayer, God lead us to St. Vincent Catholic Charities and filled our hearts with a passion for foster care. He also introduced us to a woman at church who is a foster parent. And so we began a new journey.
The goal of foster care is to give loving care to a child while the parents sort out their difficulties. Our family goals are shifting from enlarging our own family, to working with other families so they might be reunited. Very different! But it feels right. Whereas before I was praying for birthmothers to chose us, to give up their child so that I might be more fulfilled, I’m now praying that we might be of service to God to strengthen families so they might come together again.
When I write it that way, I can see that my first prayer was selfish. How many other times did I pray for the wrong thing? Walking this faith walk is opening my eyes to God's ever-present voice (in His Word and on TV!) and how my own desires are in place for His glory.
After my second daughter was born, my doctor suggested I not have more children. I am diabetic (type 1) and pregnancy is very hard on my body. But, me being me, I didn’t listen. After delivering my third daughter (who weighed in at 10 lbs. 4 oz.) my doctor said, “Really, Jessica. Another baby might be your death.”
Even I can’t ignore that.
For a few years, I was content with three children. I’m blessed to have children, blessed to have healthy children, and further blessed to have the opportunity to homeschool them. But I always thought I would have more children. Five was the magic number for my husband and I. Five children, a house full of noise and toys and boys. What do I have? Neat little girls and giggling noises. I prayed to God, asking Him to take away the desire for more children. I figured that I shouldn’t feel that need if there was nothing I could do to have more children.
God spoke. Loudly! Later, when I turned on the TV, the very first thing was a commercial about adoption – a commercial I had never seen before, or since.
Yes, Lord. I’m listening!
I shared this with my husband and after much prayer, we decided that we needed to follow God’s plan for us. As we discussed this, the desire for more children grew stronger, but not a need for biological children, but for an adopted child; not a child of my flesh, but a child of my heart. I realized that I had prayed the wrong prayer – He didn’t take away my desire at all. He just presented a solution.
As we began the adoption process, I learned that our name doesn’t go on a list and when we are at the top of that list, we receive a child. Now, a vast majority of all adoptions are Open Adoptions – agreements in which the birth mother selects the family for her child, has options to remain in contact with that family, and receive monthly or annual letters and photos from the family.
No problem! I thought. We are a great family. Not too wealthy, not too poor. Just right. Well, it’s been a year and a half and we still haven’t been chosen. Physically, we don’t appeal to birthmothers. Our skin in too pale, our eyes too blue, our hair too blonde. Mothers of color don’t want their child to grow up the odd one out. And who can blame them? I would feel the same way.
After more prayer, God lead us to St. Vincent Catholic Charities and filled our hearts with a passion for foster care. He also introduced us to a woman at church who is a foster parent. And so we began a new journey.
The goal of foster care is to give loving care to a child while the parents sort out their difficulties. Our family goals are shifting from enlarging our own family, to working with other families so they might be reunited. Very different! But it feels right. Whereas before I was praying for birthmothers to chose us, to give up their child so that I might be more fulfilled, I’m now praying that we might be of service to God to strengthen families so they might come together again.
When I write it that way, I can see that my first prayer was selfish. How many other times did I pray for the wrong thing? Walking this faith walk is opening my eyes to God's ever-present voice (in His Word and on TV!) and how my own desires are in place for His glory.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Putting "Christ" Back in Christmas
Who else agrees that this title is scary? Who ever thought that Christ would be removed from his very own birthday? I’m trying to picture my birthday party without me; people coming together and giving each other gifts but not doing anything for me or because of me. Sounds ridiculous! Who would do that?
Well? Our culture for one. The arguments that “Merry Christmas” offends people offends me. Our nation is supposed to be the melting pot where everyone of every race and religion can find a place. But if Christ is not a part of that, we are offending the men who wrote the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. We are casting careless insults in the faces of those martyred for the freedoms we take for granted.
So what am I doing about it, you ask? I would love to stand atop the White House and declare my Christian views. But who would listen to me? I’m just…me. But I can make a difference in the lives of my children. And maybe in writing this entry…you.
We are attending daily mass. The season of Advent is a time of preparation for the coming of Jesus – and for us in the time of A.D., the Second Coming of Jesus. In attending daily mass, in the daily forgiveness of sins and consumption of the Eucharist, I hope to ready myself both inside and out for his return and as a means to commemorate his birth.
My husband and I are scaling back the gifts this year too. The girls know they will still receive gifts, but there will not be anything extravagant. The greatest thing we will give our daughters is us. Time with us, conversations, cuddles, puzzles, game time, meal time – all family.
We are setting an extra plate at the table too; just for Jesus. It is his birthday after all! After we sing “Happy Birthday Dear Jesus!” and have cake and ice cream, we will continue the celebration in the reading of Luke’s Infancy Gospel.
We have our Advent Calendar and the Advent Wreath. We have our Christmas tree – covered with lights (because Jesus is the light of the world) and decorations (because through Jesus we are decorated with love and beauty).
If you have more ideas of ways to welcome Jesus to his own birthday party, please share them. It’s time to reclaim our Christian holiday from the retailers. It’s time to make a stand – if only in our own homes – that declares our love for the Lord and our thanks to him for his blood sacrifice.
Well? Our culture for one. The arguments that “Merry Christmas” offends people offends me. Our nation is supposed to be the melting pot where everyone of every race and religion can find a place. But if Christ is not a part of that, we are offending the men who wrote the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. We are casting careless insults in the faces of those martyred for the freedoms we take for granted.
So what am I doing about it, you ask? I would love to stand atop the White House and declare my Christian views. But who would listen to me? I’m just…me. But I can make a difference in the lives of my children. And maybe in writing this entry…you.
We are attending daily mass. The season of Advent is a time of preparation for the coming of Jesus – and for us in the time of A.D., the Second Coming of Jesus. In attending daily mass, in the daily forgiveness of sins and consumption of the Eucharist, I hope to ready myself both inside and out for his return and as a means to commemorate his birth.
My husband and I are scaling back the gifts this year too. The girls know they will still receive gifts, but there will not be anything extravagant. The greatest thing we will give our daughters is us. Time with us, conversations, cuddles, puzzles, game time, meal time – all family.
We are setting an extra plate at the table too; just for Jesus. It is his birthday after all! After we sing “Happy Birthday Dear Jesus!” and have cake and ice cream, we will continue the celebration in the reading of Luke’s Infancy Gospel.
We have our Advent Calendar and the Advent Wreath. We have our Christmas tree – covered with lights (because Jesus is the light of the world) and decorations (because through Jesus we are decorated with love and beauty).
If you have more ideas of ways to welcome Jesus to his own birthday party, please share them. It’s time to reclaim our Christian holiday from the retailers. It’s time to make a stand – if only in our own homes – that declares our love for the Lord and our thanks to him for his blood sacrifice.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Where did November go?
Yikes. Time really escaped me. I have to laugh, though. August, September and October were some of my busiest months - ever. November has been nice and quiet. Even with Thanksgiving and all the traveling we did, I feel rested. My blogging, however, fell to the wayside. I'm amazed at how much more in tune I am with writing when I'm busy.
I started this blog as a means to keep myself focused on the Renewal I experienced at the CRHP Retreat - to stay accountable to God in my daily bible readings, to ensure that my daughters are fed a healthy serving of His Word each day. The feeling I had after that weekend was so powerful, so wonderful (and exhausting), that I wanted to save it in a jar; that way I could open it up, spill it all over the floor, examine each piece and find that feeling again.
Continual Conversion. That's what I'm trying to accomplish here. With the daily grind, the constant cultural attacks, and my own human-nature, I cannot survive if I don't seek continual conversion. That's not easy - but it's not impossible, either.
I will be writing more about this soon, but for now, I'm praying for you - that you find comfort in God's plan for your life instead of seeking comfort in the ease of cultural temptations.
I started this blog as a means to keep myself focused on the Renewal I experienced at the CRHP Retreat - to stay accountable to God in my daily bible readings, to ensure that my daughters are fed a healthy serving of His Word each day. The feeling I had after that weekend was so powerful, so wonderful (and exhausting), that I wanted to save it in a jar; that way I could open it up, spill it all over the floor, examine each piece and find that feeling again.
Continual Conversion. That's what I'm trying to accomplish here. With the daily grind, the constant cultural attacks, and my own human-nature, I cannot survive if I don't seek continual conversion. That's not easy - but it's not impossible, either.
I will be writing more about this soon, but for now, I'm praying for you - that you find comfort in God's plan for your life instead of seeking comfort in the ease of cultural temptations.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
God is Speaking... Are you listening?
I made it! This fall was one of the busiest times in my life. Between homeschooling and writing, I was a co-leader of a bible study, was the Spiritual Director for the Christ Renews His Parish team at my church, and have attended a weekly study on Esther by Beth Moore. I thought I would be exhausted, and physically I am, but spiritually, I'm on the biggest caffiene rush!
Without a doubt, God intended to overload my schedule this fall with Him. I've read the bible daily, I've studied His Word, I've prayed with friends, over friends and because of friends. I have dissected verses with Beth Moore and uncovered a greater understanding of what my life is intended for. (yes, I know I ended that sentence in a preposition...)
But God isn't finished with me yet. Tonight is the last night of my Surrender the Secret bible study. Eight weeks to a free-er me! [sigh] Feels great!
In the last section of the bible study, there is a excerpt from Isaiah that I want to share with you. Perhaps it will mean something to you, maybe you will find the answer to a nagging question. All I know is that it spoke directly to me and I knew immediately that I needed to share it with you.
Isaiah 61:1-3
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.
Now read it again, but this time put your name in where is reads, "me".
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.
Is God speaking to you?
Without a doubt, God intended to overload my schedule this fall with Him. I've read the bible daily, I've studied His Word, I've prayed with friends, over friends and because of friends. I have dissected verses with Beth Moore and uncovered a greater understanding of what my life is intended for. (yes, I know I ended that sentence in a preposition...)
But God isn't finished with me yet. Tonight is the last night of my Surrender the Secret bible study. Eight weeks to a free-er me! [sigh] Feels great!
In the last section of the bible study, there is a excerpt from Isaiah that I want to share with you. Perhaps it will mean something to you, maybe you will find the answer to a nagging question. All I know is that it spoke directly to me and I knew immediately that I needed to share it with you.
Isaiah 61:1-3
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.
Now read it again, but this time put your name in where is reads, "me".
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.
Is God speaking to you?
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Supplies
I finally have ink for my printer. Black ink and color ink. For the last several months (and I don't think I'm exaggerating if I estimate 6 months) I have been low on ink. Black was the first to go. My papers became colorful because all I had left was the color ink. It was fun to print in red and blue and green. But last week, even the pink ink faded into nothing.
Sigh.
And now that my husband needs to print something - we have ink. (go ahead, laugh.) No surprise, the ink shortage caused me to think...about ink, in a sink with the pink drink. (sorry.)
Years ago, ink cartridges were not a necessity. Computers were massive structures in clean rooms and a heavy hum. If you had said the word "internet", people would assume you were talking about hairspray. But now my life is complicated by the very things that are supposed to make life easier. If I can't 'get on-line', I can't work. When my cell phone battery dies, I'm virtually stranded. Texting, scanners, printers, ATMs, touch-screen phones, credit cards, HDTV...and on, and on...
Modern technology has created an entirely new list of "necessary supplies". In that scramble to have the latest and greatest, are we leaving out the original GREATEST? Do you have the daily bible verse application for your iphone (I'm not even sure there is one, but with so many useless apps, why wouldn't there be one that could actually be of great importance)?
So what am I getting at here? Life is complicated. It always has been, but it seems more so now. With instant messaging from friends, we are missing the instant messages from God. My email delivers wonderful jokes and communications, but it's the on-my-knees-mail that really makes my day.
And so I'm signing off for the day. I realize what a contradiction I am right now - typing on the computer, on the internet, posting to my blog about the distractions of the modern age. Good-bye and God Bless for now! I'm going to light a few candles, grab my bible and get back to just the essentials!
Sigh.
And now that my husband needs to print something - we have ink. (go ahead, laugh.) No surprise, the ink shortage caused me to think...about ink, in a sink with the pink drink. (sorry.)
Years ago, ink cartridges were not a necessity. Computers were massive structures in clean rooms and a heavy hum. If you had said the word "internet", people would assume you were talking about hairspray. But now my life is complicated by the very things that are supposed to make life easier. If I can't 'get on-line', I can't work. When my cell phone battery dies, I'm virtually stranded. Texting, scanners, printers, ATMs, touch-screen phones, credit cards, HDTV...and on, and on...
Modern technology has created an entirely new list of "necessary supplies". In that scramble to have the latest and greatest, are we leaving out the original GREATEST? Do you have the daily bible verse application for your iphone (I'm not even sure there is one, but with so many useless apps, why wouldn't there be one that could actually be of great importance)?
So what am I getting at here? Life is complicated. It always has been, but it seems more so now. With instant messaging from friends, we are missing the instant messages from God. My email delivers wonderful jokes and communications, but it's the on-my-knees-mail that really makes my day.
And so I'm signing off for the day. I realize what a contradiction I am right now - typing on the computer, on the internet, posting to my blog about the distractions of the modern age. Good-bye and God Bless for now! I'm going to light a few candles, grab my bible and get back to just the essentials!
Monday, October 19, 2009
NOT Alone!
There are some tasks that need to be done here at the house that I just can’t do alone. The basement floor needs to be painted, but there are too many spiders down there and I don’t want to be the one to move everything out of the way. The bathroom needs new bath fixtures, but that is beyond my skills and I’ll need to learn from someone how to do that. The carpet needs to be cleaned, but I lack the equipment. And putting up the shelves in the basement will need more than two hands. It takes longer to check these chores off the to-do list because I need to arrange time that works with my husband’s schedule so we can both be here at the same time and with our minds set to the same task.
Somewhere along the line, the human race decided that needing help was a sign of weakness. Sure, there are some examples that are displays of weakness, things that we can do but are too lazy to do.
But being independent is different from being strong. I can independently prepare dinner, but I prefer to do it in the company of my children or my husband (but not all at once, my kitchen is too small). I can independently clean my house, but I prefer the help and speed of having the help of my entire family (house is too big). I can independently mourn the loss of a parent, but I don’t want to. I want the help of my family to plan the details, to support me (and I them), to share in the joy of the memories and the loss of a loved one.
Too often we try to put on a brave face and go it alone. Women try to balance all the duties of motherhood in one hand and be a good wife in the other, while tip-toeing over the hot coals of friendships, volunteer duty, or a career. Men try to be strong for their families, not showing weakness, to prevent their families from suffering.
‘Brave faces’ and ‘going-it-alone’ are recipes for disaster. Sometimes all you need is to speak your frustrations to a trust-worthy friend. As soon as we have talked through the issue, it’s not so bad. In giving our struggles words, we reduce them in intensity, we make them less scary, we give up a portion of our pain to God and He carries us. We were not created to be alone. God gave Adam all the animals in creation and Eve; “blood of my blood and flesh of my flesh”. We are the blood and flesh of Adam and Eve and we were created to go through the valley of the shadow of death together. The other side of that valley is even more beautiful when we have someone to share it with. Just like we celebrate our accomplishments with friends and family, we should also share our struggles and pain.
“Laying aside falsehood, speak the truth each of you with his neighbor, for we are all members of one another.” Ephesians 4:25
For years, I hid my pain away deep within my soul. I didn’t want to reveal the ‘evil’ side of me. I didn’t want people to know I was flawed. I was afraid that if people knew what sins I had committed, they would walk away from me. I feared being alone, so I remained alone in my sin. Ironic? There’s more! God told me to confess my sins, that all would be well with my soul. And I doubted Him. I worried so greatly for other people’s opinion of me that I tucked pieces of me away so no one would see. There were only two people in my life who knew the real me – the real secret – and I feared that one day they would suddenly change their mind about me and leave.
That has never happened. In fourteen years, only one person cast a stone at me. One. Out of the hundreds of people I have met and the dozens of friends I have made. One, out of the handful of people that really matter to me. That one person’s denial of forgiveness controlled me. One person! My salvation came when I finally accepted the forgiveness and new life from my One God.
I know what you’re thinking! “Duh! why didn’t you listen to God in the first place?” The answer? Well, to be honest, He’s a little mysterious! I hear His voice all the time now, but there was a phase of my life when I forgot to listen. I allowed the things before my eyes and the items my hands touched to be my gods. Words and opinions ruled my actions. Movies, television, and magazines were my gospels. And where did that lead? Hell. The saying, “Look for the good and you will find it”? That goes for God as well. He is always here, always present, we just need to open our eyes and see it for ourselves.
There were many turning points; I did a gradual fifteen point turn to face my God and accept His love. But, boy! Now that I’m facing him, I’m penitent. I’m on my knees with my face aglow in His love. I’m not alone! I’m in the presence of the greatest God, in the company of His children, surrounded by the gifts of His love. I’ve shared my greatest sorrow to learn that I’m not alone. I embrace all my sisters in sorrow and invite them to become sisters of salvation! Sisters of Grace! Sisters of Joy!
“Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God.” Hebrews 12:15
Like all the chores that need to be done at the house, I lack the motivation, the knowledge, the equipment, or the extra set of hands to do it all well and quickly. But my Christian community is there for me. Somewhere in my circle of Christian Friends, there is someone with the know-how, the tool, the listening ear and the hug that will get me past the trial.
Somewhere along the line, the human race decided that needing help was a sign of weakness. Sure, there are some examples that are displays of weakness, things that we can do but are too lazy to do.
But being independent is different from being strong. I can independently prepare dinner, but I prefer to do it in the company of my children or my husband (but not all at once, my kitchen is too small). I can independently clean my house, but I prefer the help and speed of having the help of my entire family (house is too big). I can independently mourn the loss of a parent, but I don’t want to. I want the help of my family to plan the details, to support me (and I them), to share in the joy of the memories and the loss of a loved one.
Too often we try to put on a brave face and go it alone. Women try to balance all the duties of motherhood in one hand and be a good wife in the other, while tip-toeing over the hot coals of friendships, volunteer duty, or a career. Men try to be strong for their families, not showing weakness, to prevent their families from suffering.
‘Brave faces’ and ‘going-it-alone’ are recipes for disaster. Sometimes all you need is to speak your frustrations to a trust-worthy friend. As soon as we have talked through the issue, it’s not so bad. In giving our struggles words, we reduce them in intensity, we make them less scary, we give up a portion of our pain to God and He carries us. We were not created to be alone. God gave Adam all the animals in creation and Eve; “blood of my blood and flesh of my flesh”. We are the blood and flesh of Adam and Eve and we were created to go through the valley of the shadow of death together. The other side of that valley is even more beautiful when we have someone to share it with. Just like we celebrate our accomplishments with friends and family, we should also share our struggles and pain.
“Laying aside falsehood, speak the truth each of you with his neighbor, for we are all members of one another.” Ephesians 4:25
For years, I hid my pain away deep within my soul. I didn’t want to reveal the ‘evil’ side of me. I didn’t want people to know I was flawed. I was afraid that if people knew what sins I had committed, they would walk away from me. I feared being alone, so I remained alone in my sin. Ironic? There’s more! God told me to confess my sins, that all would be well with my soul. And I doubted Him. I worried so greatly for other people’s opinion of me that I tucked pieces of me away so no one would see. There were only two people in my life who knew the real me – the real secret – and I feared that one day they would suddenly change their mind about me and leave.
That has never happened. In fourteen years, only one person cast a stone at me. One. Out of the hundreds of people I have met and the dozens of friends I have made. One, out of the handful of people that really matter to me. That one person’s denial of forgiveness controlled me. One person! My salvation came when I finally accepted the forgiveness and new life from my One God.
I know what you’re thinking! “Duh! why didn’t you listen to God in the first place?” The answer? Well, to be honest, He’s a little mysterious! I hear His voice all the time now, but there was a phase of my life when I forgot to listen. I allowed the things before my eyes and the items my hands touched to be my gods. Words and opinions ruled my actions. Movies, television, and magazines were my gospels. And where did that lead? Hell. The saying, “Look for the good and you will find it”? That goes for God as well. He is always here, always present, we just need to open our eyes and see it for ourselves.
There were many turning points; I did a gradual fifteen point turn to face my God and accept His love. But, boy! Now that I’m facing him, I’m penitent. I’m on my knees with my face aglow in His love. I’m not alone! I’m in the presence of the greatest God, in the company of His children, surrounded by the gifts of His love. I’ve shared my greatest sorrow to learn that I’m not alone. I embrace all my sisters in sorrow and invite them to become sisters of salvation! Sisters of Grace! Sisters of Joy!
“Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God.” Hebrews 12:15
Like all the chores that need to be done at the house, I lack the motivation, the knowledge, the equipment, or the extra set of hands to do it all well and quickly. But my Christian community is there for me. Somewhere in my circle of Christian Friends, there is someone with the know-how, the tool, the listening ear and the hug that will get me past the trial.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Spider Webs
We had our retreat this weekend. It wasn’t what women were looking for, but I do believe it was what they needed. Just like the books and movies that I continue to think about long after ‘The End’, the Christ Renews His Parish is staying with me. I keep thinking about my team and how we have grown stronger in our faith. I keep thinking about the women who came.
It occurred to me today that the retreat is like a spider web.
Picture a spider web with its fine lines and intricate patterns. It’s a beautiful work of art, a product of nature that is unequal to anything; no other animals or insect can create anything like it. Many animals create nests and burrows and the like, but spiders create the substance that makes the web and they have the innate knowledge that allows them to construct the webs.
I think the starburst web in the early mornings in spring are the most beautiful. The sun catches the tiny drops of dew and rainbows twinkle in the little globes of water. But the beauty turns to skin-crawling fear when the second thought enters my mind – “Where is the spider?”
It amazes me that such a creepy creature can make such a beautiful web – a web so beautiful that even God adds to it with the dew to make it sparkle! A few summers ago, a spider chose a window in our family as the location for her web. Luckily for me and the spider, she was outside. It was such a privilege to spend the day with her. She sat on her web and I sat at my desk on the other side of the window and we watched each other. She was amazingly graceful and careful as she made daily repairs on her web. Her long, slender legs moved with the ease and beauty of a prima ballerina. Despite her grace, her form still sends chills up my spine. I could never hold her in my hand, but I did miss her the day she left my window.
The retreat is the same – the spine-tingling stories that women share about their lives; stories of loss, tragedy, poor choices, pain and suffering – all turn to beauty through their acceptance of God’s love for them. The stories become windows to the reality of God’s love for us. Like a spider web, His beautiful bounty catches us like dew on its threads. God’s web extends the length of the world, glistening in the natural world, shining in the light of His Son’s sacrifice, for all of us.
Maybe we are the spiders, using what God has given us to weave a vast design that is only seen in its entirety at a distance. Hmmmm…
It occurred to me today that the retreat is like a spider web.
Picture a spider web with its fine lines and intricate patterns. It’s a beautiful work of art, a product of nature that is unequal to anything; no other animals or insect can create anything like it. Many animals create nests and burrows and the like, but spiders create the substance that makes the web and they have the innate knowledge that allows them to construct the webs.
I think the starburst web in the early mornings in spring are the most beautiful. The sun catches the tiny drops of dew and rainbows twinkle in the little globes of water. But the beauty turns to skin-crawling fear when the second thought enters my mind – “Where is the spider?”
It amazes me that such a creepy creature can make such a beautiful web – a web so beautiful that even God adds to it with the dew to make it sparkle! A few summers ago, a spider chose a window in our family as the location for her web. Luckily for me and the spider, she was outside. It was such a privilege to spend the day with her. She sat on her web and I sat at my desk on the other side of the window and we watched each other. She was amazingly graceful and careful as she made daily repairs on her web. Her long, slender legs moved with the ease and beauty of a prima ballerina. Despite her grace, her form still sends chills up my spine. I could never hold her in my hand, but I did miss her the day she left my window.
The retreat is the same – the spine-tingling stories that women share about their lives; stories of loss, tragedy, poor choices, pain and suffering – all turn to beauty through their acceptance of God’s love for them. The stories become windows to the reality of God’s love for us. Like a spider web, His beautiful bounty catches us like dew on its threads. God’s web extends the length of the world, glistening in the natural world, shining in the light of His Son’s sacrifice, for all of us.
Maybe we are the spiders, using what God has given us to weave a vast design that is only seen in its entirety at a distance. Hmmmm…
Friday, October 16, 2009
Retreat! Retreat!
The weekend is here and I have only a few hours left to do the last minute details, a few more trips to the store, and pack up the kids and myself. But then....ah! I will retreat.
Not the battle cry of a defeated army - but the call of God to come and rest and hear his Word. Retreat back to the simple things. Relinquish your cell phone, your watch, and listen to what's important.
My posts for this blog have fallen from my list of priorities not because I haven't been thinking about it, but because I haven't been able to scratch out the time. I don't watch much TV, I read too much, and I homeschool my children. Despite my mental efforts not feel overwhelmed by this retreat weekend, it's impossible to do that completely. I have not lost my patience, I've been overjoyed with the news of each individual who has decided to attend - all of which has happened in the last week!
The last retreat was for me and my team of sisters. We showed up, were pampered, and left renewed. This time it is our turn to serve. But I will not be worn down by that service. Christ is my example, he gave and gave to his followers, but reserved time for himself in quiet prayer. What a beautiful role model.
My prayer for this weekend:
Lord, I pray that you keep my team of sister healthy and relaxed this weekend, so we are ready to meet any obstacle head on with a positive feel in our heart. I pray that all the women who have signed up are met by you right at the door; that you calm any anxieties, quell any nerves, speak to them in words they will hear and understand.
I ask the Holy Spirit to surround us with a shield from the outside influences - negativity, germs, scheduling conflicts - anything that will come between them and Renewal. Lord, you know why you have sent each of these women. Help us to met their needs, to speak the words you want us to, to reach them in a loving way.
I pray this in Your Name!
Not the battle cry of a defeated army - but the call of God to come and rest and hear his Word. Retreat back to the simple things. Relinquish your cell phone, your watch, and listen to what's important.
My posts for this blog have fallen from my list of priorities not because I haven't been thinking about it, but because I haven't been able to scratch out the time. I don't watch much TV, I read too much, and I homeschool my children. Despite my mental efforts not feel overwhelmed by this retreat weekend, it's impossible to do that completely. I have not lost my patience, I've been overjoyed with the news of each individual who has decided to attend - all of which has happened in the last week!
The last retreat was for me and my team of sisters. We showed up, were pampered, and left renewed. This time it is our turn to serve. But I will not be worn down by that service. Christ is my example, he gave and gave to his followers, but reserved time for himself in quiet prayer. What a beautiful role model.
My prayer for this weekend:
Lord, I pray that you keep my team of sister healthy and relaxed this weekend, so we are ready to meet any obstacle head on with a positive feel in our heart. I pray that all the women who have signed up are met by you right at the door; that you calm any anxieties, quell any nerves, speak to them in words they will hear and understand.
I ask the Holy Spirit to surround us with a shield from the outside influences - negativity, germs, scheduling conflicts - anything that will come between them and Renewal. Lord, you know why you have sent each of these women. Help us to met their needs, to speak the words you want us to, to reach them in a loving way.
I pray this in Your Name!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Pain from Sin
It's been a few days - a week actually - since I've posted anything, and it just came to me as to why. I've been sick. Not 'fever' sick or congestion or anything like that, but just sick. My stomach has been in knots. I've felt nauseous. Foods have tasted funny. You know - sick.
But why? I've been working through a bible study called 'Surrendering the Secret'. It's for working through the trauma of being a post-abortive mother. Yes, that's me. For years I've carried around the burden of knowing that I refused one of the greatest gifts God has to offer - motherhood. I was afraid, scared, in a bad situtation, and I didn't see any other way out. I was capable, but weak. I was ashamed. I succumbed to the lies of the Evil One.
But I did try a little. Friends of mine found themselves in the same situation a few years before. They went to a clinic and were counseled about the truth of abortion - as a result, they chose life. I was too weak to make that choice alone, so I called a clinic and set up an appointment, thinking that I would be counseled, that my boyfriend would hear the truths and change his mind. I wanted to change my mind too, but I needed someone to help me do that. What I discovered was that not all clinics counsel you. Not all clinics show you the ultrasound or tell you how far along you are. I cried through the entire procedure, all the way home, and for months...and years afterwards. I had lost a child, lost an opportunity, lost my soul. I had sinned the greatest sin. How would I ever find redemption? Salvation felt out of reach. I was unworthy and unlovable.
I resigned to accept my fate. I had chosen abortion - my child died. I wasn't allowed to mourn for that loss because it had been my doing. The pieces of my soul dripped away from me and I became less like myself...less of what God intended for me.
But God is beyond all those things.
Over the years, God has persisted to convince me that He loves me. He set my husband in my life - who knows my secret and married me anyway. He has placed other post-abortive mothers in my life and together we have mourned our losses. The 'Surrendering the Secret' bible study is the culminating event for me. I've worked through much of my pain - or so I thought. But as I go through the pages of this study, I realized that there is more to heal, more scars that I didn't see before.
And as I worked through the pages, I became physically ill. I've been holding onto my grief like a security blanket. But it's time for me to move on. And so I say, "Good-bye, Grief. Take that, Despair! Here I come, Redemption!!!"
The joy I feel is unlike anything I've experienced. It was born on sin and raised on shame, but has finally been released to the God of All. He has made my tears of sorrows into diamonds of His good works. Through God, all things are possible. I never fully understood that before, but He has turned my pain into a mission through which I might be able to connect with other women like me; suffering under the burden of sin and shame. If you are a post-abortive mother like me, come out from under that shadow! Join me in God's light. It's scary and painful but wonderful. We need to go through the labor of birthing the pain of our abortion and we need good friends and husbands to coach us through.
If you share the same past as me, know that I am praying for you. Know that God loves you and wants you to come home to Him. He's waiting! Why are you?
But why? I've been working through a bible study called 'Surrendering the Secret'. It's for working through the trauma of being a post-abortive mother. Yes, that's me. For years I've carried around the burden of knowing that I refused one of the greatest gifts God has to offer - motherhood. I was afraid, scared, in a bad situtation, and I didn't see any other way out. I was capable, but weak. I was ashamed. I succumbed to the lies of the Evil One.
But I did try a little. Friends of mine found themselves in the same situation a few years before. They went to a clinic and were counseled about the truth of abortion - as a result, they chose life. I was too weak to make that choice alone, so I called a clinic and set up an appointment, thinking that I would be counseled, that my boyfriend would hear the truths and change his mind. I wanted to change my mind too, but I needed someone to help me do that. What I discovered was that not all clinics counsel you. Not all clinics show you the ultrasound or tell you how far along you are. I cried through the entire procedure, all the way home, and for months...and years afterwards. I had lost a child, lost an opportunity, lost my soul. I had sinned the greatest sin. How would I ever find redemption? Salvation felt out of reach. I was unworthy and unlovable.
I resigned to accept my fate. I had chosen abortion - my child died. I wasn't allowed to mourn for that loss because it had been my doing. The pieces of my soul dripped away from me and I became less like myself...less of what God intended for me.
But God is beyond all those things.
Over the years, God has persisted to convince me that He loves me. He set my husband in my life - who knows my secret and married me anyway. He has placed other post-abortive mothers in my life and together we have mourned our losses. The 'Surrendering the Secret' bible study is the culminating event for me. I've worked through much of my pain - or so I thought. But as I go through the pages of this study, I realized that there is more to heal, more scars that I didn't see before.
And as I worked through the pages, I became physically ill. I've been holding onto my grief like a security blanket. But it's time for me to move on. And so I say, "Good-bye, Grief. Take that, Despair! Here I come, Redemption!!!"
The joy I feel is unlike anything I've experienced. It was born on sin and raised on shame, but has finally been released to the God of All. He has made my tears of sorrows into diamonds of His good works. Through God, all things are possible. I never fully understood that before, but He has turned my pain into a mission through which I might be able to connect with other women like me; suffering under the burden of sin and shame. If you are a post-abortive mother like me, come out from under that shadow! Join me in God's light. It's scary and painful but wonderful. We need to go through the labor of birthing the pain of our abortion and we need good friends and husbands to coach us through.
If you share the same past as me, know that I am praying for you. Know that God loves you and wants you to come home to Him. He's waiting! Why are you?
Friday, October 2, 2009
Amazing!!!
Oh, the power of God! Last night at our bible study, we shared letters to a person who had hurt us. With the intention of not sending those letters, just using the act of writing them as a means to get out all the junk in our hearts; like 'cleaning the attic'. We wrote and read our letters, then ripped them to shreds. Writing my letter was theraputic and I felt healed afterwards. But it was the physical act of tearing it to shreds that I loved!
One woman sent her letter to the person who had hurt her. She saw it as an opportunity to heal the rift between her and her mother. She read her letter, but couldn't rip it up. She read from a copy of the letter; she wanted to keep it as proof of what she had written so nothing could come back to her misrepresented. It was obvious that her mother would try to twist her letter into an attack. After she shared her need to keep the letter, another member of the bible study shared some encouragement. She said that the letter was the 'evidence' she needed to prove to herself that she was not at fault - to protect herself from the harmful words and actions that might present themselves as a reaction to the letter.
Brilliant comparision! How often do we grip our own 'evidence' so tightly that we don't allow God to step in and heal us and the situation?
There was not a dry eye when that letter was torn up! I was filled with such joy for her! The simple act of destroying our letters lead to such healing. It was an act of giving our pain to God - He knows our hearts, He knows what we need. That letter represented our needs - written in our own hands. Now each of us knows that we have been forgiven, God has given us redemption.
I praise God for His love for me and for you!
One woman sent her letter to the person who had hurt her. She saw it as an opportunity to heal the rift between her and her mother. She read her letter, but couldn't rip it up. She read from a copy of the letter; she wanted to keep it as proof of what she had written so nothing could come back to her misrepresented. It was obvious that her mother would try to twist her letter into an attack. After she shared her need to keep the letter, another member of the bible study shared some encouragement. She said that the letter was the 'evidence' she needed to prove to herself that she was not at fault - to protect herself from the harmful words and actions that might present themselves as a reaction to the letter.
Brilliant comparision! How often do we grip our own 'evidence' so tightly that we don't allow God to step in and heal us and the situation?
There was not a dry eye when that letter was torn up! I was filled with such joy for her! The simple act of destroying our letters lead to such healing. It was an act of giving our pain to God - He knows our hearts, He knows what we need. That letter represented our needs - written in our own hands. Now each of us knows that we have been forgiven, God has given us redemption.
I praise God for His love for me and for you!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Anger Can lead to Renewal
Part of my personal renewal has been a scourging of my past sins. Yes, scourging. It feels as difficult as that sounds. Renewal isn’t a happy little cap that is placed on my head; it’s not a t-shirt that reads “All is well, I’m not going to Hell”. Renewal for me has been like taking a wire brush to my skin and exfoliated until I was shiny pink and raw. Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? [smile]
But after the crust of my sins had been scrubbed off and my skin had peeled and healed, I had new skin. Tough and thicker and fresh skin. Imagine the perfectly smooth and soft skin of a baby – that’s what it felt like. That everything was new and perfected. Sure, I thought I was fine with my old skin. It had served me well, hadn’t it? I looked happy and felt pretty good. But now, on the other side of my healing, the vision of looking back is 20/20. I can now see that my old life was not healthy. The lies I had been told and the lies I had been telling myself were band-aids covering the bigger issue.
My bible study tonight is dealing with anger. And surprisingly, I don’t want to go. Ug. Anger. Blah! I feel like I’ve already dealt with the anger issues. I don’t want to hear of other people’s sad anger stories. I’m in such a good place, why would I want to do that to myself? But, I realized, that is the old me talking. (Yes, she surfaces every now and then.) The purpose is to not rehash anger, but to give myself permission to feel that anger. I’ve been forgiven, and have forgiven myself. Now it’s time to help my sisters heal from their anger. Maybe I’ll discover that I still have some issues to deal with, but maybe I won’t. Either way, I’ll go. Either way, I’ll pray for the other women, find a glimmer of hope in their eyes.
My new self is trying to be positive. My new life is filled with healing and hope.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Which are you?
The following was not written by me, but it's too good to not share. Enjoy!
Carrots, Eggs, & Coffee!
A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.'
'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.
Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.
Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to
the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee
bean?
Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and
stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the
bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you
handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
Carrots, Eggs, & Coffee!
A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.'
'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.
Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.
Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to
the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee
bean?
Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and
stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the
bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you
handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Acts 2:17-21
Here's a warning for those who do take God out of the equation...Will we recognize the coming of the Lord if we don't know His ways?
"It will come to pass in the last days," God says, "that I will pour out a portion of my spirit upon all flesh. Your sons and your daughters shall prophecy, your young men shall see visions, your old men shall dream dreams. Indeed, upon my servents and my handmaids I will pour out a portion of my spirit in those days, and they shall prophecy. And I will work wonders in the heavens above and signs of the earth below: blood, fire, and a cloud of smoke. The sun shall be turned to darkness, and the moon to blood, before the coming of the great and splendid day of the Lord, and it shall be that everyone shall be saved who calls on the name of the Lord." Acts 2: 17-21
I don't know about you, but I don't want to miss this train! I have been blessed with the knowledge of God's existence. I have felt His presence and I know the strengthening power of His love. Now, imagine missing an eternity of that love and beauty? No one can know for sure if their lives will be pleasing to God, if our faith and our actions are enough to get us through those pearly gates, but I will not be accused of not trying. Even Paul wasn't certain of his place with God!
What can I do today to please God? What actions can I perform? What prayers can I offer? Maybe it's a start to just be aware of my actions and make them pleasing to God. Maybe that in itself will be an answer to a prayer.
"It will come to pass in the last days," God says, "that I will pour out a portion of my spirit upon all flesh. Your sons and your daughters shall prophecy, your young men shall see visions, your old men shall dream dreams. Indeed, upon my servents and my handmaids I will pour out a portion of my spirit in those days, and they shall prophecy. And I will work wonders in the heavens above and signs of the earth below: blood, fire, and a cloud of smoke. The sun shall be turned to darkness, and the moon to blood, before the coming of the great and splendid day of the Lord, and it shall be that everyone shall be saved who calls on the name of the Lord." Acts 2: 17-21
I don't know about you, but I don't want to miss this train! I have been blessed with the knowledge of God's existence. I have felt His presence and I know the strengthening power of His love. Now, imagine missing an eternity of that love and beauty? No one can know for sure if their lives will be pleasing to God, if our faith and our actions are enough to get us through those pearly gates, but I will not be accused of not trying. Even Paul wasn't certain of his place with God!
What can I do today to please God? What actions can I perform? What prayers can I offer? Maybe it's a start to just be aware of my actions and make them pleasing to God. Maybe that in itself will be an answer to a prayer.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Life's Instructions
Who said that life doesn't come with an instruction manual? I've often heard parents say that they wish their children came with instructions (particularly where the mute button is or where the 'power-down' option is located).
But you know that we do have an instructional manual, otherwise you probably wouldn't be reading this. It begins in Ephesians 4:25 and continues on through the end of that book. This is just one such location in the bible that offers a 'how to' for life.
Making these changes to my life has been easy. I want to be a better person. I want to live for Jesus. I want to go to heaven and have an eternity in the light of God. I'm not perfect at this, however. Changing the way a person lives is much like going on a diet (which is so very difficult!) We are giving up the sweetness of sin, throwing out the bags of crunchy, salty chips of desire, and saying 'no' to desserts topped with cherry lies and deceit. Replacing all that with a steady diet of bible readings, prayer, Mass, and more prayer. We are filling our 'snack times' with bible studies. We exercise in God's Word, building muscles for goodness and trimming the fat of sin. And while we may become beautiful bodies for the Lord, we will maintain our conservative dress and not parade around town in skimpy bikinis or dresses. Our beauty will be in our words, our actions, our prayers, in the fact that we live our lives not for ourselves, but for God.
Go read Ephesians 4:25 - 6:24. It's all there - everything you ever need to know about how to live your life.
But you know that we do have an instructional manual, otherwise you probably wouldn't be reading this. It begins in Ephesians 4:25 and continues on through the end of that book. This is just one such location in the bible that offers a 'how to' for life.
Making these changes to my life has been easy. I want to be a better person. I want to live for Jesus. I want to go to heaven and have an eternity in the light of God. I'm not perfect at this, however. Changing the way a person lives is much like going on a diet (which is so very difficult!) We are giving up the sweetness of sin, throwing out the bags of crunchy, salty chips of desire, and saying 'no' to desserts topped with cherry lies and deceit. Replacing all that with a steady diet of bible readings, prayer, Mass, and more prayer. We are filling our 'snack times' with bible studies. We exercise in God's Word, building muscles for goodness and trimming the fat of sin. And while we may become beautiful bodies for the Lord, we will maintain our conservative dress and not parade around town in skimpy bikinis or dresses. Our beauty will be in our words, our actions, our prayers, in the fact that we live our lives not for ourselves, but for God.
Go read Ephesians 4:25 - 6:24. It's all there - everything you ever need to know about how to live your life.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Ephesians 4:17-21
God is so amazing! And the bible? I'm beginning to think of it as the original telephone - a direct link to God. Yesterday I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by the entire CRHP process - the readings, the preparations, the meetings. But more than that, being a mother, a homeschooling parent, a wife, a daughter, the meal planner. The garden is kicking out tomatoes in record numbers and they need to be canned. So much to do! When will I do all this? How can I possibly do it well?
But God stepped in and said, "When will you remember to give all your worries to me? Silly girl! Here, read this: Romans 4:17-21, and remember why you are doing this."
(I didn't actually hear that, but I remembered to give my worries to God and when I opened my bible, this is the verse that it opened to. The title "Renewal in Christ" caught my eye and was a perfect answer.)
"So I declare and testify in the Lord that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds; darkened in understanding, alienated from the life of God because of their ignorance, because of their hardness of heart, they have become callous and have handed themselves over to licentiousness for the practice of every kind of impurity to excess." Ephesians 17-19
My first thought was, "Wow! That's a long sentence!" Second thought, "What does 'licentiousness' mean?" Thanks to dictionary.com, the definition is:
–adjective
1.sexually unrestrained; lascivious; libertine; lewd.
2.unrestrained by law or general morality; lawless; immoral.
3.going beyond customary or proper bounds or limits; disregarding rules.
Don't you just love technology?
That first sentence was a description of who I used to be - someone who didn't follow God's law. A soul lost to the things of this world. The language is harsh, but very accurate: "darkened in understanding", "alienated", "hardness of heart". It was the reminder I needed as to why I'm doing this. It was a little kick in the pants from God saying, "You are not the person you used to be. You are my daughter, whom I love. Keep going. Keep reading. Come to me."
"That is not how you learned Christ, assuming that you heard of him and were taught in him, as truth is in Jesus, that you should put away your old self of your former way of life, corrupted through deceitful desires, and be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and put on the new self, created in God's way in righteousness and holiness of truth."Ephesians 20-21
Yes! Put on my new self. Like a shirt or a robe, I can clothe myself in my faith in Jesus. Like a garment, my faith can be stained with sin or soiled with corruption. My choices are the grass stains and coffee spills on my white, renewed spirit. And just like a garment, I must keep it clean and pressed so that others may look at me and say, "She is a Christian". But mostly, I want to meet Jesus in a clean robe with the stains freshly washed away through Reconciliation, the wrinkles pressed flat through bible readings, and a clean mountain-fresh scent from doing as he said, "Eat my flesh and drink my blood and you will have everlasting life."
So thank you, God! Thank you for the bible that keeps me going. Thank you for inspiring these words so that your children may know you. Thank you for speaking to me this morning and sharing your love for me. You are a kind and loving father and I feel so loved! I hope my actions today please you, that my words are your words, that I show love for those I meet today the way you love them.
But God stepped in and said, "When will you remember to give all your worries to me? Silly girl! Here, read this: Romans 4:17-21, and remember why you are doing this."
(I didn't actually hear that, but I remembered to give my worries to God and when I opened my bible, this is the verse that it opened to. The title "Renewal in Christ" caught my eye and was a perfect answer.)
"So I declare and testify in the Lord that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds; darkened in understanding, alienated from the life of God because of their ignorance, because of their hardness of heart, they have become callous and have handed themselves over to licentiousness for the practice of every kind of impurity to excess." Ephesians 17-19
My first thought was, "Wow! That's a long sentence!" Second thought, "What does 'licentiousness' mean?" Thanks to dictionary.com, the definition is:
–adjective
1.sexually unrestrained; lascivious; libertine; lewd.
2.unrestrained by law or general morality; lawless; immoral.
3.going beyond customary or proper bounds or limits; disregarding rules.
Don't you just love technology?
That first sentence was a description of who I used to be - someone who didn't follow God's law. A soul lost to the things of this world. The language is harsh, but very accurate: "darkened in understanding", "alienated", "hardness of heart". It was the reminder I needed as to why I'm doing this. It was a little kick in the pants from God saying, "You are not the person you used to be. You are my daughter, whom I love. Keep going. Keep reading. Come to me."
"That is not how you learned Christ, assuming that you heard of him and were taught in him, as truth is in Jesus, that you should put away your old self of your former way of life, corrupted through deceitful desires, and be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and put on the new self, created in God's way in righteousness and holiness of truth."Ephesians 20-21
Yes! Put on my new self. Like a shirt or a robe, I can clothe myself in my faith in Jesus. Like a garment, my faith can be stained with sin or soiled with corruption. My choices are the grass stains and coffee spills on my white, renewed spirit. And just like a garment, I must keep it clean and pressed so that others may look at me and say, "She is a Christian". But mostly, I want to meet Jesus in a clean robe with the stains freshly washed away through Reconciliation, the wrinkles pressed flat through bible readings, and a clean mountain-fresh scent from doing as he said, "Eat my flesh and drink my blood and you will have everlasting life."
So thank you, God! Thank you for the bible that keeps me going. Thank you for inspiring these words so that your children may know you. Thank you for speaking to me this morning and sharing your love for me. You are a kind and loving father and I feel so loved! I hope my actions today please you, that my words are your words, that I show love for those I meet today the way you love them.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Butterflies
With our garden in full bloom, we've been visited frequently by a band of butterflies. Why is it that seeing a butterfly makes me stop and watch? It is such a treat to see a butterfly more than any other insect. Is it the fact that butterflies go through such a change? From larvae to caterpillar to chrysallis to butterfly? That's four different lives! Can we say as much about our lives?
Maybe.
Caterpillars devour everything in sight - leaves, fruits, vegetables. Munch-munching their way from a tiny size to a glutonous caterpillar the size of an adult's finger, these creatures can do some damage! It reminds me of people. We are consumers. If we see it and it looks like it will make us more impressive, we want it. We stuff ourselves on things, and soon, like the caterpillar, we need bigger skin.
Then the chrysallis stage. Caterpillars slow down, find a place to stay and form a Chrysallis - a cocoon of safety. Everything they've eaten has prepared them for this next stage - a metamorphosis from a creepy crawly to a masterpiece in flight. The Chrysallis stage for people has two possibilities. One, people are stuffed after consuming all the world has to offer. Caterpillars eat good things and become butterflies - exactly what God intended. But people don't always "eat" what we are supposed to. Our appetite ruins the shape God gave us. We drown our emotions in food, alcohol, pornography, and careers. The coccons for these people are lined with anti-depressants, therapists, and sin. When they emerge, if they emerge, they haven't changed. The metamorphosis couldn't take place because they were drugged to a stupor. In nature, these chrysallis are snacks for predators; little buttons of nourishment.
The second possibility for people entering the chryssalis stage is true change. They look over everything they've learned (consumed) and either like what they see or don't -- and change! Stillness follows. They wrap themselves in an agent of change: the bible, the church, good friends, or sometimes (and sadly) cults and practices that offer enlightenment. It's true that not all change is good. But change happens for these folks and they emerge in a completely new form; some stunning, some simple, some colorful, some in camoflauge - but all with wings.
So, am I a snack, shrink wrapped in the seven sins and waiting for some one to pluck me off a branch and take a bite? Or am I truly becoming what God intended? Finding my wings?
Maybe.
Caterpillars devour everything in sight - leaves, fruits, vegetables. Munch-munching their way from a tiny size to a glutonous caterpillar the size of an adult's finger, these creatures can do some damage! It reminds me of people. We are consumers. If we see it and it looks like it will make us more impressive, we want it. We stuff ourselves on things, and soon, like the caterpillar, we need bigger skin.
Then the chrysallis stage. Caterpillars slow down, find a place to stay and form a Chrysallis - a cocoon of safety. Everything they've eaten has prepared them for this next stage - a metamorphosis from a creepy crawly to a masterpiece in flight. The Chrysallis stage for people has two possibilities. One, people are stuffed after consuming all the world has to offer. Caterpillars eat good things and become butterflies - exactly what God intended. But people don't always "eat" what we are supposed to. Our appetite ruins the shape God gave us. We drown our emotions in food, alcohol, pornography, and careers. The coccons for these people are lined with anti-depressants, therapists, and sin. When they emerge, if they emerge, they haven't changed. The metamorphosis couldn't take place because they were drugged to a stupor. In nature, these chrysallis are snacks for predators; little buttons of nourishment.
The second possibility for people entering the chryssalis stage is true change. They look over everything they've learned (consumed) and either like what they see or don't -- and change! Stillness follows. They wrap themselves in an agent of change: the bible, the church, good friends, or sometimes (and sadly) cults and practices that offer enlightenment. It's true that not all change is good. But change happens for these folks and they emerge in a completely new form; some stunning, some simple, some colorful, some in camoflauge - but all with wings.
So, am I a snack, shrink wrapped in the seven sins and waiting for some one to pluck me off a branch and take a bite? Or am I truly becoming what God intended? Finding my wings?
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Light Bulbs?
I'm reading the book of Acts, when the Holy Spirit "appeared to them (the Apostles) tongues of fire, which parted and came to rest on each of them." The Apostles were inside, behind locked doors for fear of persecution. The Holy Spirit came to them despite the barracades and bestowed them with languages and insight uncommon for the normal man, but possible for true followers of Jesus.
Tongues of fire from God to enlighten the Apostles. How similar is that from the 'light bulb over the head' image? The light bulb, being man-made, would reflect ideas that are not necessarily original, but of man; whereas only a select few ever recieve the gift of the Holy Spirit, thus opening their mouths, minds, and souls to the greatness of God. The best one can hope for with a light bulb is to see what is right in front of them. But even then, what is hidden in the shadows remains hidden. Not so with God; He transcends all locks, languages, peoples, and situations.
Or - have people, as a whole, taken God out of our ideas, claiming that man is in control of his own world by replacing the visual representation of "tongues of fire" with the glass-encasted vacuum of electic light?
Tongues of fire from God to enlighten the Apostles. How similar is that from the 'light bulb over the head' image? The light bulb, being man-made, would reflect ideas that are not necessarily original, but of man; whereas only a select few ever recieve the gift of the Holy Spirit, thus opening their mouths, minds, and souls to the greatness of God. The best one can hope for with a light bulb is to see what is right in front of them. But even then, what is hidden in the shadows remains hidden. Not so with God; He transcends all locks, languages, peoples, and situations.
Or - have people, as a whole, taken God out of our ideas, claiming that man is in control of his own world by replacing the visual representation of "tongues of fire" with the glass-encasted vacuum of electic light?
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
House Fly Words or Butterfly Words?
Summer is in it's full glory (finally, after such a cool start) and the insects are making up for lost time. During a recent walk, a team of flies decided to join me. They buzzed in tight circles around my head and took turns dive bombing my face. They didn't follow me into the sunshine and for that I'm grateful because I would have missed the butterflies. All over a small field of flowers, two dozen butterflies went about the business of gathering nectar and bumping along the air on giant wings. I stopped to watch for a few minutes, happy that they flies had remained in the shadows, giving me a moment of peace.
As I walked on, a funny thought came to me. I have people in my life who are like flies. House flies. One friend in particular came to mind. She's lovely and makes me laugh, but I've discovered that I can not rely on her for anything. She has great ideas and the best intentions. She'll talk over ideas, asks me to help out, and then drops the whole thing when it shows the slightest chance of becoming a challenge. She's held many jobs; all ending with a bad taste in her mouth. Her words are House Fly Words. They are born out of poop and buzz around me in annoying circles until I squach them flat.
Then there are people who do what they say they will do. They pray for those in need. They have great ideas and have built a good life on them. Their careers are usually more solid and they have the "twenty-year plaque" to prove it. I love listening to these friends because they speak Butterfly Words - hauntingly beautiful, fluttery words that make me smile. These are the words that I want to chase across a field, catch in a net and display for all to admire.
I want to speak butterfly words; to write butterfly words. I want to be still in God's Word so I may emerge each day a change person-- changed from my days as a gluttonous caterpillar consumer. I want wings!
As I walked on, a funny thought came to me. I have people in my life who are like flies. House flies. One friend in particular came to mind. She's lovely and makes me laugh, but I've discovered that I can not rely on her for anything. She has great ideas and the best intentions. She'll talk over ideas, asks me to help out, and then drops the whole thing when it shows the slightest chance of becoming a challenge. She's held many jobs; all ending with a bad taste in her mouth. Her words are House Fly Words. They are born out of poop and buzz around me in annoying circles until I squach them flat.
Then there are people who do what they say they will do. They pray for those in need. They have great ideas and have built a good life on them. Their careers are usually more solid and they have the "twenty-year plaque" to prove it. I love listening to these friends because they speak Butterfly Words - hauntingly beautiful, fluttery words that make me smile. These are the words that I want to chase across a field, catch in a net and display for all to admire.
I want to speak butterfly words; to write butterfly words. I want to be still in God's Word so I may emerge each day a change person-- changed from my days as a gluttonous caterpillar consumer. I want wings!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Thirty-seven things to do in my thirty-seventh year:
Today is my birthday. Instead of just celebrating with presents and cake, I'm going to treat today like New Year's. What follows is my list of resolutions. Here's to another great year!
1. To have no specific plans on my birthday, but just enjoy the day as it comes.
2. Read the bible cover to cover.
3. Have a great year homeschooling the girls.
4. Adopt a baby (I really have no control over this, but it’s still a desire)
5. Run five 5K’s.
6. Sell this house and find a farmhouse.
7. Raise chickens at my new farmhouse.
8. Finish writing two more novels.
9. Sell the first novel to a publisher/find an agent.
10. Continue to grow in my faith.
11. Fight against the government and their plot to remove my parental rights.
12. Read at least one book a month.
13. Add posts to both my blogs at least once a week.
14. Maintain my current insulin usage.
15. Go to Stratford for the Shakespeare festival.
16. Travel to Notre Dame with my church group for a pilgrimage.
17. Take a bus/train to Chicago and visit a good friend – whom I miss dearly, even though I don’t call as often as I should!
18. Go to “Mexico”.
19. Attend my 20th high school reunion. Yikes!
20.Lead a bible study.
21. Celebrate my 12th Wedding anniversary.
22. Make a three-tiered cake – a fancy one.
23. Finish at least one family scrapbook. I’m several years behind.
24. Rejoice always!
25. Run around Mackinaw Island. (I’m not sure I even spelling that right, but luckily spelling isn’t necessary for running.)
26. Host a girls’ night out at my house.
27. Be content with what God has given me – not to look at His gifts as insufficient or undesirable.
28. Not use a credit card all year. Cash only.
29. Submit six short stories to Children’s magazines.
30. Read the Newberry Medal books from the last 10 years.
31. Convince myself that I don’t like chocolate.
32. Actually print the pictures I take.
33. Give away things I don’t need any more.
34. Give away something I still use, but that someone can use more.
35. Live in such a way that people who just meet me think, “That woman is a Christian!”
36. Begin and end each day in prayer – and probably several times in between.
37. Tithe a true 10%. (I tip 20%, so why should I hold back from God?)
1. To have no specific plans on my birthday, but just enjoy the day as it comes.
2. Read the bible cover to cover.
3. Have a great year homeschooling the girls.
4. Adopt a baby (I really have no control over this, but it’s still a desire)
5. Run five 5K’s.
6. Sell this house and find a farmhouse.
7. Raise chickens at my new farmhouse.
8. Finish writing two more novels.
9. Sell the first novel to a publisher/find an agent.
10. Continue to grow in my faith.
11. Fight against the government and their plot to remove my parental rights.
12. Read at least one book a month.
13. Add posts to both my blogs at least once a week.
14. Maintain my current insulin usage.
15. Go to Stratford for the Shakespeare festival.
16. Travel to Notre Dame with my church group for a pilgrimage.
17. Take a bus/train to Chicago and visit a good friend – whom I miss dearly, even though I don’t call as often as I should!
18. Go to “Mexico”.
19. Attend my 20th high school reunion. Yikes!
20.Lead a bible study.
21. Celebrate my 12th Wedding anniversary.
22. Make a three-tiered cake – a fancy one.
23. Finish at least one family scrapbook. I’m several years behind.
24. Rejoice always!
25. Run around Mackinaw Island. (I’m not sure I even spelling that right, but luckily spelling isn’t necessary for running.)
26. Host a girls’ night out at my house.
27. Be content with what God has given me – not to look at His gifts as insufficient or undesirable.
28. Not use a credit card all year. Cash only.
29. Submit six short stories to Children’s magazines.
30. Read the Newberry Medal books from the last 10 years.
31. Convince myself that I don’t like chocolate.
32. Actually print the pictures I take.
33. Give away things I don’t need any more.
34. Give away something I still use, but that someone can use more.
35. Live in such a way that people who just meet me think, “That woman is a Christian!”
36. Begin and end each day in prayer – and probably several times in between.
37. Tithe a true 10%. (I tip 20%, so why should I hold back from God?)
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Psalm 139
Psalm 139
1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
If you have ever watched young children play, you've seen that they do so as if no one is watching. They are completely absorbed in their role-playing games. They mimic what they see from the adults around them, from television and movies they have seen, and from books.
My daughters are still young, but my oldest is nearing 10 years old. I've noticed recently that she still wants to play as freely as her younger sisters, but she stops her dancing or role-playing if I walk into the room. My presence prevents her from being herself, from acting like a child. She blushes and encourages me to leave and go back to what I was doing in the other room, as if playing with younger children is something to be ashamed. But for me, I want to see them acting like children, enjoying the unlimited boundaries of their imagination, reinacting stories and loving the fact that they have sisters who will always be a part of thier lives.
I imagine too, that God feels the same way about us. He knows what we are doing and thinking and feeling. He knew us in the womb and loved us even before we took our first breath. He must love watching us live; singing and dancing in the kitchen with our children, watching nature change with the seasons, spending time with friends. But the moment we think of Him, our behavior changes to one of reverence and restraint. I think that's sad. God created us and everything good that we enjoy comes from Him. I think God dances for joy when we are happy and follow His commandments. I have felt his presence peel back the covers under which I hide; I sense his understanding smile when He asks me, "Now what have you done that is so horrible that I wouldn't love you anymore?"
We would never abandon our children because they make mistakes, so why would God abandon us? Psalm 139 is that reminder. It celebrates the love God has for us, the knowledge He has for us, the way He searches our hearts and knows us beyond our own comprehension.
1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
If you have ever watched young children play, you've seen that they do so as if no one is watching. They are completely absorbed in their role-playing games. They mimic what they see from the adults around them, from television and movies they have seen, and from books.
My daughters are still young, but my oldest is nearing 10 years old. I've noticed recently that she still wants to play as freely as her younger sisters, but she stops her dancing or role-playing if I walk into the room. My presence prevents her from being herself, from acting like a child. She blushes and encourages me to leave and go back to what I was doing in the other room, as if playing with younger children is something to be ashamed. But for me, I want to see them acting like children, enjoying the unlimited boundaries of their imagination, reinacting stories and loving the fact that they have sisters who will always be a part of thier lives.
I imagine too, that God feels the same way about us. He knows what we are doing and thinking and feeling. He knew us in the womb and loved us even before we took our first breath. He must love watching us live; singing and dancing in the kitchen with our children, watching nature change with the seasons, spending time with friends. But the moment we think of Him, our behavior changes to one of reverence and restraint. I think that's sad. God created us and everything good that we enjoy comes from Him. I think God dances for joy when we are happy and follow His commandments. I have felt his presence peel back the covers under which I hide; I sense his understanding smile when He asks me, "Now what have you done that is so horrible that I wouldn't love you anymore?"
We would never abandon our children because they make mistakes, so why would God abandon us? Psalm 139 is that reminder. It celebrates the love God has for us, the knowledge He has for us, the way He searches our hearts and knows us beyond our own comprehension.
Calling All Jesus Freaks!
Last night our group posed the question, "Where are you in your relationship with Jesus? And what will you do before the Renewal Weekend to deepen that relationship?"
I'd never thought of it so clearly. My faith is a relationship with Jesus, but that seems so mystical. I've never met Jesus like I've met my friends. He doesn't physically sit next to me. I can't see him the way I see others around me. So why am I working so hard to build this relationship? Why do I crave His word?
The truth is, as soon as I opened my heart a little bit for Jesus, he pushed it all the way open and stepped in. And once I felt his presence, once I knew the strength of his forgiveness and love, I was hooked. For me, I accepted Jesus into my heart only recently. I knew of him before, I believed that he died for my sins, but that's as far as I went with it. Something happened between then and now to change the way I see him and perhaps the mystical aspect of my faith formation is me.
My relationship with Jesus has grown slowly. I'll admit that I tried really hard to not fall into this "Christian thing". I don't remember there being a magical moment or a great Ah-ha! revelation; it was simply going to church and listening to the scripture, hearing our priest match scripture to life. It was me taking the time to read the bible, to take that scary step and pray aloud in front of others. Jesus had a corner of my heart, and from there he put people in my life to show me the way, to share their story with me so that I might fully accept him. I began seeking out other Christians because I love seeing life through their eyes. Christians don't see pain and suffering as 'God has forgotten me' moments, but as obstacles leading us to God.
Where am I in my relationship with Jesus? When I realized that I wanted to fully walk with God in my faith, I was stunned by the simplicity of joy I felt. I assumed that when people accepted Christ into their hearts, it would be like Christmas - that big day of family and presents and food. Just one day of celebrating and then it's over and life come roaring back at you.
Boy, was I wrong! My devotion to Jesus is like spending an eternity in 'Christmas Day'. All the little gifts God provides are present each day. They may not come wrapped in red and green with a big gold bow on top, but they are just as wonderful. Accepting Jesus into my heart has made me happier, more calm, and peaceful. I feel more confident in myself because I have the strength of the Savior on my side. I know what is right and what is wrong and now I have the courage to do what is right. My relationship with Jesus is new and exciting and I'm thrilled that I can spend the rest of my life sharing His Good News with all those I meet. He may not sit next to me and drink a cup of coffee with me, but he is present in many other ways - ways that no one else can be.
Yes, I'm a Jesus freak and proud of it! Won't you join me?
I'd never thought of it so clearly. My faith is a relationship with Jesus, but that seems so mystical. I've never met Jesus like I've met my friends. He doesn't physically sit next to me. I can't see him the way I see others around me. So why am I working so hard to build this relationship? Why do I crave His word?
The truth is, as soon as I opened my heart a little bit for Jesus, he pushed it all the way open and stepped in. And once I felt his presence, once I knew the strength of his forgiveness and love, I was hooked. For me, I accepted Jesus into my heart only recently. I knew of him before, I believed that he died for my sins, but that's as far as I went with it. Something happened between then and now to change the way I see him and perhaps the mystical aspect of my faith formation is me.
My relationship with Jesus has grown slowly. I'll admit that I tried really hard to not fall into this "Christian thing". I don't remember there being a magical moment or a great Ah-ha! revelation; it was simply going to church and listening to the scripture, hearing our priest match scripture to life. It was me taking the time to read the bible, to take that scary step and pray aloud in front of others. Jesus had a corner of my heart, and from there he put people in my life to show me the way, to share their story with me so that I might fully accept him. I began seeking out other Christians because I love seeing life through their eyes. Christians don't see pain and suffering as 'God has forgotten me' moments, but as obstacles leading us to God.
Where am I in my relationship with Jesus? When I realized that I wanted to fully walk with God in my faith, I was stunned by the simplicity of joy I felt. I assumed that when people accepted Christ into their hearts, it would be like Christmas - that big day of family and presents and food. Just one day of celebrating and then it's over and life come roaring back at you.
Boy, was I wrong! My devotion to Jesus is like spending an eternity in 'Christmas Day'. All the little gifts God provides are present each day. They may not come wrapped in red and green with a big gold bow on top, but they are just as wonderful. Accepting Jesus into my heart has made me happier, more calm, and peaceful. I feel more confident in myself because I have the strength of the Savior on my side. I know what is right and what is wrong and now I have the courage to do what is right. My relationship with Jesus is new and exciting and I'm thrilled that I can spend the rest of my life sharing His Good News with all those I meet. He may not sit next to me and drink a cup of coffee with me, but he is present in many other ways - ways that no one else can be.
Yes, I'm a Jesus freak and proud of it! Won't you join me?
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Mirror Reflections
Is that me in the mirror?How did this happen?
Years ago, I imagined my life very differently. When I was in high school, I imagined I would marry some rich man and live in a big house and have a few kids, maybe shop for clothes once a week, vacation in Europe. You know, the dreams of the young.
But then I met the man I would marry and he didn’t come with a huge bank account. What he does have makes up for that in spades. When we were first married, I realized that I didn’t want just two children, but a whole house full – just because that would mean they would be our children.
Little by little, I’ve become the ultimate housewife and mom – and that doesn’t always feel like a good thing, I’ll be honest. Because of the small bank account, I bake our bread from scratch. It’s a six-hour-a-week-job, but it saves us just over $800 a year (that’s just in bread!). I home school my children because I can do it much better than the public schools can. I don’t go to work because the idea of someone else raising my children is too scary. I wear an apron while I bake and cook (It really just makes sense, it saves my clothes so there is less laundry). Of all the furniture in the house, we have only purchased a rocking chair and bunk beds – everything else was given to us or came with our current home.
I’ve had three children, the third one tipping the scales at 10 pounds, 4 ounces. That left a mark. Well, a few marks.
I can’t watch TV without cringing at the raunchy commercials or covering the eyes of my daughters when scary movies are advertised. So we don’t watch it anymore.
I read the labels of all foods. I don’t feed my children Mac-N-Cheese or food that comes from boxes, because…it’s in a box! How long can that last on a shelf and what’s in it that makes it last that long?
I say a prayer when I drive over a bridge, because my greatest fear as a mother is that my truck will careen out of control, we’ll crash into the river, and I will somehow need to escape the sinking vehicle and swim all my children to safety.
I’ve become the ultimate “What if…?” What if the stove ignites the kitchen and the house goes up in flames? How will I get the children out? What if the stranger at the door is a serial rapist? How will I fend him off? What if all these fears make me crazy and I’m committed and never see my children again?
See what I mean?
How did I become this danger-crazed, bread-baking, school-book wielding, mini-van driving, saggy-gut mother who is supposed to lead her children into adulthood through a positive example?
But I see that with all my flaws, with all my fears and everything I don’t have, I have it all. The good, the bad, and fresh baked bread.
So, on those days that never end, I hope you will toast a piece of bread, pour a cup of tea, and thank God for all our flaws, because they ultimately lead to joy!
Blessings to you all!
Years ago, I imagined my life very differently. When I was in high school, I imagined I would marry some rich man and live in a big house and have a few kids, maybe shop for clothes once a week, vacation in Europe. You know, the dreams of the young.
But then I met the man I would marry and he didn’t come with a huge bank account. What he does have makes up for that in spades. When we were first married, I realized that I didn’t want just two children, but a whole house full – just because that would mean they would be our children.
Little by little, I’ve become the ultimate housewife and mom – and that doesn’t always feel like a good thing, I’ll be honest. Because of the small bank account, I bake our bread from scratch. It’s a six-hour-a-week-job, but it saves us just over $800 a year (that’s just in bread!). I home school my children because I can do it much better than the public schools can. I don’t go to work because the idea of someone else raising my children is too scary. I wear an apron while I bake and cook (It really just makes sense, it saves my clothes so there is less laundry). Of all the furniture in the house, we have only purchased a rocking chair and bunk beds – everything else was given to us or came with our current home.
I’ve had three children, the third one tipping the scales at 10 pounds, 4 ounces. That left a mark. Well, a few marks.
I can’t watch TV without cringing at the raunchy commercials or covering the eyes of my daughters when scary movies are advertised. So we don’t watch it anymore.
I read the labels of all foods. I don’t feed my children Mac-N-Cheese or food that comes from boxes, because…it’s in a box! How long can that last on a shelf and what’s in it that makes it last that long?
I say a prayer when I drive over a bridge, because my greatest fear as a mother is that my truck will careen out of control, we’ll crash into the river, and I will somehow need to escape the sinking vehicle and swim all my children to safety.
I’ve become the ultimate “What if…?” What if the stove ignites the kitchen and the house goes up in flames? How will I get the children out? What if the stranger at the door is a serial rapist? How will I fend him off? What if all these fears make me crazy and I’m committed and never see my children again?
See what I mean?
How did I become this danger-crazed, bread-baking, school-book wielding, mini-van driving, saggy-gut mother who is supposed to lead her children into adulthood through a positive example?
But I see that with all my flaws, with all my fears and everything I don’t have, I have it all. The good, the bad, and fresh baked bread.
So, on those days that never end, I hope you will toast a piece of bread, pour a cup of tea, and thank God for all our flaws, because they ultimately lead to joy!
Blessings to you all!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Exercise in Scripture, Love
Today a friend from church read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
And then he read it again, this time replacing the word "love" and "it" with "I".
I am patient, I am kind. I do not envy, I do not boast, I am not proud. I am not rude, I am not self-seeking, I am not easily angered, I keep no record of wrongs. I do not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. I always protect, always trust, always hope, always persevere.
How true is that for you?
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
And then he read it again, this time replacing the word "love" and "it" with "I".
I am patient, I am kind. I do not envy, I do not boast, I am not proud. I am not rude, I am not self-seeking, I am not easily angered, I keep no record of wrongs. I do not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. I always protect, always trust, always hope, always persevere.
How true is that for you?
Friday, July 10, 2009
Clean Spots
I have three children. When they were younger, the gravitational forces were very strong in our house, pulling food, paper scraps from art projects, and often the children right to the ground. Everything fell. If a child fell, we would scoop her up, kiss her hurts, and go back to playing. But more often than not, the things that fell were sticky. Peanut butter sandwiches, milk, juice, paint, vomit, and anything else that oozes from a child.
Then God intervened.
After an intense day of cleaning floors, spill by spill, I saw my kitchen in a new light. Literally. The sun came through the window at such an angle that I could see several clean circles on the floor. Clean spots.
It reminded me of... me. I wasn't cleaning the whole room every time there was a spill. I was taking care of the mess at hand. There wasn't time to mop the entire room everytime a sippy cup lost its top. I cleaned the mess and went on with the day.
So, now you're wondering what this has to do with renewal in Christ? Good question!
Clean spots are the daily bible readings, the weekly visits to church, the prayers before meals. The basics.
Washing the whole floor is the commitment to Jesus we make when we attend or lead a bible study. It's the way we embrace a friend in need in prayer. It's tithing a true 10%. It's facing our non-believer friends and announcing the gospel without shame. It's calling Jesus a friend despite the possibility of exile.
So the question I ask is this...How clean is your house? If God came for a visit today and ran His white gloved finger across the mantle, what would He find?
We have wood floors in our kitchen and dining room. The spills, water and pee in particular, are hard to find until you step in it. Other times I saw the spill and cleaned it immediately.
After months cleaning the floors while one child was potty training and another just dripped everything, I was at my wits end.Then God intervened.
After an intense day of cleaning floors, spill by spill, I saw my kitchen in a new light. Literally. The sun came through the window at such an angle that I could see several clean circles on the floor. Clean spots.
It reminded me of... me. I wasn't cleaning the whole room every time there was a spill. I was taking care of the mess at hand. There wasn't time to mop the entire room everytime a sippy cup lost its top. I cleaned the mess and went on with the day.
So, now you're wondering what this has to do with renewal in Christ? Good question!
Clean spots are the daily bible readings, the weekly visits to church, the prayers before meals. The basics.
Washing the whole floor is the commitment to Jesus we make when we attend or lead a bible study. It's the way we embrace a friend in need in prayer. It's tithing a true 10%. It's facing our non-believer friends and announcing the gospel without shame. It's calling Jesus a friend despite the possibility of exile.
So the question I ask is this...How clean is your house? If God came for a visit today and ran His white gloved finger across the mantle, what would He find?
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
It happened again!
Funny thing - Christianity. Here we are -- the Catholics, the Baptists, the Protestants, Reformed, Bible, Lutheran, and non-denominational -- all reading the same book, all praising the same Messiah, all treating eachother like idiots!
My children are being raised Catholic. But in an effort to fill their lives with God's Word, we also send them to the neighborhood Baptist Church during the school year to attend the AWANA program (a fantastic bible-rich weekly program!). During the summer, they also attend this church's Vacation Bible School.
Last summer, the youth pastor invited the children to the back of the church for further explanation if any of them were not sure if they were going to heaven. Stated that way, I would have gone too, just to make sure that what I thought I needed to get into heaven was accurate. My oldest daughter raised her hand and followed a small group of girls to the back. I was invited to join them. A lovely lady led them in prayer - the Sinner's Prayer. It sounded familiar and my daughter smiled at me - the smile saying, "Oh! I know this. I am going to heaven!" I prayed the prayer with my daughter.
The next day, I was greeted with a hugs and congratulations. "Oh, I'm just so happy for you," one leader said.
"Thank you," I blushed. "What did I do?"
"You accepted Christ into your life yesterday! You've been saved!"
I was shocked into silence. I had accepted Christ into my life years ago. Wasn't that obvious? Wasn't I homeschooling my children and teaching them the bible and God's Word? Were my actions not screaming "CHRISTIAN!" I told this woman these things.
"But you prayed the sinner's prayer," she argued.
"Well, of course! Don't you make the choice every day to follow Jesus?" I asked.
"Yes."
"Then don't you pray that prayer every day?"
"Oh, Heavens no," she smiled. "You only have to accept Jesus once."
hmmmm.....
True. Once you accept Jesus, your life is changed. Once you feel his love, see the power of prayer, you are a different person. But that didn't completely transform me into the person I am now - and the person I am now is not fit to stand in the presence of Jesus. But the point the lovely lady and I see differently is the necessity of accepting Jesus daily.
Isn't accepting Christ into your life daily the same as choosing to read the bible daily?
Isn't accepting Christ into your life daily the same as following God's will each and every day?
Don't we continue to sin even after we accept Jesus as our Savior? Don't those sins need to be forgiven? That won't happen unless we ask. "Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." John 16:24
I ask for forgiveness, for while I count myself a Christian, I know that I am a sinner.
Those daily choices become more and more difficult as I become a stronger Christian.
My walk with Jesus did start with a huge event in one day, but the events leading up to that day took years. And the little choices I've made between then and now have been a like a roller coaster.
So this summer, my other daughter was confused by the pastor's words. She knew that Jesus was her Saviour, but was He her 'best friend'? She had never thought of it that way. We've read little stories from devotionals that describe Jesus as our King, our Saviour, our friend, our brother - but 'best' friend? She wanted to be sure. She wants, more than anything, to go to heaven. So she went to the back of the church.
I didn't want to go with her. I felt ashamed that she didn't know for sure that she had accepted Christ. I looked around for 'that lady' and saw that it was someone else. If I went back there, would I say the prayer again and possibly face the same 'congrats' the next day? I didn't like feeling worried about joining my daughter in prayer. I went. I prayed. And I tried really hard not to roll my eyes when someone asked me if that was the first time I had accepted Jesus.
For today, my walk with Jesus included keeping my mouth shut. Jesus knows my heart and that should be sufficient for me.
But the divisions between Christians saddens me. We all love Jesus. Why should there be so many hairs to split? Doesn't Jesus say that 'a house divided against itself can not stand?'
"If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand." Mark 3:24-25
My children are being raised Catholic. But in an effort to fill their lives with God's Word, we also send them to the neighborhood Baptist Church during the school year to attend the AWANA program (a fantastic bible-rich weekly program!). During the summer, they also attend this church's Vacation Bible School.
Last summer, the youth pastor invited the children to the back of the church for further explanation if any of them were not sure if they were going to heaven. Stated that way, I would have gone too, just to make sure that what I thought I needed to get into heaven was accurate. My oldest daughter raised her hand and followed a small group of girls to the back. I was invited to join them. A lovely lady led them in prayer - the Sinner's Prayer. It sounded familiar and my daughter smiled at me - the smile saying, "Oh! I know this. I am going to heaven!" I prayed the prayer with my daughter.
The next day, I was greeted with a hugs and congratulations. "Oh, I'm just so happy for you," one leader said.
"Thank you," I blushed. "What did I do?"
"You accepted Christ into your life yesterday! You've been saved!"
I was shocked into silence. I had accepted Christ into my life years ago. Wasn't that obvious? Wasn't I homeschooling my children and teaching them the bible and God's Word? Were my actions not screaming "CHRISTIAN!" I told this woman these things.
"But you prayed the sinner's prayer," she argued.
"Well, of course! Don't you make the choice every day to follow Jesus?" I asked.
"Yes."
"Then don't you pray that prayer every day?"
"Oh, Heavens no," she smiled. "You only have to accept Jesus once."
hmmmm.....
True. Once you accept Jesus, your life is changed. Once you feel his love, see the power of prayer, you are a different person. But that didn't completely transform me into the person I am now - and the person I am now is not fit to stand in the presence of Jesus. But the point the lovely lady and I see differently is the necessity of accepting Jesus daily.
Isn't accepting Christ into your life daily the same as choosing to read the bible daily?
Isn't accepting Christ into your life daily the same as following God's will each and every day?
Don't we continue to sin even after we accept Jesus as our Savior? Don't those sins need to be forgiven? That won't happen unless we ask. "Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." John 16:24
I ask for forgiveness, for while I count myself a Christian, I know that I am a sinner.
Those daily choices become more and more difficult as I become a stronger Christian.
My walk with Jesus did start with a huge event in one day, but the events leading up to that day took years. And the little choices I've made between then and now have been a like a roller coaster.
So this summer, my other daughter was confused by the pastor's words. She knew that Jesus was her Saviour, but was He her 'best friend'? She had never thought of it that way. We've read little stories from devotionals that describe Jesus as our King, our Saviour, our friend, our brother - but 'best' friend? She wanted to be sure. She wants, more than anything, to go to heaven. So she went to the back of the church.
I didn't want to go with her. I felt ashamed that she didn't know for sure that she had accepted Christ. I looked around for 'that lady' and saw that it was someone else. If I went back there, would I say the prayer again and possibly face the same 'congrats' the next day? I didn't like feeling worried about joining my daughter in prayer. I went. I prayed. And I tried really hard not to roll my eyes when someone asked me if that was the first time I had accepted Jesus.
For today, my walk with Jesus included keeping my mouth shut. Jesus knows my heart and that should be sufficient for me.
But the divisions between Christians saddens me. We all love Jesus. Why should there be so many hairs to split? Doesn't Jesus say that 'a house divided against itself can not stand?'
"If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand." Mark 3:24-25
Planning vs. Plans
It's a fine line...the desire to plan a great weekend retreat or spend time planning all the great little details. The handbook specifically tells us to not focus our energies on the planning yet, but to plan on renewing our bond, our dedication to Jesus, our efforts in becoming the women we were meant to be.
And that holds true for all things in life. I can see the days when I'm too concerned with the planning of the day, the To-Do list, that I don't take the time to see what God has set before me. If the house needs cleaning, if there are too many errands to run, I miss the sunrises and sunsets. If I don't take the time to listen to my children, if I forget to slow down and take a deep breath and pray, I miss the little bits of memories that would make me rich. The more I run around town trying to 'do it all', the less time I spend on my knees.
Our group, under the encouragement of our Lay Director, has decided to read the bible daily - together. The CRHP handbook tells us that daily scripture reading is very important, that God's Word is the key to unlocking our minds and opening up our hearts. The Catholic Church has the awesome 3-year reading plan - the daily readings for the bible are set out for the global church. If you do all the readings, you will have read the entire bible in three years.
We knew, as a group, that we wanted to read an entire book of the bible together as opposed to the thematic sections from several different books of the bible that the church has laid out in its daily readings. One of our members suggested starting with Paul's letters, stating that because he was a persecutor of Christians turned evangelist, his writing would be perfect for us. So here we go! Starting with Romans, we are reading three chapters a day.
The daily reading is the plan. The intention with which we read is our duty. The conversation we glean with God from the readings is the reward.
My dad always said, “Plans are nothing, but planning is everything.” That took a while to sink in, but when it did, the light went on, the picture became clear, and my life transformed from a series of failures to a trail of successes. The act of planning, of making goals and working toward them is more important than the plan itself. If I plan on running a marathon and work out a schedule to train for it – that’s planning. But if the plan fails, if I don’t finish first – or don’t finish at all – the plan failed. But the planning allows for other alternatives. I’m stronger now for having trained. I’ve adapted a rigorous schedule into my life and I’m more focused. I might not have a medal to hang around my neck, but I have the satisfaction of knowing that I did something to better myself.
That’s what this renewal process is – a marathon. I’m pacing myself to be a good runner each day, to follow my trainer’s advice, to eat well and sleep well. If I fail at the little things, I can pick myself up, check one off on the “I-learned-that-the-hard-way” list, and move forward. I’m planning on being accepted into heaven. Whatever God has planned for me between now and then is entirely up to him. There is no turning back now.
The following website lists the Catholic Daily Readings.
http://www.ourcatholicfaith.org/frames/readings.html
Did you know that if you went to any Catholic Church anywhere in the world, the readings would be the same? Isn’t that amazing? We talk about becoming global, sharing across boundaries – and here the Catholic Church is already doing that. I find great comfort in the fact that if my family is out of town, we can go to the nearest Catholic Church and hear the same readings we would at our home parish.
And that holds true for all things in life. I can see the days when I'm too concerned with the planning of the day, the To-Do list, that I don't take the time to see what God has set before me. If the house needs cleaning, if there are too many errands to run, I miss the sunrises and sunsets. If I don't take the time to listen to my children, if I forget to slow down and take a deep breath and pray, I miss the little bits of memories that would make me rich. The more I run around town trying to 'do it all', the less time I spend on my knees.
Our group, under the encouragement of our Lay Director, has decided to read the bible daily - together. The CRHP handbook tells us that daily scripture reading is very important, that God's Word is the key to unlocking our minds and opening up our hearts. The Catholic Church has the awesome 3-year reading plan - the daily readings for the bible are set out for the global church. If you do all the readings, you will have read the entire bible in three years.
We knew, as a group, that we wanted to read an entire book of the bible together as opposed to the thematic sections from several different books of the bible that the church has laid out in its daily readings. One of our members suggested starting with Paul's letters, stating that because he was a persecutor of Christians turned evangelist, his writing would be perfect for us. So here we go! Starting with Romans, we are reading three chapters a day.
The daily reading is the plan. The intention with which we read is our duty. The conversation we glean with God from the readings is the reward.
My dad always said, “Plans are nothing, but planning is everything.” That took a while to sink in, but when it did, the light went on, the picture became clear, and my life transformed from a series of failures to a trail of successes. The act of planning, of making goals and working toward them is more important than the plan itself. If I plan on running a marathon and work out a schedule to train for it – that’s planning. But if the plan fails, if I don’t finish first – or don’t finish at all – the plan failed. But the planning allows for other alternatives. I’m stronger now for having trained. I’ve adapted a rigorous schedule into my life and I’m more focused. I might not have a medal to hang around my neck, but I have the satisfaction of knowing that I did something to better myself.
That’s what this renewal process is – a marathon. I’m pacing myself to be a good runner each day, to follow my trainer’s advice, to eat well and sleep well. If I fail at the little things, I can pick myself up, check one off on the “I-learned-that-the-hard-way” list, and move forward. I’m planning on being accepted into heaven. Whatever God has planned for me between now and then is entirely up to him. There is no turning back now.
The following website lists the Catholic Daily Readings.
http://www.ourcatholicfaith.org/frames/readings.html
Did you know that if you went to any Catholic Church anywhere in the world, the readings would be the same? Isn’t that amazing? We talk about becoming global, sharing across boundaries – and here the Catholic Church is already doing that. I find great comfort in the fact that if my family is out of town, we can go to the nearest Catholic Church and hear the same readings we would at our home parish.
Renewal vs. Planning
It's a fine line...the desire to plan a great weekend retreat or spend time planning all the great little details. The handbook specifically tells us to not focus our energies on the planning yet, but to plan on renewing our bond, our dedication to Jesus, our efforts in becoming the women we were meant to be.
And that holds true for all things in life. I can see the days when I'm too concerned with the planning of the day, the To-Do list, that I don't take the time to see what God has set before me. If the house needs cleaning, if there are too many errands to run, I miss the sunrises and sunsets. I don't take the time to listen to my children. I forget to slow down, take a deep breath and pray. The more I run around town trying to 'do it all', the less time I spend on my knees.
Our group, under the encouragement of our Lay Director, has decided to read the bible daily - together. The CRHP handbook tells us that daily scripture reading is very important, that God's Word is the key to unlocking our minds and opening up our hearts. The Catholic Church has the awesome 3-year reading plan - the daily readings for the bible are set out for the global church. If you do all the readings, you will have read the entire bible in three years.
We knew, as a group, that we wanted to reading an entire book of the bible together as opposed to the thematic bits and pieces that the church has laid out in it's daily readings. One of our members suggested starting with Paul's letters, stating that because he was a persecuter of Christians turned evangelist, his writing would be perfect for us. So here we go! Starting with Romans, we are reading three chapters a day.
And that holds true for all things in life. I can see the days when I'm too concerned with the planning of the day, the To-Do list, that I don't take the time to see what God has set before me. If the house needs cleaning, if there are too many errands to run, I miss the sunrises and sunsets. I don't take the time to listen to my children. I forget to slow down, take a deep breath and pray. The more I run around town trying to 'do it all', the less time I spend on my knees.
Our group, under the encouragement of our Lay Director, has decided to read the bible daily - together. The CRHP handbook tells us that daily scripture reading is very important, that God's Word is the key to unlocking our minds and opening up our hearts. The Catholic Church has the awesome 3-year reading plan - the daily readings for the bible are set out for the global church. If you do all the readings, you will have read the entire bible in three years.
We knew, as a group, that we wanted to reading an entire book of the bible together as opposed to the thematic bits and pieces that the church has laid out in it's daily readings. One of our members suggested starting with Paul's letters, stating that because he was a persecuter of Christians turned evangelist, his writing would be perfect for us. So here we go! Starting with Romans, we are reading three chapters a day.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Harry Potter and the Misguided Mother
Recently my daughter brought her Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix to our homeschool group enrichment day for show-and-tell. Who knew it would cause such a stir.A mom I have a good relationship with was stunned to silence when she saw the book. All morning she struggled to find the right words to let me know how she felt about my daughter bringing Harry Potter to show-and-tell. When I asked her what was troubling her, she paused and told me, “I teach my daughter the difference between good and evil. I teach my daughter that there is no grey area. Only God and Satan.” She went on to say that Harry Potter books are not something she would ever allow her daughter to read because they have things in them that are so purely wrong.
And that’s where my ears stopped listening. I was stunned and hurt and angry. I felt as thought this mother was telling me that I had handed my child a book on “how to become Satan’s friend” and we would both be condemned to an eternity in Hell. I felt belittled and stupid. What did she think my daughter was going to do during Show and Tell? Madeline didn’t read any part of the book, nor did she try to convince the other kids that magic is real.
Does this mother know that Harry Potter is a fantasy? Fantasy books are not real. Madeline knows that, too. So why are people so afraid of Harry? What has he done to offend so many?
And as for the ‘grey area’? Don’t we live in the grey? God is white. Satan is black. We are neither perfectly good, nor perfectly evil. That’s grey. It’s where we are. And don’t books provide a road map? Can’t we learn through the characters of a book how to navigate through life?
Then I mistakenly tried to defend my reasons for allowing Madeline to read these books. I was caught off-guard by my perception of her accusations. Was she telling me that I was a bad mother? Was I condemning my child to a life of sin by allowing her to read these books?
And more importantly, why did she feel the need to say anything at all? Madeline wasn’t offering to loan the books out. She didn’t try to convince her classmates that Harry was real and that we were heading to Olivander’s to buy her own wand. What purpose did her comments serve?
And then…retribution. As the students lined up to leave for their next class, one of the girls dropped a handful of tiny paper scraps. Madeline saw the distress on the girl’s face and immediately left her place in line to help. This girl has shown no signs of friendship to Madeline (a point she has worried about in the past), but that didn’t stop her from helping. I noticed this and encouraged the other students to help too, stating that it would be a great model of Christian Stewardship to help a friend in need.
No one helped.
Even after the other moms told their kids to get out of line and assist in the clean-up, the children only did so after sighing and rolling their eyes. After class, I asked Madeline why she helped. She told me, “That’s what friends do.”
“And where did you learn that?” I asked.
Her answer was the most satisfying reply. She told me that she was learning how to be a good friend from the books she was reading. Laura Ingalls Wilder had many run-ins with other children. Judy Blume’s characters handled problems in funny ways, but Madeline sees how people react and has internalized that information for her own real-life situations. She also mentioned the friendship between Harry, Ron and Hermione. She said they always stick together, even when other kids make fun of them. They fight, but they always forgive each other.
Did you hear that? My daughter learned from a fantasy book. She learned that people need people and friends need help even if you lose your place in line. She is reading the problems characters have and learning the lessons for herself. Wouldn’t life be easier if we could learn those painful lessons before they actually hurt us? That’s what reading fiction (and, yes, fantasy too) can do for us.
And so, I need to take a page from my daughter’s book. I forgive my friend for accusing me of giving my daughter evil literature. I hope she forgives me for bearing a grudge against her for making me feel like a horrible mother. And I thank all the authors who write stories, real or imagined, that I have read and will read, that my daughters have read and will discover, for giving us the opportunity to live and learn about people and conflict through the safety of the written word.
And that’s where my ears stopped listening. I was stunned and hurt and angry. I felt as thought this mother was telling me that I had handed my child a book on “how to become Satan’s friend” and we would both be condemned to an eternity in Hell. I felt belittled and stupid. What did she think my daughter was going to do during Show and Tell? Madeline didn’t read any part of the book, nor did she try to convince the other kids that magic is real.
Does this mother know that Harry Potter is a fantasy? Fantasy books are not real. Madeline knows that, too. So why are people so afraid of Harry? What has he done to offend so many?
And as for the ‘grey area’? Don’t we live in the grey? God is white. Satan is black. We are neither perfectly good, nor perfectly evil. That’s grey. It’s where we are. And don’t books provide a road map? Can’t we learn through the characters of a book how to navigate through life?
Then I mistakenly tried to defend my reasons for allowing Madeline to read these books. I was caught off-guard by my perception of her accusations. Was she telling me that I was a bad mother? Was I condemning my child to a life of sin by allowing her to read these books?
And more importantly, why did she feel the need to say anything at all? Madeline wasn’t offering to loan the books out. She didn’t try to convince her classmates that Harry was real and that we were heading to Olivander’s to buy her own wand. What purpose did her comments serve?
And then…retribution. As the students lined up to leave for their next class, one of the girls dropped a handful of tiny paper scraps. Madeline saw the distress on the girl’s face and immediately left her place in line to help. This girl has shown no signs of friendship to Madeline (a point she has worried about in the past), but that didn’t stop her from helping. I noticed this and encouraged the other students to help too, stating that it would be a great model of Christian Stewardship to help a friend in need.
No one helped.
Even after the other moms told their kids to get out of line and assist in the clean-up, the children only did so after sighing and rolling their eyes. After class, I asked Madeline why she helped. She told me, “That’s what friends do.”
“And where did you learn that?” I asked.
Her answer was the most satisfying reply. She told me that she was learning how to be a good friend from the books she was reading. Laura Ingalls Wilder had many run-ins with other children. Judy Blume’s characters handled problems in funny ways, but Madeline sees how people react and has internalized that information for her own real-life situations. She also mentioned the friendship between Harry, Ron and Hermione. She said they always stick together, even when other kids make fun of them. They fight, but they always forgive each other.
Did you hear that? My daughter learned from a fantasy book. She learned that people need people and friends need help even if you lose your place in line. She is reading the problems characters have and learning the lessons for herself. Wouldn’t life be easier if we could learn those painful lessons before they actually hurt us? That’s what reading fiction (and, yes, fantasy too) can do for us.
And so, I need to take a page from my daughter’s book. I forgive my friend for accusing me of giving my daughter evil literature. I hope she forgives me for bearing a grudge against her for making me feel like a horrible mother. And I thank all the authors who write stories, real or imagined, that I have read and will read, that my daughters have read and will discover, for giving us the opportunity to live and learn about people and conflict through the safety of the written word.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Evangelizing
"Evangelize" is a scary word for Catholics. The image that comes to my mind is the person on the street corner shouting out verses, or the door-to-door Christian who comes to see if you've 'been saved'. Not my style. Not my comfort zone.
But there are other ways to reach others with the Word. The priest at my parish, Father Mike, gave a wonderful homily on this topic last Sunday. He said that we can do more evanglizing through our behaviors than our words. Makes sense, doesn't it? How often do we hear that "actions speak louder than words"?
Father Mike encouraged us all to strengthed our own faith by becoming more visual with the traditions of the Catholic faith, beginning with weekly (preferrably daily) attendance at Mass. Prayer before meals. Offering prayer for those in need. Sending notes to those who are suffering with scripture in addition to our own prayers. Praying the rosary. Reading the bible. Praying novenas. And doing all these things in public.
As Catholics, we are used to keeping our beautiful traditions within the walls of the church. But in doing so, we are depriving our Christian brethren from witnessing the actions of the faithful. In keeping our faith hidden, we have allowed the Catholic faith to become a mystery; and now countless misinterpretations are floating around, bending the minds of non-Catholics to think we are pagans.
So I encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ to become evangelists. Take your rosaries outside and pray them under the shade of a tree. Bring your bible to work are read while you eat lunch. When someone asks you to pray for them, don't say, "I will." Take their hands and pray over them right then and there. Become more involved in church. Take a step towards the edge of your comfort zone, and then one more. Share the Word of God through your actions, your deeds, your faith, and your speech.
"...he said, 'I must preach the good news of the kingdom of God to the other towns also, because that is why I was sent.'" Luke 4:43
Jesus came to us to teach us the good news of the Lord. We do this because our example will inspire others. Because we've been asked to do this.
"He said to them, 'Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.'" Mark 16:15
But there are other ways to reach others with the Word. The priest at my parish, Father Mike, gave a wonderful homily on this topic last Sunday. He said that we can do more evanglizing through our behaviors than our words. Makes sense, doesn't it? How often do we hear that "actions speak louder than words"?
Father Mike encouraged us all to strengthed our own faith by becoming more visual with the traditions of the Catholic faith, beginning with weekly (preferrably daily) attendance at Mass. Prayer before meals. Offering prayer for those in need. Sending notes to those who are suffering with scripture in addition to our own prayers. Praying the rosary. Reading the bible. Praying novenas. And doing all these things in public.
As Catholics, we are used to keeping our beautiful traditions within the walls of the church. But in doing so, we are depriving our Christian brethren from witnessing the actions of the faithful. In keeping our faith hidden, we have allowed the Catholic faith to become a mystery; and now countless misinterpretations are floating around, bending the minds of non-Catholics to think we are pagans.
So I encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ to become evangelists. Take your rosaries outside and pray them under the shade of a tree. Bring your bible to work are read while you eat lunch. When someone asks you to pray for them, don't say, "I will." Take their hands and pray over them right then and there. Become more involved in church. Take a step towards the edge of your comfort zone, and then one more. Share the Word of God through your actions, your deeds, your faith, and your speech.
"...he said, 'I must preach the good news of the kingdom of God to the other towns also, because that is why I was sent.'" Luke 4:43
Jesus came to us to teach us the good news of the Lord. We do this because our example will inspire others. Because we've been asked to do this.
"He said to them, 'Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.'" Mark 16:15
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Wineskins & Meditations
I have to be careful when I'm reading the Christ Renews His Parish handbook. It's actually very good. And I believe the people who wrote it knew that because it mentions several times that the reading of the handbook shouldn't overshadow reading the bible.
The handbook carefully ties together bible readings and the application of our roles in this renewal process. Today I read, "Reflection allows us to integrate our new experience and our previous knowledge." The more I think about that statement, the more I say to myself, "Well, of course!" It makes perfect sense for us to reflect on God's presence in our lives. He encouraged us all to attend the CRHP Weekend Retreat. But now what?
Perhaps you attended the weekend, but didn't take the step to join the next team. What else can you do for your God? Jesus called his disciples to leave everything behind and come follow him. If not through the CRHP program, what other way? Can you be a Eucharistic Minister? Can you attend one weekday Mass? Can you volunteer as an usher?
And for those of us who did accept this invitation to be part of the Renewal Team, how can we grow?
The handbook made a wonderful comparison - I'll paraphrase.
The parable of the old wine skin - you can't add new wine to old wine skins because the new wine will destroy the old skin. But according to the CRHP handbook, that "warning can be wrongly applied." Jesus does not ask us to throw away our old wine, because it is the wine of the new covenant. But we are asked to "check our wine cellars". If any of our wine is bad, it's because we did not drink it in time, so throw it out! There will also be some wine that was never good in the first place, so why are we hanging onto it? If the wine is ripe for drinking - open it up and share it with friends. Don't hoard your good wine!
So...how can I apply this to my life? I'm going to reflect on my "wine". We all have our past - our wine cellars - that are filled with bottle and bottle of choices, actions, and events that we can either hide or share. Today, I'm going to throw away my wine bottles of addictions. I will open a fine bottle of Merlot (no analogy here, I will actuall enjoy a glass of wine today!) with friends and celebrate the dusting of my wine cellar.
My new wine, my growth in faith, will not destroy my wine skins. I'll not throw the old skins out - just the wine they contained. The old skins will remind me of the mistakes I've made and the beauty of forgiveness. Our God is a powerful God. His love for us never ends. All we need to do is ask.
John 16:24 "Until now you have not asked anything in my name; ask and you will recieve, so that your joy may be complete." That is the assurance of answered prayer.
Meditate on that.
The handbook carefully ties together bible readings and the application of our roles in this renewal process. Today I read, "Reflection allows us to integrate our new experience and our previous knowledge." The more I think about that statement, the more I say to myself, "Well, of course!" It makes perfect sense for us to reflect on God's presence in our lives. He encouraged us all to attend the CRHP Weekend Retreat. But now what?
Perhaps you attended the weekend, but didn't take the step to join the next team. What else can you do for your God? Jesus called his disciples to leave everything behind and come follow him. If not through the CRHP program, what other way? Can you be a Eucharistic Minister? Can you attend one weekday Mass? Can you volunteer as an usher?
And for those of us who did accept this invitation to be part of the Renewal Team, how can we grow?
The handbook made a wonderful comparison - I'll paraphrase.
The parable of the old wine skin - you can't add new wine to old wine skins because the new wine will destroy the old skin. But according to the CRHP handbook, that "warning can be wrongly applied." Jesus does not ask us to throw away our old wine, because it is the wine of the new covenant. But we are asked to "check our wine cellars". If any of our wine is bad, it's because we did not drink it in time, so throw it out! There will also be some wine that was never good in the first place, so why are we hanging onto it? If the wine is ripe for drinking - open it up and share it with friends. Don't hoard your good wine!
So...how can I apply this to my life? I'm going to reflect on my "wine". We all have our past - our wine cellars - that are filled with bottle and bottle of choices, actions, and events that we can either hide or share. Today, I'm going to throw away my wine bottles of addictions. I will open a fine bottle of Merlot (no analogy here, I will actuall enjoy a glass of wine today!) with friends and celebrate the dusting of my wine cellar.
My new wine, my growth in faith, will not destroy my wine skins. I'll not throw the old skins out - just the wine they contained. The old skins will remind me of the mistakes I've made and the beauty of forgiveness. Our God is a powerful God. His love for us never ends. All we need to do is ask.
John 16:24 "Until now you have not asked anything in my name; ask and you will recieve, so that your joy may be complete." That is the assurance of answered prayer.
Meditate on that.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
"Come and Follow Me"
To use a biblical parallel, my boat was empty. I had been searching for a means to fill it, fishing in waters void of life. I began to search for answers, knowing I would find them in scripture, in other Godly people. Then, through the Christ Renews His Parish Retreat, Jesus told me, “Cast your nets here.” And sure enough, my nets were full to ripping. The harvest I reaped was beyond my expectations.
But it was just the beginning.
Then Jesus told me, “Leave behind your things and come follow me.”
I don’t consider myself a very materialist person, I don’t hoard many things (yes, I realize I wrote “many”, which means that I do), and I do consider myself a Christian. But the call came to me to do more. “Leave behind your things.”
What things? I asked him.
“The things that are keeping you from me. The things that consume the times I want you to spend with me. The things that prevent you from knowing my Word well enough; others could come to me through you if only you read the words I left behind for you. Leave all these things behind, Come follow me.”
And so I’m trying. I took a leave of absence from the Junior League; a well-known women’s volunteer organization that has helped me become comfortable speaking before crowds, helped me understand the organization of a non-profit, and witness the necessity of a Godly mindset necessary within groups outside of the church. I can use those skills to further God’s plans for me.
I took a good look at the things that were keeping me from spending time with God’s Word, keeping me from quiet, focused prayer. I cancelled our cable TV service. Without the distraction of programming (that really just makes me dumb), I have much more time for God. I wake an hour earlier to read my bible and to write.
But like the Cat in the Hat, “I can hold up the fish! And a little toy ship! And some milk on a dish!” I’m going to “come down with a bump from up there on the ball” and thus accomplish nothing for God. So I’m still looking for things that are against God to cast them out of my life. I pledge my life to God and his will.
I believe part of following Jesus is being actively involved in the planning and formation of the next Christ Renews His Parish Retreat. It’s a weekly commitment for several months, but hardly a waste of time. Through scripture, prayer and fellowship, the formation process is designed to break down the barriers between ourselves and God. Like Peter, I don’t expect to follow Jesus on a perfect path, there will be stumbling points, but like Peter, I know Jesus will pick me up and love me regardless.
But it was just the beginning.
Then Jesus told me, “Leave behind your things and come follow me.”
I don’t consider myself a very materialist person, I don’t hoard many things (yes, I realize I wrote “many”, which means that I do), and I do consider myself a Christian. But the call came to me to do more. “Leave behind your things.”
What things? I asked him.
“The things that are keeping you from me. The things that consume the times I want you to spend with me. The things that prevent you from knowing my Word well enough; others could come to me through you if only you read the words I left behind for you. Leave all these things behind, Come follow me.”
And so I’m trying. I took a leave of absence from the Junior League; a well-known women’s volunteer organization that has helped me become comfortable speaking before crowds, helped me understand the organization of a non-profit, and witness the necessity of a Godly mindset necessary within groups outside of the church. I can use those skills to further God’s plans for me.
I took a good look at the things that were keeping me from spending time with God’s Word, keeping me from quiet, focused prayer. I cancelled our cable TV service. Without the distraction of programming (that really just makes me dumb), I have much more time for God. I wake an hour earlier to read my bible and to write.
But like the Cat in the Hat, “I can hold up the fish! And a little toy ship! And some milk on a dish!” I’m going to “come down with a bump from up there on the ball” and thus accomplish nothing for God. So I’m still looking for things that are against God to cast them out of my life. I pledge my life to God and his will.
I believe part of following Jesus is being actively involved in the planning and formation of the next Christ Renews His Parish Retreat. It’s a weekly commitment for several months, but hardly a waste of time. Through scripture, prayer and fellowship, the formation process is designed to break down the barriers between ourselves and God. Like Peter, I don’t expect to follow Jesus on a perfect path, there will be stumbling points, but like Peter, I know Jesus will pick me up and love me regardless.
CRHP - Christ Renews His Parish
A few months ago, I attended a retreat at my parish. I went into it not knowing anything about the purpose of the retreat, who would be there, why I would need such a retreat… In fact, the more I think about it, I’m not sure if there was any piece of myself that desired to go; not that I was opposed to attending (the idea of a weekend away from home with other like-minded women always sounds wonderful) but I never gave it much thought. I signed up and knew I would go. I didn't spend time in prayer in preparation. I just knew that I was going.
It occured to me as I pulled into the parking lot that I didn’t know anyone who would be there. Never before have I put myself in that situation. I always like to know at least one person, but as I drove to the retreat, I felt no fear. Then I prayed, "Well, God, I think you're the one who brought me here. Can you also send someone I know, or at least recognize from my church?" Before I turned the car off, two women pulled into parking spaces on either side of me; both familiar and both from my church. Thank you, God!
Christ Renews His Parish is a Catholic curriculum designed to enrich, encourage and “shine up” the faith of the men and women of the church. With an overnight stay right in the parish hall, all your meals together, and the Bible and God’s love as the centerpiece, the CRHP weekend allowed me to see all the layers we put up around ourselves to protect us from society and our own fears. Slowly throughout the weekend, I was able to peel those back. It hurt, like ripping a band-aid off your arm hurts, but once it’s off, the wound doesn’t look so bad. Medicine can be applied and healing can begin again. Scars? Sure, but I realize now that the scar is a reminder of where I’ve come from, a mark of a lesson learned, and a reminder that although our bodies are in God’s image, our choices can mar our appearance. But God is a loving God. He forgives all those who ask for forgiveness. And through retreats like CRHP, he offers a helping hand to pull us off the floor, he dusts us off, and loves us enough to let us try again.
I remember learning to ride my bike. I was so afraid of falling, of skinning my knees, that I almost didn’t learn. But my dad was right there. He held onto my seat until he could feel my balance growing. When he let go, he still ran next to me. When he stopped running, his watchful eye still followed my path. When I fell, he was right there to pick me up, dust me off, and help me start again.
That’s what this feels like; the band-aids are off, ointment has been applied, and I’ve been dusted off for another go - and now I have a prayerful team of sisters surrounding me. Christ Renews His Parish. Yes He does!
It occured to me as I pulled into the parking lot that I didn’t know anyone who would be there. Never before have I put myself in that situation. I always like to know at least one person, but as I drove to the retreat, I felt no fear. Then I prayed, "Well, God, I think you're the one who brought me here. Can you also send someone I know, or at least recognize from my church?" Before I turned the car off, two women pulled into parking spaces on either side of me; both familiar and both from my church. Thank you, God!
Christ Renews His Parish is a Catholic curriculum designed to enrich, encourage and “shine up” the faith of the men and women of the church. With an overnight stay right in the parish hall, all your meals together, and the Bible and God’s love as the centerpiece, the CRHP weekend allowed me to see all the layers we put up around ourselves to protect us from society and our own fears. Slowly throughout the weekend, I was able to peel those back. It hurt, like ripping a band-aid off your arm hurts, but once it’s off, the wound doesn’t look so bad. Medicine can be applied and healing can begin again. Scars? Sure, but I realize now that the scar is a reminder of where I’ve come from, a mark of a lesson learned, and a reminder that although our bodies are in God’s image, our choices can mar our appearance. But God is a loving God. He forgives all those who ask for forgiveness. And through retreats like CRHP, he offers a helping hand to pull us off the floor, he dusts us off, and loves us enough to let us try again.
I remember learning to ride my bike. I was so afraid of falling, of skinning my knees, that I almost didn’t learn. But my dad was right there. He held onto my seat until he could feel my balance growing. When he let go, he still ran next to me. When he stopped running, his watchful eye still followed my path. When I fell, he was right there to pick me up, dust me off, and help me start again.
That’s what this feels like; the band-aids are off, ointment has been applied, and I’ve been dusted off for another go - and now I have a prayerful team of sisters surrounding me. Christ Renews His Parish. Yes He does!
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