Tomorrow is a big day for my family. We are driving to the next city over and going to court to make the adoption of our youngest son official. I have written about this adoption process extensively and will post more as I polish those reflections, but it has been a much greater experience than I expected. I knew that there would be moments of difficulty and days of intense joy. I was not disappointed. I was surprised by the intensity of the emotions associated with adopting a child.

As a means to work through the difficulties I experienced, I kept a prayer journal. I wrote to God asking for the strength I needed to figure out this new baby and work being a mom to an infant and also caring for pre-teen daughters. I prayed to Jesus to give me a kind heart like his in working with the birth-mother as she mourned her loss. I prayed to the Holy Spirit for the gifts of patience and wisdom. I prayed to Mary, the mother of our Lord to be like her: gentle, kind and loving. As I have matured in my attitude about adoption and our specific situation, I have found a strength and peace that could only come from God.

I never knew that I would walk the adoption route. I never knew that my son, whom I love immensely, would look so different than me. I never knew that I wouldn't care what he looked like. I've discovered a different side of my emotions and feeling them fully: someday I'm one, big raw emotion, other days I'm ready to take on the world.

I don't know what tomorrow's court day will be like. What I do know is that God led my husband and I to adopt and He has been with us every step of the way. I know that I love this little boy with more love than my heart can hold. I know this baby will be my son always. I thank God for leading me down this path, for without Him and without my son, I would not have grown in faith as I have.