Lessons from my Children

There have been many surprises in my life - misconceptions about what I thought my adult life would be compared to how I've actually turned out. I always thought I would marry a wealthy man, but I married a man I love instead. I thought I would be a wordly travler, taking my children to see England and Italy, and be a regular at some resort on a little island. Instead, I am a Michigan guard; we are never very far from home. There has been one aspect of my life that is a complete surprise and every time it happens, I'm astounded: I'm actually learning from my children.

I've taught them how to make their beds, to write thank you notes, to read and write. Some things they've just naturally learned on their own: how to walk, talk, love, smile, and listen.

While I'm sharing little tid bits of information with them (using nice words, making good use of their time, always flushing the toilet) they listen. And when I'm talking to someone else about weekend plans, or sharing concerns with my sister about a reoccuring cough, they listen. They've seen my reactions to bad news and how I smile when they do a job well. When I'm feeling overwhelmed, they know to stay out of my way and pick up their toys. During afternoons we each retreat to our own corners and have some quiet time to read, draw, or write. I praise them for these wonderful behaviors.

And they are starting to praise me.

Last week when the house broke out with a severe case of clutter-itis, I switched into my mad-hatter cleaning mode. On a dry-erase board I wrote down everything that needed to be done and put names next to each item. When we had each finished our assigned chores, we would celebrate with a visit to the playground.

The house was cleaned in record time, I didn't yell at anyone, and the girls actually sang songs while they cleaned. There were a few things out of place and the bathroom wasn't cleaned quite how I do it, but my second daughter spent time organizing the linen closet. On the way to the playground, my oldest daughter (who is now tall enough to sit in the front seat) patted my arm and gave me a wink. "This was a good idea, Mom. Everybody learned something today."

I was flustered. What had I learned? Why did my daughter know more than I?

"What did you learn?" I asked.

"I learned that I do best when I know exactly what you need me to do to help you."

Wow.

That means in the past I've expected my children to just read my mind and know what I needed done. (My husband has confirmed that this is true).

What did I learn that day? Communication is key - whether in the form of a to-do list, a smile, or a pat on the arm, we all need to know what is going on in the mind's of those we love. I also learned that working together as a family doesn't mean that everything is done according to my expectations, but that everyone has a role to play and feels a part of the team.

And I learned all that (again) from my daughter. That and playgrounds can be better than any trip to Europe.

Go team Schaub!