Undercurrents of Negativity

Over the last few days, I’ve read emails, facebook updates and have had actual face-to-face encounters with several women whom I haven’t been in touch with through the long winter months. I greeted them with the standard but heartfelt, “How are you?” and was sucked out to sea without a paddle by the strength of their negative undercurrent.

What are we supposed to do when someone asks us how we are and we feel like the Grim Reaper is right around the corner? Should we lie? No. It’s a commandment to not lie (and there are so few times that it is appropriate to lie, that I won’t even breach that topic). I believe the answer lies in an honest examination of our lives and how we are responding.

Years ago, a popular motivational poster reflected on the 10/90 principle: that 10% of our life is completely out of our control, but the other 90% is how we choose to react to that 10% event. It is, essentially, another take on the “is the glass half-full or half-empty” idea. Ask yourself these questions: When I’m late for an appointment, do I yell and people who slow me down? When I hear of a tragedy, do I pray for the victims or do I blame God for letting us down? When I’m struggling with frustration, finances, parenting, or my spouse, do I reflect on what everyone else is doing wrong, or do I examine my own responses?

If we are thirsty, a glass which is half-full will not be enough to satisfy us. The trick is to maintain a state of satisfaction. Here’s another question: What keeps your cup full? Time with family without stress? Time alone to read or write? Vacations? Daily prayer? That warm fuzzy feeling gained through positive experiences in a Christian community?

What empties your cup? Know what it is about your day, your work, or your family that is frustrating and try to respond to those situations differently. I almost wrote that we should avoid situations that drain our figurative cups, but I don’t believe that is the answer. God gives us challenges as much as He gives us blessings and we are to become better followers from both. We can’t change the fact that negativity will come to us, but we can stop our own pessimism from controlling us.

There is a woman at my church who responded to my “how are you?” with “Unbelievable!” I wasn’t sure if she meant unbelievably great or unbelievably terrible, so I asked. She laughed and told me it was terrible: her father was ill, her mother was in the throes of Alzheimer’s, her son was graduating from high school and she was struggling to do all the things a mom must do for those she loved. Her life was filled with challenges, and yet she was smiling it all off as a lesson to learn.

I hope that the next time someone asks me how I am, I am a conduit of optimism. I also pray for the fortitude to protect my own spirit the next time someone unloads their issues on my greeting. Perhaps I will take that person by the hands and pray for them right then and there.