Psalm 139

Psalm 139


1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

If you have ever watched young children play, you've seen that they do so as if no one is watching. They are completely absorbed in their role-playing games. They mimic what they see from the adults around them, from television and movies they have seen, and from books.

My daughters are still young, but my oldest is nearing 10 years old. I've noticed recently that she still wants to play as freely as her younger sisters, but she stops her dancing or role-playing if I walk into the room. My presence prevents her from being herself, from acting like a child. She blushes and encourages me to leave and go back to what I was doing in the other room, as if playing with younger children is something to be ashamed. But for me, I want to see them acting like children, enjoying the unlimited boundaries of their imagination, reinacting stories and loving the fact that they have sisters who will always be a part of thier lives.

I imagine too, that God feels the same way about us. He knows what we are doing and thinking and feeling. He knew us in the womb and loved us even before we took our first breath. He must love watching us live; singing and dancing in the kitchen with our children, watching nature change with the seasons, spending time with friends. But the moment we think of Him, our behavior changes to one of reverence and restraint. I think that's sad. God created us and everything good that we enjoy comes from Him. I think God dances for joy when we are happy and follow His commandments. I have felt his presence peel back the covers under which I hide; I sense his understanding smile when He asks me, "Now what have you done that is so horrible that I wouldn't love you anymore?"

We would never abandon our children because they make mistakes, so why would God abandon us? Psalm 139 is that reminder. It celebrates the love God has for us, the knowledge He has for us, the way He searches our hearts and knows us beyond our own comprehension.

Calling All Jesus Freaks!

Last night our group posed the question, "Where are you in your relationship with Jesus? And what will you do before the Renewal Weekend to deepen that relationship?"

I'd never thought of it so clearly. My faith is a relationship with Jesus, but that seems so mystical. I've never met Jesus like I've met my friends. He doesn't physically sit next to me. I can't see him the way I see others around me. So why am I working so hard to build this relationship? Why do I crave His word?

The truth is, as soon as I opened my heart a little bit for Jesus, he pushed it all the way open and stepped in. And once I felt his presence, once I knew the strength of his forgiveness and love, I was hooked. For me, I accepted Jesus into my heart only recently. I knew of him before, I believed that he died for my sins, but that's as far as I went with it. Something happened between then and now to change the way I see him and perhaps the mystical aspect of my faith formation is me.

My relationship with Jesus has grown slowly. I'll admit that I tried really hard to not fall into this "Christian thing". I don't remember there being a magical moment or a great Ah-ha! revelation; it was simply going to church and listening to the scripture, hearing our priest match scripture to life. It was me taking the time to read the bible, to take that scary step and pray aloud in front of others. Jesus had a corner of my heart, and from there he put people in my life to show me the way, to share their story with me so that I might fully accept him. I began seeking out other Christians because I love seeing life through their eyes. Christians don't see pain and suffering as 'God has forgotten me' moments, but as obstacles leading us to God.

Where am I in my relationship with Jesus? When I realized that I wanted to fully walk with God in my faith, I was stunned by the simplicity of joy I felt. I assumed that when people accepted Christ into their hearts, it would be like Christmas - that big day of family and presents and food. Just one day of celebrating and then it's over and life come roaring back at you.

Boy, was I wrong! My devotion to Jesus is like spending an eternity in 'Christmas Day'. All the little gifts God provides are present each day. They may not come wrapped in red and green with a big gold bow on top, but they are just as wonderful. Accepting Jesus into my heart has made me happier, more calm, and peaceful. I feel more confident in myself because I have the strength of the Savior on my side. I know what is right and what is wrong and now I have the courage to do what is right. My relationship with Jesus is new and exciting and I'm thrilled that I can spend the rest of my life sharing His Good News with all those I meet. He may not sit next to me and drink a cup of coffee with me, but he is present in many other ways - ways that no one else can be.

Yes, I'm a Jesus freak and proud of it! Won't you join me?

Mirror Reflections

Is that me in the mirror?How did this happen?

Years ago, I imagined my life very differently. When I was in high school, I imagined I would marry some rich man and live in a big house and have a few kids, maybe shop for clothes once a week, vacation in Europe. You know, the dreams of the young.

But then I met the man I would marry and he didn’t come with a huge bank account. What he does have makes up for that in spades. When we were first married, I realized that I didn’t want just two children, but a whole house full – just because that would mean they would be our children.

Little by little, I’ve become the ultimate housewife and mom – and that doesn’t always feel like a good thing, I’ll be honest. Because of the small bank account, I bake our bread from scratch. It’s a six-hour-a-week-job, but it saves us just over $800 a year (that’s just in bread!). I home school my children because I can do it much better than the public schools can. I don’t go to work because the idea of someone else raising my children is too scary. I wear an apron while I bake and cook (It really just makes sense, it saves my clothes so there is less laundry). Of all the furniture in the house, we have only purchased a rocking chair and bunk beds – everything else was given to us or came with our current home.

I’ve had three children, the third one tipping the scales at 10 pounds, 4 ounces. That left a mark. Well, a few marks.

I can’t watch TV without cringing at the raunchy commercials or covering the eyes of my daughters when scary movies are advertised. So we don’t watch it anymore.

I read the labels of all foods. I don’t feed my children Mac-N-Cheese or food that comes from boxes, because…it’s in a box! How long can that last on a shelf and what’s in it that makes it last that long?

I say a prayer when I drive over a bridge, because my greatest fear as a mother is that my truck will careen out of control, we’ll crash into the river, and I will somehow need to escape the sinking vehicle and swim all my children to safety.

I’ve become the ultimate “What if…?” What if the stove ignites the kitchen and the house goes up in flames? How will I get the children out? What if the stranger at the door is a serial rapist? How will I fend him off? What if all these fears make me crazy and I’m committed and never see my children again?

See what I mean?

How did I become this danger-crazed, bread-baking, school-book wielding, mini-van driving, saggy-gut mother who is supposed to lead her children into adulthood through a positive example?

But I see that with all my flaws, with all my fears and everything I don’t have, I have it all. The good, the bad, and fresh baked bread.

So, on those days that never end, I hope you will toast a piece of bread, pour a cup of tea, and thank God for all our flaws, because they ultimately lead to joy!

Blessings to you all!

Exercise in Scripture, Love

Today a friend from church read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

And then he read it again, this time replacing the word "love" and "it" with "I".

I am patient, I am kind. I do not envy, I do not boast, I am not proud. I am not rude, I am not self-seeking, I am not easily angered, I keep no record of wrongs. I do not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. I always protect, always trust, always hope, always persevere.

How true is that for you?

Clean Spots

I have three children. When they were younger, the gravitational forces were very strong in our house, pulling food, paper scraps from art projects, and often the children right to the ground. Everything fell. If a child fell, we would scoop her up, kiss her hurts, and go back to playing. But more often than not, the things that fell were sticky. Peanut butter sandwiches, milk, juice, paint, vomit, and anything else that oozes from a child.

We have wood floors in our kitchen and dining room. The spills, water and pee in particular, are hard to find until you step in it. Other times I saw the spill and cleaned it immediately.

After months cleaning the floors while one child was potty training and another just dripped everything, I was at my wits end.

Then God intervened.

After an intense day of cleaning floors, spill by spill, I saw my kitchen in a new light. Literally. The sun came through the window at such an angle that I could see several clean circles on the floor. Clean spots.

It reminded me of... me. I wasn't cleaning the whole room every time there was a spill. I was taking care of the mess at hand. There wasn't time to mop the entire room everytime a sippy cup lost its top. I cleaned the mess and went on with the day.

So, now you're wondering what this has to do with renewal in Christ? Good question!

Clean spots are the daily bible readings, the weekly visits to church, the prayers before meals. The basics.

Washing the whole floor is the commitment to Jesus we make when we attend or lead a bible study. It's the way we embrace a friend in need in prayer. It's tithing a true 10%. It's facing our non-believer friends and announcing the gospel without shame. It's calling Jesus a friend despite the possibility of exile.

So the question I ask is this...How clean is your house? If God came for a visit today and ran His white gloved finger across the mantle, what would He find?