Anger Can lead to Renewal

Part of my personal renewal has been a scourging of my past sins. Yes, scourging. It feels as difficult as that sounds. Renewal isn’t a happy little cap that is placed on my head; it’s not a t-shirt that reads “All is well, I’m not going to Hell”. Renewal for me has been like taking a wire brush to my skin and exfoliated until I was shiny pink and raw. Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? [smile]

But after the crust of my sins had been scrubbed off and my skin had peeled and healed, I had new skin. Tough and thicker and fresh skin. Imagine the perfectly smooth and soft skin of a baby – that’s what it felt like. That everything was new and perfected. Sure, I thought I was fine with my old skin. It had served me well, hadn’t it? I looked happy and felt pretty good. But now, on the other side of my healing, the vision of looking back is 20/20. I can now see that my old life was not healthy. The lies I had been told and the lies I had been telling myself were band-aids covering the bigger issue.

My bible study tonight is dealing with anger. And surprisingly, I don’t want to go. Ug. Anger. Blah! I feel like I’ve already dealt with the anger issues. I don’t want to hear of other people’s sad anger stories. I’m in such a good place, why would I want to do that to myself? But, I realized, that is the old me talking. (Yes, she surfaces every now and then.) The purpose is to not rehash anger, but to give myself permission to feel that anger. I’ve been forgiven, and have forgiven myself. Now it’s time to help my sisters heal from their anger. Maybe I’ll discover that I still have some issues to deal with, but maybe I won’t. Either way, I’ll go. Either way, I’ll pray for the other women, find a glimmer of hope in their eyes.

My new self is trying to be positive. My new life is filled with healing and hope.