I feel that my career as a parent has taught me a great many things: dirt doesn't hurt, cuddle time is more important than timely dinners, and the smaller the child the more room they require.
I also know that I have so much more to learn. My oldest daughter will be 12 in six months, which brings our family to the brink of Teenagerville, a hilly town with beautifully twisting roads, and sunny weather, but plenty of dark alleys in which the roaming visitor can be quickly lost. This post is not about how to raise a child through teenagerhood - I don't have that knowledge yet. It's about coming to that "Welcome to Teenagerville" sign and realizing that your child will walk away from you as you enter this stage of life.
And that's actually a good thing if it's handled in a positive way.
Years ago I read an amazing essay which compared teenagers to the space program launching a satellite. First, great care is taken in forming the satellite, programming it with all the necessary information, guidelines, and code to be successful after liftoff. Next, trial runs are performed and the bugs are worked out. Scientists spend insane amounts of time working on the satellite in preparation for the big day, which draws ever closer with great anticipation. And then, when the big day arrives, the satellite is launched in a blazing ball of fire and thrown into orbit. For the next 8-10 years, communication between the satellite and scientist is sketchy, or sometimes non-existent, as the Scientist realizes that not every bug was worked out of the system and the interference of several other satellites prevents many messages from getting through. And just as the scientist believes that the satellite has been lost forever among all the space junk, it comes crashing home (where it may or may not be kept in the spare room in the basement).
While that description of adolescence is certainly accurate for many, I don't believe it needs to be considered the standard. As parents, it is our job to walk that fine line as our children break free from the shell of childhood and find their wings of adulthood; to, in essence, work diligently so that we are not needed when they reach their 20's but that they will want to be with us, standing side-by-side as independent adults.
While I can't foretell every problem that teens will experience and how parents should handle those situations, I do know that parents who pray have an edge over parents who don't. Even more, parents who pray with their families or within ear shot of their families have a greater advantage. It's not a race to the finish to see which parents come through unscathed, nor is this a magic formula that will guarantee protection for our families. Prayer is simply the energy of the Holy Spirit put to work within the moments of fear and desperation. Parents need to pray and children need to learn how to pray from their parents. If this concept of daily prayer is new to you, then I encourage you to find a mature Christian who has spent years praying and talk to them - ask him or her to act as a mentor for you as you learn how to walk this new walk.
Teenagerville might look like a scary place, especially as we consider our own memories of adolescence and the new troubles that face our children. But it's also a place we can't avoid. My children, in listening to the stories of the junior high students I taught, in seeing the unsupervised teens at the Mall or the movie theater, are now convinced that all teenagers are under a negative influence and more likely to sin than most people. And I believe they are correct. Teens crave independence, but lack the knowledge of life that would allow them to navigate their choices carefully. Teen pregnancy is at a high. Drug use is still an epidemic. Runaways, a lack of enough good teachers, a decline of positive parenting, and a move by the government to remove parental rights has truly injured the family at its core. These are not things which one person (a.k.a. a teacher or a religious leader) can take on single-handed. These are issues that will most likely always be issues, and therefore we must prepare our children to be a beam of light to the Father, the Son and the Holy Sprit for those who have not been taught that way of life.
I'm convinced, that if I pray daily, if I appeal to God for assistance for my children, if I work diligently to protect my children from the harmful effects of this society of ours, I can minimize the negativity of adolescence. I want them to experience the emotions of growing up. I believe that it's healthy and normal and necessary to feel the sting of rejection, to experience the stigma of being Catholic and learning how to defend the Faith. I learned valuable lessons when I was pushed and shoved and tried to turn the other cheek. I believe that who I am today is a result of making good choices and learning from the bad choices. I'm also incredibly thankful to my parents who worked to protect me from society, waiting until I was old enough to comprehend abstract ideas and the truth of cruelty. By providing a safe place for my children, in responding in love (not anger) toward my children when they disappoint me, I can open doors that will most likely save them.
I say all this as I look into the future, hoping that God's mercy will guide me. (That really means that I hope that I can remain true to my faith no matter what comes our way.) There is a great need for husbands and wives to stand strongly, hand-in-hand as their children become adults. It's vital to the survival of the family unit to have family friends whose values are enriched with scripture and traditions of the Faith. We are about to launch into a tornado of events and will require the Holy (Red) Cross to provide for us in moments of need. Stand Strong...no...kneel. Kneel in submission to God, just as Jesus did in the Garden of Gethsemane. We will emerge victorious if we remain true to God's Word.
I will be praying for you!
No comments:
Post a Comment