Out with the Old

Spring fever is finally raising temperatures, and in my old age I'm finally wising up to the idea of doing the indoor spring cleaning well before the sun shines through the April showers and beckons me outside. The part of our house that needs the most attention is the basement. Like the junk drawer in the kitchen, the basement has become the catch-all for everything that doesn't have a permanent home, for things I only need seasonally, and for items that hold a some sentimental value. As I'm cleaning out the basement, I'm realizing that I have been hanging onto things that might have a use in the future. Having seen clips on TV about hoarders, I'm feeling a little grimy because I have that tendency. My house is not awash with clutter, but the basement, if I leave it untouched and continue my basement-stash-routine, will be.

At first glance, the basement is too messy to know where to begin. Years ago, a wise woman (Hi, mom!)told me that if it takes 12 months to make the mess, it will take 12 days to clean it up. Here's hoping! I've put on my planner that my daughters and I will spend an hour a day in the basement until it's finished. If we can meet that goal, we are going out to dinner!

I prepared myself for the daily chore of cleaning. What I realized that I wasn't prepared for was the emotional toll the 'trash' part would have on me. I'm going through the boxes, sorting the old clothes, throwing out the trash, taking pictures of old art projects that are too big to keep and selling the good stuff on ebay. But the emotional part comes at me unexpectedly when a favorite outfit from the girls toddler days is unearthed, when all the Mother's Day crafts are rediscovered, and when random wedding pictures surface in the strangest of places (I found a picture of my sister and I on my wedding day in a box filled will stuffed animals.)

What to do with all the treasures? My youngest daughter was upset when I suggested that we throw out the shoebox guitar she made. My middle daughter was overly exuberant in the tossing out of torn costumes that marked long summer days of tea parties and fairy tales. I realized that I have put too much importance in things. That's why I write and take so many pictures. I'm trying to capture the moment because I don't want to forget the memory.

There is also a part of me that wants to hang on to everything in case someone else needs it. Lord knows I like to be helpful. So there is also a box (ok, seven boxes) of clothing, toys, books, lamps, sheets, blankets, and dishes that I will hang onto for someone else. I've also put the year 2015 on those boxes. If I haven't given them away from January of 2015, I will take the boxes to Volunteers of America.

The clutter of keeping too many things not only makes my basement messy, it clutters my heart. Purging is never a pleasant experience, but it is certainly necessary. And so I'm saying farewell to that which is now too old, too tattered and too silly to keep and hoping that in the time I'm spending with my children on this cleaning project, they don't find me too tattered and worn and toss me out too!

It's That Time of Year Again...

This is an exciting time of year for me. Yes, it's spring and the garden is calling me to till and plant and track mud through the house. It's almost Easter Sunday when I stuff baskets with treats for my children and watch them hunt through the yard (or inside if the weather is lousy). I love the warmer weather and the promise of a summer of camping and playgrounds. But what I really enjoy is choosing our curriculum and books for next year. As a former school teacher, I was never able to do this because the curriculum was chosen for me. But now? Oh, the possibilities are endless!

And those endless possibilities open up worlds of research as to what curriculum is best for my family. It's like buying a new appliance for the house - you do research, you study the comments on the website, you ask friends and people what they recommend. And after all that, you combine everything you've learned with what you know about your family and lifestyle, and you make a decision. Homeschooling curriculum are no different.

First, look at your family. Do you have several children at various levels? Or are you homeschooling one child? How is your day organized? Do you have time to sit down and teach math everyday, or should you invest in the CD-ROM or DVD programs for math? If Reading and writing are your strongest subjects, you can purchase the lesser expensive programs and supplement with what you know and love. If your child struggles in Science, or you struggle to remember to teach science, spend a little more on a program that does most of the work for you.

Secondly, consider purchasing all your curriculum from one place. That may sound obvious, but for the first few years I homeschooled, I used a variety of resources from no less than six different companies/organizations. I did this because I was given a kindergarten and first grade Sonlight curriculum, which was rich is reading, writing, grammar and bible studies, but didn't include (in that particular folder) science, math. I used Miquon for math (great format, but be prepared to be flexible as the directions are always clear and the Annotations book isn't always helpful). I was introduced to the Apologia Science books and love them! They are written for Christian homeschoolers and there is virtually no preparation necessary - just open and learn right along with your children.

Now that my daughters are older, I was interested in a specific accredited curriculum with Internet support and high school diplomas. I chose Seton Homestudy. It's a Catholic curriculum and meets all my needs. The website is easy to use and my girls can ask questions online, send in work to be graded and even check their lesson plans on line for what to do each day.

There are dozens of wonderful hoomeschooling curriculums out there - My Father's World and Sonlight are just two that I'm somewhat familiar with, but the list goes on. Just step into a homeschool conference to see all that available - that is a great place to start.

And third, I have a recommendation. If you do choose a homeschool curriculum that sends you all the lesson plans and books, that's great! It's worth a little extra money to have all that planned out. It's important to remember to break away from that day-to-day schedule every now and then. I don't mean taking a fall, winter, and spring break, but dropping the normal schedule for a day or two and doing something fun and educational. Tour three museums. There are art museums, children's museums, science museums, public museums, historical museums and so on. Ask a local business for a tour. Take all your school work to the library and work in a different setting (it's amazing how fun this is - it's so simple!). Watch a different educational DVD each afternoon for a week. Go see a play. Go camping at a State Park that has interpreter programs. Each day for a week, explore a different park and make a display of what each park offers. Look into the caching or letterboxing programs online (using GPS to find hidden boxes). Join a homeschooling group and benefit from the variety of opportunities available. Host a week-long Vacation Bible School at your house for the neighbor kids if there isn't something available in your neighborhood (great for those who live in the country).

See, so many possibilities, so little time, so little money required!

I'm off again to peruse the new Seton Homestudy catalogue and plan out 2011-2012 for four weeklong educational explorations.

Happy Learning!

There are No Words

This month, my adopted son was officially adopted into our family. We drove to the city where he was born, went to court and watched the judge sign the papers. We were also given an opportunity to say a few words, but how can I describe these feelings without tears stopping my voice? How do I put the right word on what we have gone through in this adoption process?

There were fears as we thought about people coming to our home for the home study, grace when we knew that adoption was God's plan for us, shaking hands as we made that first phone call to the adoption agency, disbelief at the amount of paperwork, excitement with every email we received when birthmoms were looking for families, immense sadness when we weren't chosen, doubt as our wait stretched over two years, and head-spinning joy when we were selected and placed with a child within a week.

Then a whole new level of emotions emerged compounded with sleepless nights, which makes everything feel magnified: doubt in myself for adopting, frustrations with the birthmom, grieving over the freedoms I've lost, that warm feeling when the baby pees on you, cuddly softness and happiness from baby giggles, the pinch in the pocketbook from diapers and formula and that grip in the heart when I see my older children loving their new brother.

So...what is the word for that? The search for that word has been so great that I haven't been writing as much (as you can see from the last posting date) because I have felt too raw to say much of anything. Who am I to be chosen to parent these beautiful children? Why had God blessed me so after all the terrible things I have done? (Humble pie, served daily)

My husband didn't want that moment in the court room (when we were offered time to say what we felt) to go by without anything being said. "This has been... just wonderful." And then the tears came flooding from every eye in that courtroom. His words were not profound in literary beauty, but they do perfectly summarize the ups and downs we've ridden on the adoption roller coaster. Wonderful!

Tomorrow is a big day for my family. We are driving to the next city over and going to court to make the adoption of our youngest son official. I have written about this adoption process extensively and will post more as I polish those reflections, but it has been a much greater experience than I expected. I knew that there would be moments of difficulty and days of intense joy. I was not disappointed. I was surprised by the intensity of the emotions associated with adopting a child.

As a means to work through the difficulties I experienced, I kept a prayer journal. I wrote to God asking for the strength I needed to figure out this new baby and work being a mom to an infant and also caring for pre-teen daughters. I prayed to Jesus to give me a kind heart like his in working with the birth-mother as she mourned her loss. I prayed to the Holy Spirit for the gifts of patience and wisdom. I prayed to Mary, the mother of our Lord to be like her: gentle, kind and loving. As I have matured in my attitude about adoption and our specific situation, I have found a strength and peace that could only come from God.

I never knew that I would walk the adoption route. I never knew that my son, whom I love immensely, would look so different than me. I never knew that I wouldn't care what he looked like. I've discovered a different side of my emotions and feeling them fully: someday I'm one, big raw emotion, other days I'm ready to take on the world.

I don't know what tomorrow's court day will be like. What I do know is that God led my husband and I to adopt and He has been with us every step of the way. I know that I love this little boy with more love than my heart can hold. I know this baby will be my son always. I thank God for leading me down this path, for without Him and without my son, I would not have grown in faith as I have.

An Adoption Tale

Next week my adopted son will officially by my son. After nine months of caring for him, learning to love him, opening my house to four different case-workers, filling out miles of paperwork and sleepless nights with an infant, he will be my son for always.

I will be honest: this adoption experience was nothing what I expected. I really believed that I was the type of person that would love any child in my care. I'm not. I struggled endlessly the first six months that he was home with us. I truly believed that no matter what issues the birth mother brought to this relationship, I could prayerfully muscle through. I couldn't. I also was surprised to discover how much I missed having a baby in the house, and how quickly those little fits of laughter chase away all the sleepiness. Much of the issues I dealt with stemmed from the fact that within a week of being chosen by a birth mother, we brought him home. His birth mother struggles with bi-polar disorder, a mental condition that has awakened me to a whole new level of frustration that constantly battle away at my patience and persistence.

For six months, I didn't feel connected to this baby who would soon become my son. I stuffed those feelings deep down so no one would know; I was embarrassed to admit that I was struggling to love a baby - who does that? Babies are adorable, cuddly, soft little lives that depend completely on their parents. Who wouldn't love a baby? I loved him for the fact that he was with our family. I trusted other moms who told me that the bonding takes time. But what they didn't tell me was that it is perfectly normal to not feel that love right away.

My case worker suggested the book Post Adoption Blues by Karen J Foli, Ph.D. and John R. Thompson, M.D. If you are considering adoption, waiting for that child to come home, or like me, struggling with bonding I highly recommend this book. It saved me from a case of depression that I felt surfacing. I also admitted to a dear friend, a mother of three adopted children, what I was feeling.

Long story short, I prayed. I prayed until I was certain God was tired of me yapping on about the same thing. And one morning I woke up to the sounds of my son cooing in the crib and I just cried tears of joy. Something in my heart had changed overnight and I loved that baby without reserve. I knew that God had taken away my fears and replaced that gap in my heart with more love than I could manage - and then He gave me more. That probably sounds like a very neatly wrapped package and a happy ending, but it was anything but neat and I'm not even close to the end of this story. Every day brings a new challenge and a new discovery. What isn't new is my God. He remains true and strong and He is cradling me in His arms while I cradle my son in mine.

Little Days, Big Moments

The next month holds 4 big celebrations for my family: my youngest daughters First Reconciliation and First Communion and my son's court date to finalize his adoption and his baptism. Each of these events will be prayed over, rejoiced through a celebratory meal and documented with photographs.

I realized today that I'm doing the 'mom thing' by starting my lists- what to prepare for meals for each event, what everyone will wear and what I will need to purchase to make outfits complete for each of us, an invite list, and the never-ending clean-the-house list (although I had to pull out my pen and add the extra cleaning chores for when guests come for special events).

What I'm missing is the time to enjoy the moment (or moments). Two sacraments of initiation in the Catholic Church: Baptism and First Holy Communion, both which will be celebrated not just with sandwiches and cake, but with love and joy. I promise that I will not allow myself to become bogged down in the details of the day and the clothing, but overjoyed in the divine spirit of baptism and the holy gift of the Eucharist.

My children look to me as an example of what's important. My example will be to talk and pray with the children about the amazing gift of these sacraments, discus what they really mean and how they will affect us the next day and the next...all the way to the day we are called home to our Lord.

The adoption day holds many unknowns, but it is another act of God's will. He directed us here, he put my son in my arms when he was three days old, and God will take care of all the details. All I need to do is stay in tune with God through prayer and follow His plan for me.