Shame turns to Salvation

I was plagued with shame. Like flies on dung, shame hovered above and around me, flying in my face and ringing in my ears. It was the sound of demons whispering terrors, the feel of Hell's flames licking my heels, the darkness of eternal life away from God that chills my bones.

So many people don't understand what abortion means to those of us who chose it. It doesn't mean that we support it and it certainly doesn't mean that we are OK with our choice. It means we have committed a mortal sin and must now bear that scar on our hearts for the rest of our days.

Talk of the horrors of abortion are true - it's a horrible thing, a despicable choice, a criminal act - but the women who have had abortions are not those things. We were under the control of fear and shame. We were sold lies - untruths about what an embryo is, lies about the long-term effects, fiction about the sanctity of life. Because of fear, we sought a way out - just like everyone does in times of trouble. Unfortunately for us, we were missing Jesus in our lives and so Satan strode in, consoled us and sold us.

But he's done something else too - he's made me angry! Satan hid the truth in his darkness until it was too late. Satan has an enemy in me.

I wasn't sure at first if anyone - man or God - would still love me, could still love me. Then I met Peter, Jesus' closest disciple who denied even knowing Jesus not once, but three times. I met Mary Magdalene who was a sinner and yet was rescued by Jesus. I met Saul, whom after meeting the Resurrected Jesus, received much a transformation that everything about him changed - his heart, his vision, his mission and even his name. Saul the Persecuter became Paul the Saint and author of a good portion of the New Testament.The salvation that Jesus promised? That freedom from sin He purchased with His blood on the cross - He did that for me. Jesus knew I would sin. He knew fear would grip me so tightly I would crumble under the pressure. Even though He knew that I would spit in the face of Creation by not understanding what gift He had given me, He still went to the cross. He still loved me.

I am not alone in my sin. I'm not alone in my salvation either. Jesus purchased my soul for me. I have the reciept - it's the tug at my heart when I confess. It's the passion I feel when I'm at Mass and Fr. Mike breaks the bread. It's the deep understanding I have that those who believe in Jesus will not perish, but find everlasting life. (Jn. 3:16)

I know I have been forgiven. Jesus told me so. So I renounce you Shame! Go back to Hell and take Fear with you!