Mirror Reflections

Is that me in the mirror?How did this happen?

Years ago, I imagined my life very differently. When I was in high school, I imagined I would marry some rich man and live in a big house and have a few kids, maybe shop for clothes once a week, vacation in Europe. You know, the dreams of the young.

But then I met the man I would marry and he didn’t come with a huge bank account. What he does have makes up for that in spades. When we were first married, I realized that I didn’t want just two children, but a whole house full – just because that would mean they would be our children.

Little by little, I’ve become the ultimate housewife and mom – and that doesn’t always feel like a good thing, I’ll be honest. Because of the small bank account, I bake our bread from scratch. It’s a six-hour-a-week-job, but it saves us just over $800 a year (that’s just in bread!). I home school my children because I can do it much better than the public schools can. I don’t go to work because the idea of someone else raising my children is too scary. I wear an apron while I bake and cook (It really just makes sense, it saves my clothes so there is less laundry). Of all the furniture in the house, we have only purchased a rocking chair and bunk beds – everything else was given to us or came with our current home.

I’ve had three children, the third one tipping the scales at 10 pounds, 4 ounces. That left a mark. Well, a few marks.

I can’t watch TV without cringing at the raunchy commercials or covering the eyes of my daughters when scary movies are advertised. So we don’t watch it anymore.

I read the labels of all foods. I don’t feed my children Mac-N-Cheese or food that comes from boxes, because…it’s in a box! How long can that last on a shelf and what’s in it that makes it last that long?

I say a prayer when I drive over a bridge, because my greatest fear as a mother is that my truck will careen out of control, we’ll crash into the river, and I will somehow need to escape the sinking vehicle and swim all my children to safety.

I’ve become the ultimate “What if…?” What if the stove ignites the kitchen and the house goes up in flames? How will I get the children out? What if the stranger at the door is a serial rapist? How will I fend him off? What if all these fears make me crazy and I’m committed and never see my children again?

See what I mean?

How did I become this danger-crazed, bread-baking, school-book wielding, mini-van driving, saggy-gut mother who is supposed to lead her children into adulthood through a positive example?

But I see that with all my flaws, with all my fears and everything I don’t have, I have it all. The good, the bad, and fresh baked bread.

So, on those days that never end, I hope you will toast a piece of bread, pour a cup of tea, and thank God for all our flaws, because they ultimately lead to joy!

Blessings to you all!