NOT Alone!

There are some tasks that need to be done here at the house that I just can’t do alone. The basement floor needs to be painted, but there are too many spiders down there and I don’t want to be the one to move everything out of the way. The bathroom needs new bath fixtures, but that is beyond my skills and I’ll need to learn from someone how to do that. The carpet needs to be cleaned, but I lack the equipment. And putting up the shelves in the basement will need more than two hands. It takes longer to check these chores off the to-do list because I need to arrange time that works with my husband’s schedule so we can both be here at the same time and with our minds set to the same task.

Somewhere along the line, the human race decided that needing help was a sign of weakness. Sure, there are some examples that are displays of weakness, things that we can do but are too lazy to do.
But being independent is different from being strong. I can independently prepare dinner, but I prefer to do it in the company of my children or my husband (but not all at once, my kitchen is too small). I can independently clean my house, but I prefer the help and speed of having the help of my entire family (house is too big). I can independently mourn the loss of a parent, but I don’t want to. I want the help of my family to plan the details, to support me (and I them), to share in the joy of the memories and the loss of a loved one.

Too often we try to put on a brave face and go it alone. Women try to balance all the duties of motherhood in one hand and be a good wife in the other, while tip-toeing over the hot coals of friendships, volunteer duty, or a career. Men try to be strong for their families, not showing weakness, to prevent their families from suffering.

‘Brave faces’ and ‘going-it-alone’ are recipes for disaster. Sometimes all you need is to speak your frustrations to a trust-worthy friend. As soon as we have talked through the issue, it’s not so bad. In giving our struggles words, we reduce them in intensity, we make them less scary, we give up a portion of our pain to God and He carries us. We were not created to be alone. God gave Adam all the animals in creation and Eve; “blood of my blood and flesh of my flesh”. We are the blood and flesh of Adam and Eve and we were created to go through the valley of the shadow of death together. The other side of that valley is even more beautiful when we have someone to share it with. Just like we celebrate our accomplishments with friends and family, we should also share our struggles and pain.

“Laying aside falsehood, speak the truth each of you with his neighbor, for we are all members of one another.” Ephesians 4:25

For years, I hid my pain away deep within my soul. I didn’t want to reveal the ‘evil’ side of me. I didn’t want people to know I was flawed. I was afraid that if people knew what sins I had committed, they would walk away from me. I feared being alone, so I remained alone in my sin. Ironic? There’s more! God told me to confess my sins, that all would be well with my soul. And I doubted Him. I worried so greatly for other people’s opinion of me that I tucked pieces of me away so no one would see. There were only two people in my life who knew the real me – the real secret – and I feared that one day they would suddenly change their mind about me and leave.

That has never happened. In fourteen years, only one person cast a stone at me. One. Out of the hundreds of people I have met and the dozens of friends I have made. One, out of the handful of people that really matter to me. That one person’s denial of forgiveness controlled me. One person! My salvation came when I finally accepted the forgiveness and new life from my One God.

I know what you’re thinking! “Duh! why didn’t you listen to God in the first place?” The answer? Well, to be honest, He’s a little mysterious! I hear His voice all the time now, but there was a phase of my life when I forgot to listen. I allowed the things before my eyes and the items my hands touched to be my gods. Words and opinions ruled my actions. Movies, television, and magazines were my gospels. And where did that lead? Hell. The saying, “Look for the good and you will find it”? That goes for God as well. He is always here, always present, we just need to open our eyes and see it for ourselves.

There were many turning points; I did a gradual fifteen point turn to face my God and accept His love. But, boy! Now that I’m facing him, I’m penitent. I’m on my knees with my face aglow in His love. I’m not alone! I’m in the presence of the greatest God, in the company of His children, surrounded by the gifts of His love. I’ve shared my greatest sorrow to learn that I’m not alone. I embrace all my sisters in sorrow and invite them to become sisters of salvation! Sisters of Grace! Sisters of Joy!

“Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God.” Hebrews 12:15

Like all the chores that need to be done at the house, I lack the motivation, the knowledge, the equipment, or the extra set of hands to do it all well and quickly. But my Christian community is there for me. Somewhere in my circle of Christian Friends, there is someone with the know-how, the tool, the listening ear and the hug that will get me past the trial.