It’s nearly official…Bill and I are going to be foster parents! There is a story here about listening to God, following His will, and altering the course of those plans. Bear with me.
After my second daughter was born, my doctor suggested I not have more children. I am diabetic (type 1) and pregnancy is very hard on my body. But, me being me, I didn’t listen. After delivering my third daughter (who weighed in at 10 lbs. 4 oz.) my doctor said, “Really, Jessica. Another baby might be your death.”
Even I can’t ignore that.
For a few years, I was content with three children. I’m blessed to have children, blessed to have healthy children, and further blessed to have the opportunity to homeschool them. But I always thought I would have more children. Five was the magic number for my husband and I. Five children, a house full of noise and toys and boys. What do I have? Neat little girls and giggling noises. I prayed to God, asking Him to take away the desire for more children. I figured that I shouldn’t feel that need if there was nothing I could do to have more children.
God spoke. Loudly! Later, when I turned on the TV, the very first thing was a commercial about adoption – a commercial I had never seen before, or since.
Yes, Lord. I’m listening!
I shared this with my husband and after much prayer, we decided that we needed to follow God’s plan for us. As we discussed this, the desire for more children grew stronger, but not a need for biological children, but for an adopted child; not a child of my flesh, but a child of my heart. I realized that I had prayed the wrong prayer – He didn’t take away my desire at all. He just presented a solution.
As we began the adoption process, I learned that our name doesn’t go on a list and when we are at the top of that list, we receive a child. Now, a vast majority of all adoptions are Open Adoptions – agreements in which the birth mother selects the family for her child, has options to remain in contact with that family, and receive monthly or annual letters and photos from the family.
No problem! I thought. We are a great family. Not too wealthy, not too poor. Just right. Well, it’s been a year and a half and we still haven’t been chosen. Physically, we don’t appeal to birthmothers. Our skin in too pale, our eyes too blue, our hair too blonde. Mothers of color don’t want their child to grow up the odd one out. And who can blame them? I would feel the same way.
After more prayer, God lead us to St. Vincent Catholic Charities and filled our hearts with a passion for foster care. He also introduced us to a woman at church who is a foster parent. And so we began a new journey.
The goal of foster care is to give loving care to a child while the parents sort out their difficulties. Our family goals are shifting from enlarging our own family, to working with other families so they might be reunited. Very different! But it feels right. Whereas before I was praying for birthmothers to chose us, to give up their child so that I might be more fulfilled, I’m now praying that we might be of service to God to strengthen families so they might come together again.
When I write it that way, I can see that my first prayer was selfish. How many other times did I pray for the wrong thing? Walking this faith walk is opening my eyes to God's ever-present voice (in His Word and on TV!) and how my own desires are in place for His glory.
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