My view of motherhood is only 11.5 years old, consisting of: four children, one-income, a growing faith, homeschooling, and a constant feeling that I'm not doing enough to be a great mom.
Yep, that last line is really what guides me as a mom. I question what I do: Am I giving my children enough of my quality time? Am I giving my children enough time away from me? If I make nachos for dinner, am I neglecting their nutrition? Are my actions and words a positive influence on their minds? That is the question that creates the most turbulence: Is what I do really what I want my children to learn? Because I homeschool, they are with me every day, all day. Can I keep that positive attitude that I need to change one more dirty diaper while also teaching fractions to a child on the brink of tears of frustration?
It's my attitude that determines the success of the day. I don't like that kind of pressure, but I think most moms would agree to the truth of that statement.
So how can we, as moms, provide our family with safe, happy days that instill core family values?
Let's take a few lessons from the airlines.
1. If there is a sudden drop in cabin pressure, the oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. Place your mask on first, then assist a child with his/her mask.
In reality, at times cabin pressure drops without our knowledge. We suddenly find ourselves gasping for breath without the convenience of life-giving oxygen. The best way for me to find time to breathe is to know what my 'oxygen' is. Personally, I find breathing easier when I have time to myself. Everyday, just as much as I need to sleep and eat, I need time alone. With this time I usually read or write, but sometimes all I really want to do is watch a movie without feeling guilty. To find this time, I've started waking up ridiculously early, enjoying the dark quiet of the house, a good book and a hot cup of coffee. When the morning slips by without that time, I stay up late and wrap up my day with a little glass of wine and some writing time. I don't feel sleepy. Just rejuvenated.
This time to myself allows me to better care for my family. When I've taken the time to do what I love to do, then I have more of myself to share with my children and husband.
2. When experiencing turbulence, buckle up.
Turbulence might be a fussy baby, a stubborn child, an argument with your husband, a failed date, a sick child, bad news from a friend - anything. The best safety belt is your faith. Strap it on and hold on. Find the time to pray, to read the Bible and let your children see you doing that so they will know they when life knocks you down, to fall to your knees and lift your voice to God.
3. All baggage must be stored in the overhead compartments.
Ah, baggage. The metaphor is so rich here. At the airports, they have that box that your carry-on luggage is dropped into to make sure it will fit in the storage compartments. How many bags to you carry? I don't mean literally. Go grab a piece of paper and a pen and write down everything you had to do today, all the things you wanted to do today, and then the things that you are worried about. On the back of that page, make a list of everything you are responsible for - mortgage or rent, bills, career, etc. Then make a list of everything you love. Go ahead, I'll wait.
Quite a list isn't it. That's baggage. As women, we carry that list around in our heads at all times. We worry. We manage. We direct. We fix. We stress. We love.
Beware! How many things on your list are just things? What would happen if you gave up half your list - not your responsibilities that keep your family safe and fed and sheltered, but the worries, the fluff, the to-do list? That's heavy baggage and will weigh down the plane.
Every day will have some bumps; some more than others. But a safe flight through parenting means we watch the weather (emotions) forecast and determine our destination carefully. We pack lightly and ask for a window seat so we can see the tops of the clouds and realize that even when we are tucked underneath a cloud-filled sky, somewhere just beyond the grey, there are peaks of clouds bathed in sun. When we are soaked from the rain that just doesn't seem to end, we can acknowledge that the entire world is not rainy and the warm, sunny weather will return. Soon.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
On the Edge of Teenagerville
I feel that my career as a parent has taught me a great many things: dirt doesn't hurt, cuddle time is more important than timely dinners, and the smaller the child the more room they require.
I also know that I have so much more to learn. My oldest daughter will be 12 in six months, which brings our family to the brink of Teenagerville, a hilly town with beautifully twisting roads, and sunny weather, but plenty of dark alleys in which the roaming visitor can be quickly lost. This post is not about how to raise a child through teenagerhood - I don't have that knowledge yet. It's about coming to that "Welcome to Teenagerville" sign and realizing that your child will walk away from you as you enter this stage of life.
And that's actually a good thing if it's handled in a positive way.
Years ago I read an amazing essay which compared teenagers to the space program launching a satellite. First, great care is taken in forming the satellite, programming it with all the necessary information, guidelines, and code to be successful after liftoff. Next, trial runs are performed and the bugs are worked out. Scientists spend insane amounts of time working on the satellite in preparation for the big day, which draws ever closer with great anticipation. And then, when the big day arrives, the satellite is launched in a blazing ball of fire and thrown into orbit. For the next 8-10 years, communication between the satellite and scientist is sketchy, or sometimes non-existent, as the Scientist realizes that not every bug was worked out of the system and the interference of several other satellites prevents many messages from getting through. And just as the scientist believes that the satellite has been lost forever among all the space junk, it comes crashing home (where it may or may not be kept in the spare room in the basement).
While that description of adolescence is certainly accurate for many, I don't believe it needs to be considered the standard. As parents, it is our job to walk that fine line as our children break free from the shell of childhood and find their wings of adulthood; to, in essence, work diligently so that we are not needed when they reach their 20's but that they will want to be with us, standing side-by-side as independent adults.
While I can't foretell every problem that teens will experience and how parents should handle those situations, I do know that parents who pray have an edge over parents who don't. Even more, parents who pray with their families or within ear shot of their families have a greater advantage. It's not a race to the finish to see which parents come through unscathed, nor is this a magic formula that will guarantee protection for our families. Prayer is simply the energy of the Holy Spirit put to work within the moments of fear and desperation. Parents need to pray and children need to learn how to pray from their parents. If this concept of daily prayer is new to you, then I encourage you to find a mature Christian who has spent years praying and talk to them - ask him or her to act as a mentor for you as you learn how to walk this new walk.
Teenagerville might look like a scary place, especially as we consider our own memories of adolescence and the new troubles that face our children. But it's also a place we can't avoid. My children, in listening to the stories of the junior high students I taught, in seeing the unsupervised teens at the Mall or the movie theater, are now convinced that all teenagers are under a negative influence and more likely to sin than most people. And I believe they are correct. Teens crave independence, but lack the knowledge of life that would allow them to navigate their choices carefully. Teen pregnancy is at a high. Drug use is still an epidemic. Runaways, a lack of enough good teachers, a decline of positive parenting, and a move by the government to remove parental rights has truly injured the family at its core. These are not things which one person (a.k.a. a teacher or a religious leader) can take on single-handed. These are issues that will most likely always be issues, and therefore we must prepare our children to be a beam of light to the Father, the Son and the Holy Sprit for those who have not been taught that way of life.
I'm convinced, that if I pray daily, if I appeal to God for assistance for my children, if I work diligently to protect my children from the harmful effects of this society of ours, I can minimize the negativity of adolescence. I want them to experience the emotions of growing up. I believe that it's healthy and normal and necessary to feel the sting of rejection, to experience the stigma of being Catholic and learning how to defend the Faith. I learned valuable lessons when I was pushed and shoved and tried to turn the other cheek. I believe that who I am today is a result of making good choices and learning from the bad choices. I'm also incredibly thankful to my parents who worked to protect me from society, waiting until I was old enough to comprehend abstract ideas and the truth of cruelty. By providing a safe place for my children, in responding in love (not anger) toward my children when they disappoint me, I can open doors that will most likely save them.
I say all this as I look into the future, hoping that God's mercy will guide me. (That really means that I hope that I can remain true to my faith no matter what comes our way.) There is a great need for husbands and wives to stand strongly, hand-in-hand as their children become adults. It's vital to the survival of the family unit to have family friends whose values are enriched with scripture and traditions of the Faith. We are about to launch into a tornado of events and will require the Holy (Red) Cross to provide for us in moments of need. Stand Strong...no...kneel. Kneel in submission to God, just as Jesus did in the Garden of Gethsemane. We will emerge victorious if we remain true to God's Word.
I will be praying for you!
I also know that I have so much more to learn. My oldest daughter will be 12 in six months, which brings our family to the brink of Teenagerville, a hilly town with beautifully twisting roads, and sunny weather, but plenty of dark alleys in which the roaming visitor can be quickly lost. This post is not about how to raise a child through teenagerhood - I don't have that knowledge yet. It's about coming to that "Welcome to Teenagerville" sign and realizing that your child will walk away from you as you enter this stage of life.
And that's actually a good thing if it's handled in a positive way.
Years ago I read an amazing essay which compared teenagers to the space program launching a satellite. First, great care is taken in forming the satellite, programming it with all the necessary information, guidelines, and code to be successful after liftoff. Next, trial runs are performed and the bugs are worked out. Scientists spend insane amounts of time working on the satellite in preparation for the big day, which draws ever closer with great anticipation. And then, when the big day arrives, the satellite is launched in a blazing ball of fire and thrown into orbit. For the next 8-10 years, communication between the satellite and scientist is sketchy, or sometimes non-existent, as the Scientist realizes that not every bug was worked out of the system and the interference of several other satellites prevents many messages from getting through. And just as the scientist believes that the satellite has been lost forever among all the space junk, it comes crashing home (where it may or may not be kept in the spare room in the basement).
While that description of adolescence is certainly accurate for many, I don't believe it needs to be considered the standard. As parents, it is our job to walk that fine line as our children break free from the shell of childhood and find their wings of adulthood; to, in essence, work diligently so that we are not needed when they reach their 20's but that they will want to be with us, standing side-by-side as independent adults.
While I can't foretell every problem that teens will experience and how parents should handle those situations, I do know that parents who pray have an edge over parents who don't. Even more, parents who pray with their families or within ear shot of their families have a greater advantage. It's not a race to the finish to see which parents come through unscathed, nor is this a magic formula that will guarantee protection for our families. Prayer is simply the energy of the Holy Spirit put to work within the moments of fear and desperation. Parents need to pray and children need to learn how to pray from their parents. If this concept of daily prayer is new to you, then I encourage you to find a mature Christian who has spent years praying and talk to them - ask him or her to act as a mentor for you as you learn how to walk this new walk.
Teenagerville might look like a scary place, especially as we consider our own memories of adolescence and the new troubles that face our children. But it's also a place we can't avoid. My children, in listening to the stories of the junior high students I taught, in seeing the unsupervised teens at the Mall or the movie theater, are now convinced that all teenagers are under a negative influence and more likely to sin than most people. And I believe they are correct. Teens crave independence, but lack the knowledge of life that would allow them to navigate their choices carefully. Teen pregnancy is at a high. Drug use is still an epidemic. Runaways, a lack of enough good teachers, a decline of positive parenting, and a move by the government to remove parental rights has truly injured the family at its core. These are not things which one person (a.k.a. a teacher or a religious leader) can take on single-handed. These are issues that will most likely always be issues, and therefore we must prepare our children to be a beam of light to the Father, the Son and the Holy Sprit for those who have not been taught that way of life.
I'm convinced, that if I pray daily, if I appeal to God for assistance for my children, if I work diligently to protect my children from the harmful effects of this society of ours, I can minimize the negativity of adolescence. I want them to experience the emotions of growing up. I believe that it's healthy and normal and necessary to feel the sting of rejection, to experience the stigma of being Catholic and learning how to defend the Faith. I learned valuable lessons when I was pushed and shoved and tried to turn the other cheek. I believe that who I am today is a result of making good choices and learning from the bad choices. I'm also incredibly thankful to my parents who worked to protect me from society, waiting until I was old enough to comprehend abstract ideas and the truth of cruelty. By providing a safe place for my children, in responding in love (not anger) toward my children when they disappoint me, I can open doors that will most likely save them.
I say all this as I look into the future, hoping that God's mercy will guide me. (That really means that I hope that I can remain true to my faith no matter what comes our way.) There is a great need for husbands and wives to stand strongly, hand-in-hand as their children become adults. It's vital to the survival of the family unit to have family friends whose values are enriched with scripture and traditions of the Faith. We are about to launch into a tornado of events and will require the Holy (Red) Cross to provide for us in moments of need. Stand Strong...no...kneel. Kneel in submission to God, just as Jesus did in the Garden of Gethsemane. We will emerge victorious if we remain true to God's Word.
I will be praying for you!
Monday, May 23, 2011
Wanted: A Mentor
The days of Apprenticeship are gone. Or mostly gone. There are very few careers that utilize the concept of apprenticeship, relying more on college educations, trade schools or sheer luck to find a job at which to excel.
There are informal ways in which we can find - or become - mentors. The Boys and Girls club, Big Brothers and Big Sisters, and tutoring are just a few. But personally, I've discovered the need for a mentor to assist me in growing spiritually. I crave a deeper prayer life. I want to know Jesus more, to have a personal relationship with him. I've heard all the words and am reading the books that will help me find this rich spirituality and faith, but what I'm missing is a person who already had that and is willing to teach me.
As I think and pray on this idea, I realize that the concept of having someone to go to is slipping away on the tide of technology. Many people now prefer the ease of texting over talking, emails over phone calls and facebook posts over everything. So often I will reach out to a friend on the phone and find their voice mail box is full. Cravings for a friend's voice become extreme. How is it possible that in a society with a plethora of communication technology, I feel more lonely than ever? Why is the spoken word becoming obsolete?
There was a day when the spoken word was all humankind had to share history, stories and to make promises. Jesus freed people form demons at the sound of his voice, and later his followers do the same using Jesus' name. Our prayers are more powerful if we speak them. A song can only be experienced through a voice. Isaac spoke a blessing over the wrong son and couldn't take it back because he had used the power of his voice. If a word spoken on this lips of man has that much power, it's no surprise that despair is gripping our world when we are virtually silent.
I encourage all who read this to reach out to someone and talk. Technology has it's place, but it certainly isn't to be used to deepen a relationship. God gave us what we need to survive, which is why we are not born with a USB port in our ear. I earnestly desire a person who will 'unplug' and spend time with me, talk to me, listen to me, and be face-to-face with me. Time together is free and requires no loading time. I believe if we come together, we will rediscover the gift of the human spirit, the sanctity of the human soul, and the purity of God's plan for the human race.
There are informal ways in which we can find - or become - mentors. The Boys and Girls club, Big Brothers and Big Sisters, and tutoring are just a few. But personally, I've discovered the need for a mentor to assist me in growing spiritually. I crave a deeper prayer life. I want to know Jesus more, to have a personal relationship with him. I've heard all the words and am reading the books that will help me find this rich spirituality and faith, but what I'm missing is a person who already had that and is willing to teach me.
As I think and pray on this idea, I realize that the concept of having someone to go to is slipping away on the tide of technology. Many people now prefer the ease of texting over talking, emails over phone calls and facebook posts over everything. So often I will reach out to a friend on the phone and find their voice mail box is full. Cravings for a friend's voice become extreme. How is it possible that in a society with a plethora of communication technology, I feel more lonely than ever? Why is the spoken word becoming obsolete?
There was a day when the spoken word was all humankind had to share history, stories and to make promises. Jesus freed people form demons at the sound of his voice, and later his followers do the same using Jesus' name. Our prayers are more powerful if we speak them. A song can only be experienced through a voice. Isaac spoke a blessing over the wrong son and couldn't take it back because he had used the power of his voice. If a word spoken on this lips of man has that much power, it's no surprise that despair is gripping our world when we are virtually silent.
I encourage all who read this to reach out to someone and talk. Technology has it's place, but it certainly isn't to be used to deepen a relationship. God gave us what we need to survive, which is why we are not born with a USB port in our ear. I earnestly desire a person who will 'unplug' and spend time with me, talk to me, listen to me, and be face-to-face with me. Time together is free and requires no loading time. I believe if we come together, we will rediscover the gift of the human spirit, the sanctity of the human soul, and the purity of God's plan for the human race.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Was Anyone Raptured Yesterday?
May 21, 2011 came and went without any major natural catastrophe, no reports of mass raptures, nothing. How disappointed the people who truly believed that yesterday was to be the end must feel. I feel badly for them. For those who thought the world was going to end, they prepared in some way for it: settling all their accounts and spending time with loved ones (the responsible action), or spending all their savings and partying 'till the sun rose this morning (not so responsible).
All this fuss came about because one man supposedly found clues in the bible that lead him to believe that he discovered the code to the Last Day. One man spent time with the bible looking for answers to questions and thought he found it.
If one man can decode a false Last Day, what other false teachings can be gleaned from the sacred Word of God? It's easy to see that this is an epidemic as there are over 33,000 Christian churches world-wide. That's over 33,000 different interpretations of the same book. How can that be? Didn't Jesus warn us that a house divided against itself could not stand? This is why having an established understanding and purpose for reading and comprehending the bible is crucial for spiritual growth and safety.
A few years ago I went to a Protestant church for Sunday service. The pastor went on for over an hour about how the bible revealed the truth of Cancer - that it was a sign that people who suffered from that disease were not truly in love with God and were being tormented by a Cancer demon.
What?! I couldn't believe my ears. Nothing in the Catholic faith even resembled this gem. In his search to understand why bad things happen, one little verse in the bible brought him to this conclusion (I don't remember the verse). Damage was done that day. The members of that church left thinking that they could protect themselves from cancer by deepening their faith in God (perhaps true) and that those afflicted with cancer were not true believers (certainly not true). The Catholic church teaches that God does not create evil, but can take evil and transform it into a blessing. If someone is diagnosed with cancer, God can use that time of illness to deepen that person's faith. God can bring families together, heal wounds and instill peace through times of trouble.
This is why Catholic teachings are so important. Directly from the Apostles, straight from the men who spent three years learning from Jesus, receiving the Holy Spirit and then dying for their belief in Jesus, straight from the church that selected and organized the Christian Bible, we have a faith that has stood the test of time - over 2,000 years. The organization of the Church, the longevity of the Church Christ himself established, has acquired thousands of writings from Holy men and women, Saints and Popes that lead us up that narrow and difficult path toward an eternity in heaven.
Looking for truth? Look to the Catholic Church for answers. Looking for family? Come to the Christian faith. Need to find strength? Look to the Bible and discover the truth of God's Word through the Catholic Catechism, the Sacraments, and prayer. The truth of the Catholic Church has been tested in fire and still stands strong.
Taking a lesson from those who prepared for the end of the world as we know it, I'm going to follow Catholic traditions and prepare for the coming of Our Lord in the manner in which I was taught: Eucharist, Reconciliation, Christian community, and Prayer. This is how God wants us to live and wait for his return. After all, God created man so that we would live in perfect union with Him forever. Why would God destroy his creation to bring about an end to what He loves?
All this fuss came about because one man supposedly found clues in the bible that lead him to believe that he discovered the code to the Last Day. One man spent time with the bible looking for answers to questions and thought he found it.
If one man can decode a false Last Day, what other false teachings can be gleaned from the sacred Word of God? It's easy to see that this is an epidemic as there are over 33,000 Christian churches world-wide. That's over 33,000 different interpretations of the same book. How can that be? Didn't Jesus warn us that a house divided against itself could not stand? This is why having an established understanding and purpose for reading and comprehending the bible is crucial for spiritual growth and safety.
A few years ago I went to a Protestant church for Sunday service. The pastor went on for over an hour about how the bible revealed the truth of Cancer - that it was a sign that people who suffered from that disease were not truly in love with God and were being tormented by a Cancer demon.
What?! I couldn't believe my ears. Nothing in the Catholic faith even resembled this gem. In his search to understand why bad things happen, one little verse in the bible brought him to this conclusion (I don't remember the verse). Damage was done that day. The members of that church left thinking that they could protect themselves from cancer by deepening their faith in God (perhaps true) and that those afflicted with cancer were not true believers (certainly not true). The Catholic church teaches that God does not create evil, but can take evil and transform it into a blessing. If someone is diagnosed with cancer, God can use that time of illness to deepen that person's faith. God can bring families together, heal wounds and instill peace through times of trouble.
This is why Catholic teachings are so important. Directly from the Apostles, straight from the men who spent three years learning from Jesus, receiving the Holy Spirit and then dying for their belief in Jesus, straight from the church that selected and organized the Christian Bible, we have a faith that has stood the test of time - over 2,000 years. The organization of the Church, the longevity of the Church Christ himself established, has acquired thousands of writings from Holy men and women, Saints and Popes that lead us up that narrow and difficult path toward an eternity in heaven.
Looking for truth? Look to the Catholic Church for answers. Looking for family? Come to the Christian faith. Need to find strength? Look to the Bible and discover the truth of God's Word through the Catholic Catechism, the Sacraments, and prayer. The truth of the Catholic Church has been tested in fire and still stands strong.
Taking a lesson from those who prepared for the end of the world as we know it, I'm going to follow Catholic traditions and prepare for the coming of Our Lord in the manner in which I was taught: Eucharist, Reconciliation, Christian community, and Prayer. This is how God wants us to live and wait for his return. After all, God created man so that we would live in perfect union with Him forever. Why would God destroy his creation to bring about an end to what He loves?
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Recipe - Almond Date Cookies
We have an unspoken rule at our house: "If it isn't healthy, we don't eat it." We do occasionally treat the kids to ice cream...we are not completely rigid on our healthy lifestyle which I hope will provide some balance for our family. Children who are deprived from all sweets (and adults to, for that matter) have a tendency to over-do it when given the opportunity.
For those in-between celebration days (sing "Happy Un-Birthday to Me!) I like to make treats that are both sweetened naturally and packed with good fats and proteins to make playtime a more energetic experience. It's true. The food we give our children affects how they play. If you want to do an experiment try this...make the following recipe and give your child two cookies. Then go outside and play. The next day, give them a glass of Kool-Aid and a regular cookie, then go outside and play. You'll find that the sugary snack increases the intensity of everything: voice volume, violence of play, and the duration - children have a tendency to act out in a more aggressive manner and collapse in tears.
For me, providing healthy options for my family is a must, but I also love recipes that require very few ingredients and don't take long to make. Almond Date cookies are one of my favorites.
Almond Date Cookies:
1 cup almonds, soaked in water for at least 6 hours (I soak them overnight and make the cookies in the morning.)
1/3 cup pitted dates
1 egg
Drain the almonds. Place all ingredients in a food processor or a powerful blender and blend until nicely chopped. (Play around with this - the finer the blending, the thinner the cookie.) Roll into balls and place on parchment paper covered cookie sheet. Press the cookies to flatten a bit. Bake @ 350 degrees F. for 10 minutes. The cooking time will vary depending on how big the cookies are.
NOTE: if you want to replace the egg, try soaking 1 TBSP ground flax seeds in 3 TBSP water for 15 minutes. That increases the healthy fats in the cookie as well.
For those in-between celebration days (sing "Happy Un-Birthday to Me!) I like to make treats that are both sweetened naturally and packed with good fats and proteins to make playtime a more energetic experience. It's true. The food we give our children affects how they play. If you want to do an experiment try this...make the following recipe and give your child two cookies. Then go outside and play. The next day, give them a glass of Kool-Aid and a regular cookie, then go outside and play. You'll find that the sugary snack increases the intensity of everything: voice volume, violence of play, and the duration - children have a tendency to act out in a more aggressive manner and collapse in tears.
For me, providing healthy options for my family is a must, but I also love recipes that require very few ingredients and don't take long to make. Almond Date cookies are one of my favorites.
Almond Date Cookies:
1 cup almonds, soaked in water for at least 6 hours (I soak them overnight and make the cookies in the morning.)
1/3 cup pitted dates
1 egg
Drain the almonds. Place all ingredients in a food processor or a powerful blender and blend until nicely chopped. (Play around with this - the finer the blending, the thinner the cookie.) Roll into balls and place on parchment paper covered cookie sheet. Press the cookies to flatten a bit. Bake @ 350 degrees F. for 10 minutes. The cooking time will vary depending on how big the cookies are.
NOTE: if you want to replace the egg, try soaking 1 TBSP ground flax seeds in 3 TBSP water for 15 minutes. That increases the healthy fats in the cookie as well.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Living Within Your Means
If you've read any previous post, you know that I am a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom - which means that my husband and I manage our household on a single income. He owns his own business, which comes with the blessing of being his own boss, and the burden of paying for everything. As wife and mother, it falls on me to use what he brings home to feed and clothe my family. This could be a ridiculous burden, but I found that if I make it a game, I love the challenge.
I'm know that we make less money than many, many people. I also know that we make more than many. But I believe that what we do to stay afloat in the economy will uncover some options for others who also want to trim their budget.
God First
Before I write another word, I must stress the importance of putting God first in your life. Begin the day in prayer, spend the day in prayer, end the day in prayer. In doing so, I have discovered a fullness and satisfaction with my little life that makes a great difference. I know what I have and I don't worry about what I don't have. Tithing and charity are no longer burdens on us financially, but acts of true love.
Clothing
I no longer shop for clothes at the Mall or department stores. I first go to the Second Hand stores and Consignment shops. If you have never explored the world of second-hand shopping, give it a try before you pooh-pooh the idea! With my children growing, keeping them in well-fitting, nice clothing could break the bank. But with some smart shopping and a little digging through the racks, I was able to buy 6 pairs of pants and capris, 4 pairs of shorts, 1 pair of shoes (never worn), and 9 shirts for less than $50. To purchase these new, averaging each item at $20.00 (which I think is conservative) would have cost me $400. I saved $350. My daughters and I laughed as we left that second-hand store with all our purchases stuffed into a giant black trash bag. True, I miss the new clothes that are wrapped in tissue paper and placed lovingly into a thick paper bag with handles. I'm over that - with a savings of several hundred dollars, I'll take the garbage bag of clothes.
There are some clothing items that we do purchase new - underwear. This is my preference, and I'm sure you can understand why. Even in purchasing undergarments new, I've discovered that mega stores like Sam's Club, Walmart, and Meijer and sometimes at department stores that offer coupons, I can find reasonable prices for these private necessities.
Second-hand clothing can be a sticking point for many people. Well, get over it. If you are looking to save money, put your pride on the shelf. You will be amazed by the freedom you find in the treasures that consignment shops offer and you will love the money you save - 80% off department store prices.
Food
Providing my family with healthy food options is a huge priority. My husband is a personal trainer with a degree is nutrition and I have diabetes that I manage mostly through my diet. It is not an option for me to clip coupons to save money since most of the coupon items are boxed and prepackaged foods, which are high in carbohydrates and therefore not a healthy choice for me (or anyone, for that matter). So what do we do?
We plan ahead. Using a calendar, I plan out the weekly menu, first using items that I already have, then shopping for what we need. A valuable part of the planning meals includes a 'buffet night', which I schedule for the day before I go grocery shopping when I set out all the leftovers from the week. Since I have been meal planning, I've tracked a 40% reduction in my monthly grocery bill.
I plan that weekly menu around what's on sale that week at the grocery store. The savings on a weekly basis range from $10.00 to $35.00 depending on the sales. I also talked with the produce guy at my local grocery store about the discounted fruit shelf - you know, when there is an overstock of fruits and veggies so they package up the older produce and sell at 50%- 90% off. I go to the store on the morning after they package up that fruit. I've been able to trim my grocery bill another 15%-30% by doing this. Yes, we eat that much in fruits and vegetables. And no, the fruit isn't much different than what pretty displays hold.
Another food plan we utilize is purchasing quality food in bulk. Sam's Club and Costco are great places to purchase items such as: oatmeal, flour, rice, coffee, tea and canned goods in bulk. Of course, if storage is a problem, you will need to be a little creative, but it will be worth the effort.
Contact local farmers for purchasing meat in bulk. The initial expense it quite a bit - we spent $822 on a half of a cow this year, providing us with 330 pounds of meat, but considering that from that expense we have a full chest freezer of ground beef, steaks, roasts, and ribs - enough to last us an entire year if we eat meat 3-4 times a week, that's a bargain. Our price per pound for ground beef, steaks and roasts was $2.50. Today at the store, steaks are $10.00 pound and ground beef is 3.50 (unless you can find it on sale). Purchasing our meat directly from a farmer has saved us $565.00 this year. Again, storage could be an issue and while it might be an expense to purchase a chest freezer, check out those second-hand stores and let people know what you are looking for and it will come to you.
Fitness
The Health and Nutrition field is a million dollar market - and I don't mean doctor bills, but health club memberships, workout equipment, clothing, and DVDs. This could be money well spent if it is used daily, but as many of us can testify, treadmills make great clothing hangers and dumbbells are great door stops.
Instead of joining a club, try the great outdoors. Spring, summer and fall are the easiest months to take the workout outside. Find a park with trails and walk. Do push-ups on benches and lunges from this tree to that tree. Buy a jump rope for $3.00 and feel like a kid again. Find friends to walk or jog with. Trade workout DVDs with friends and try something new.
The potential to save here is unlimited and can only be judged by how much you have spent in the past. No matter what your fitness needs or goals are, you can always do more and spend less.
Vacations
Summer is the season to get out of town and relax. For us, we go camping. For a mere $12-$27 a night, we can pitch our tent or park the camper and find fun in God's natural world. Yes, we plan our meals when we camp and yes, we go for hikes to include exercise in our vacations. Instead of spending $4000 - $5000 on airline tickets and hotels, amusement parks and restaurants, we spend on average $150-$200 a camping trip depending on how far we travel. With gas prices floating at $4.00/gallon and up, we will spend more time camping closer to home. (Note that the cost of camping includes what you would normally spend on food - since you have to eat, it's not an extra expense.)
A very dear friend of mine loathes the idea of camping. Can't say I blame her - we have spent many afternoons in our camper playing board games and watching movies on the laptop while it rains (which I don't mind - vacations are meant to be spent with family). For her family, searching for a hotel is a better choice. There are many lodges that offer swimming, game rooms, craft rooms and local attractions. During the winter months, our family goes to Pokagon State Park in Angola, Indiana and stay at the Potowatomi Inn. From November to April, all Indiana State Park Inns offer two-nights-for-the-price-of-one from Sunday to Thursday. With a pool, hiking trails, a wonderful nature center, craft room, game room and restaurants, we can have three days and two nights for less than $150, (We bring a cooler of food, again planning our meals so it doesn't add any extra cost for food and only eating one or two meals in the restaurant). Indiana's state parks offer several family deals with amenities. If you are a hotel-camper, I highly encourage you to go to http://www.in.gov/dnr/.
Home Repair
I'll keep this one simple - if you can do it yourself, do it yourself. Painting, plumbing, remodeling or any other fix-it project can raise blood-pressure and leave dusty footprints throughout the house, but how you approach any project will make the difference. Remember that saving money can be challenging, but also fun. Keep that positive attitude and soldier forth. And know when to call the professional. Sometimes the best way to save money is to have someone else do it right the first time.
Also ask yourself if the project is necessary. If it's plumbing, necessity is assumed. But remodeling projects might be better saved for later when the budget is less sticky. Until then, what can you do to improve the house? Cleaning and de-cluttering (and then selling those items online or at consignment stores for extra income), are two places to begin.
Entertainment
This is my specialty. I love having people over for dinner,grilling burgers (that we bought directly from the farmer) and serving new recipes (which I have planned a week before). We don't rent movies often, but we do that more than we go to the theater, when we also use coupons, go to matinees or look for special pricing from nearby theaters (which, honestly happens maybe twice a year). Instead, we play board games and card games and listen to books on tape from the library. We go for walks and hikes and bike rides. Our city offers free entertainment that allows us to explore where we live and discover new places to visit. There are several cities nation-wide that plan a "Be a Tourist In Your Own Town" day that opens all the museums for free and provides $0.50 all-day bus rides. Grand Rapids, MI has the newly established Art Prize with free-to-low-cost transportation. If you know of other fun and free entertainment venues, please share!
When you were a kid, did you ever play in the sprinkler? How many kids still do that? Mine do. It's cheap, fun and takes the pinch off the summer heat. Make your own popsicles. Find a local pool or park that offers swimming and a playground. Pitch a tent in the backyard, or (gasp!) make a tent out of blankets. Go to the library and find a good book, a book on tape, or a movie to rent for free. Dig out board games like: Sorry, Life, Trouble, or a deck of cards and play. Tell stories about your childhood (believe me, your kids will love it!). Find the simple and put it into play. It's the best way to enjoy the summer and find time to bond with your family.
Married? The rage right now is to date your spouse to keep the relationship healthy. This is tough for us as we would need to hire a sitter and then pay for dinner and a movie. The idea of dropping a $100 to spend time with my husband doesn't feel right considering our economic state. So how can I have my cake and eat it too? We plan our dates after the kids bedtime. I will take the kids to the park and have fun with them, wearing them out a little more than usual so they will go to bed early. Their dinner and bed time comes an hour earlier on our date nights. Then, using a movie I've rented from the library ($1.00) and dinner (which was planned and paid for on the shopping day) my husband and I have dinner and movie night.
Will My Plan Work for You?
The plan my husband and I use works well for us, but we didn't just sit down and create the perfect plan. This has taken our entire marriage to come to this place and it will change when his income changes (for better or worse). From openly discussing our budget and living within our means, we no longer worry about what we don't have and enjoy all the blessings God has given us - and that can work for everyone. The key to any successful budget plan is to start with what you have, work with what you earn, and forget the rest. Find the joy of finding a good deal, the satisfaction of doing with less, and the relief of saving money to pay off debt or get ahead. How well your plan works for you is all up to you.
A few weeks ago, we had dinner with friends and they congratulated us on living so nicely on almost no money. I have never thought of my family having nothing. I suppose we are quite simple in our living compared to some, but I know that what we have gained in this life-style are wonderful children, a strong marriage and a blessed understanding of knowing that God is taking care of us because we are putting Him first in our lives.
I'm know that we make less money than many, many people. I also know that we make more than many. But I believe that what we do to stay afloat in the economy will uncover some options for others who also want to trim their budget.
God First
Before I write another word, I must stress the importance of putting God first in your life. Begin the day in prayer, spend the day in prayer, end the day in prayer. In doing so, I have discovered a fullness and satisfaction with my little life that makes a great difference. I know what I have and I don't worry about what I don't have. Tithing and charity are no longer burdens on us financially, but acts of true love.
Clothing
I no longer shop for clothes at the Mall or department stores. I first go to the Second Hand stores and Consignment shops. If you have never explored the world of second-hand shopping, give it a try before you pooh-pooh the idea! With my children growing, keeping them in well-fitting, nice clothing could break the bank. But with some smart shopping and a little digging through the racks, I was able to buy 6 pairs of pants and capris, 4 pairs of shorts, 1 pair of shoes (never worn), and 9 shirts for less than $50. To purchase these new, averaging each item at $20.00 (which I think is conservative) would have cost me $400. I saved $350. My daughters and I laughed as we left that second-hand store with all our purchases stuffed into a giant black trash bag. True, I miss the new clothes that are wrapped in tissue paper and placed lovingly into a thick paper bag with handles. I'm over that - with a savings of several hundred dollars, I'll take the garbage bag of clothes.
There are some clothing items that we do purchase new - underwear. This is my preference, and I'm sure you can understand why. Even in purchasing undergarments new, I've discovered that mega stores like Sam's Club, Walmart, and Meijer and sometimes at department stores that offer coupons, I can find reasonable prices for these private necessities.
Second-hand clothing can be a sticking point for many people. Well, get over it. If you are looking to save money, put your pride on the shelf. You will be amazed by the freedom you find in the treasures that consignment shops offer and you will love the money you save - 80% off department store prices.
Food
Providing my family with healthy food options is a huge priority. My husband is a personal trainer with a degree is nutrition and I have diabetes that I manage mostly through my diet. It is not an option for me to clip coupons to save money since most of the coupon items are boxed and prepackaged foods, which are high in carbohydrates and therefore not a healthy choice for me (or anyone, for that matter). So what do we do?
We plan ahead. Using a calendar, I plan out the weekly menu, first using items that I already have, then shopping for what we need. A valuable part of the planning meals includes a 'buffet night', which I schedule for the day before I go grocery shopping when I set out all the leftovers from the week. Since I have been meal planning, I've tracked a 40% reduction in my monthly grocery bill.
I plan that weekly menu around what's on sale that week at the grocery store. The savings on a weekly basis range from $10.00 to $35.00 depending on the sales. I also talked with the produce guy at my local grocery store about the discounted fruit shelf - you know, when there is an overstock of fruits and veggies so they package up the older produce and sell at 50%- 90% off. I go to the store on the morning after they package up that fruit. I've been able to trim my grocery bill another 15%-30% by doing this. Yes, we eat that much in fruits and vegetables. And no, the fruit isn't much different than what pretty displays hold.
Another food plan we utilize is purchasing quality food in bulk. Sam's Club and Costco are great places to purchase items such as: oatmeal, flour, rice, coffee, tea and canned goods in bulk. Of course, if storage is a problem, you will need to be a little creative, but it will be worth the effort.
Contact local farmers for purchasing meat in bulk. The initial expense it quite a bit - we spent $822 on a half of a cow this year, providing us with 330 pounds of meat, but considering that from that expense we have a full chest freezer of ground beef, steaks, roasts, and ribs - enough to last us an entire year if we eat meat 3-4 times a week, that's a bargain. Our price per pound for ground beef, steaks and roasts was $2.50. Today at the store, steaks are $10.00 pound and ground beef is 3.50 (unless you can find it on sale). Purchasing our meat directly from a farmer has saved us $565.00 this year. Again, storage could be an issue and while it might be an expense to purchase a chest freezer, check out those second-hand stores and let people know what you are looking for and it will come to you.
Fitness
The Health and Nutrition field is a million dollar market - and I don't mean doctor bills, but health club memberships, workout equipment, clothing, and DVDs. This could be money well spent if it is used daily, but as many of us can testify, treadmills make great clothing hangers and dumbbells are great door stops.
Instead of joining a club, try the great outdoors. Spring, summer and fall are the easiest months to take the workout outside. Find a park with trails and walk. Do push-ups on benches and lunges from this tree to that tree. Buy a jump rope for $3.00 and feel like a kid again. Find friends to walk or jog with. Trade workout DVDs with friends and try something new.
The potential to save here is unlimited and can only be judged by how much you have spent in the past. No matter what your fitness needs or goals are, you can always do more and spend less.
Vacations
Summer is the season to get out of town and relax. For us, we go camping. For a mere $12-$27 a night, we can pitch our tent or park the camper and find fun in God's natural world. Yes, we plan our meals when we camp and yes, we go for hikes to include exercise in our vacations. Instead of spending $4000 - $5000 on airline tickets and hotels, amusement parks and restaurants, we spend on average $150-$200 a camping trip depending on how far we travel. With gas prices floating at $4.00/gallon and up, we will spend more time camping closer to home. (Note that the cost of camping includes what you would normally spend on food - since you have to eat, it's not an extra expense.)
A very dear friend of mine loathes the idea of camping. Can't say I blame her - we have spent many afternoons in our camper playing board games and watching movies on the laptop while it rains (which I don't mind - vacations are meant to be spent with family). For her family, searching for a hotel is a better choice. There are many lodges that offer swimming, game rooms, craft rooms and local attractions. During the winter months, our family goes to Pokagon State Park in Angola, Indiana and stay at the Potowatomi Inn. From November to April, all Indiana State Park Inns offer two-nights-for-the-price-of-one from Sunday to Thursday. With a pool, hiking trails, a wonderful nature center, craft room, game room and restaurants, we can have three days and two nights for less than $150, (We bring a cooler of food, again planning our meals so it doesn't add any extra cost for food and only eating one or two meals in the restaurant). Indiana's state parks offer several family deals with amenities. If you are a hotel-camper, I highly encourage you to go to http://www.in.gov/dnr/.
Home Repair
I'll keep this one simple - if you can do it yourself, do it yourself. Painting, plumbing, remodeling or any other fix-it project can raise blood-pressure and leave dusty footprints throughout the house, but how you approach any project will make the difference. Remember that saving money can be challenging, but also fun. Keep that positive attitude and soldier forth. And know when to call the professional. Sometimes the best way to save money is to have someone else do it right the first time.
Also ask yourself if the project is necessary. If it's plumbing, necessity is assumed. But remodeling projects might be better saved for later when the budget is less sticky. Until then, what can you do to improve the house? Cleaning and de-cluttering (and then selling those items online or at consignment stores for extra income), are two places to begin.
Entertainment
This is my specialty. I love having people over for dinner,grilling burgers (that we bought directly from the farmer) and serving new recipes (which I have planned a week before). We don't rent movies often, but we do that more than we go to the theater, when we also use coupons, go to matinees or look for special pricing from nearby theaters (which, honestly happens maybe twice a year). Instead, we play board games and card games and listen to books on tape from the library. We go for walks and hikes and bike rides. Our city offers free entertainment that allows us to explore where we live and discover new places to visit. There are several cities nation-wide that plan a "Be a Tourist In Your Own Town" day that opens all the museums for free and provides $0.50 all-day bus rides. Grand Rapids, MI has the newly established Art Prize with free-to-low-cost transportation. If you know of other fun and free entertainment venues, please share!
When you were a kid, did you ever play in the sprinkler? How many kids still do that? Mine do. It's cheap, fun and takes the pinch off the summer heat. Make your own popsicles. Find a local pool or park that offers swimming and a playground. Pitch a tent in the backyard, or (gasp!) make a tent out of blankets. Go to the library and find a good book, a book on tape, or a movie to rent for free. Dig out board games like: Sorry, Life, Trouble, or a deck of cards and play. Tell stories about your childhood (believe me, your kids will love it!). Find the simple and put it into play. It's the best way to enjoy the summer and find time to bond with your family.
Married? The rage right now is to date your spouse to keep the relationship healthy. This is tough for us as we would need to hire a sitter and then pay for dinner and a movie. The idea of dropping a $100 to spend time with my husband doesn't feel right considering our economic state. So how can I have my cake and eat it too? We plan our dates after the kids bedtime. I will take the kids to the park and have fun with them, wearing them out a little more than usual so they will go to bed early. Their dinner and bed time comes an hour earlier on our date nights. Then, using a movie I've rented from the library ($1.00) and dinner (which was planned and paid for on the shopping day) my husband and I have dinner and movie night.
Will My Plan Work for You?
The plan my husband and I use works well for us, but we didn't just sit down and create the perfect plan. This has taken our entire marriage to come to this place and it will change when his income changes (for better or worse). From openly discussing our budget and living within our means, we no longer worry about what we don't have and enjoy all the blessings God has given us - and that can work for everyone. The key to any successful budget plan is to start with what you have, work with what you earn, and forget the rest. Find the joy of finding a good deal, the satisfaction of doing with less, and the relief of saving money to pay off debt or get ahead. How well your plan works for you is all up to you.
A few weeks ago, we had dinner with friends and they congratulated us on living so nicely on almost no money. I have never thought of my family having nothing. I suppose we are quite simple in our living compared to some, but I know that what we have gained in this life-style are wonderful children, a strong marriage and a blessed understanding of knowing that God is taking care of us because we are putting Him first in our lives.
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